


I'm The Monster?

by Fatvbirhd



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 50,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24752053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatvbirhd/pseuds/Fatvbirhd
Summary: Merlin has been caught doing Magic. He had saved the knights and the king from certain death. And all he faces is condemnation and rejection from his king. What will he do?
Relationships: Gilli & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Mordred (Merlin), Merlin/Mithian (Merlin)
Comments: 76
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

Bandits swarmed every direction. There was no way out. No way to pretend that magic had no hand in victory. They were dead men walking. So, he let go. 

He loosened his grip on his magic and it exploded everywhere. Bandits where sent flying everywhere. Just bandits. Not the knights. Not Arthur. Not a single ally was hurt. They had won in a blink of an eye, a wave of his hand. He had tipped the balance in their favour. Yet no one saw it that way. No matter what he does he will always be the monster.

He let Arthur chain him, yell expletives at him. He barely kept his cool. There was no point in shouting or defending himself. He could see Arthur was winding down. Taking deep breaths. Soon he’ll be able to reason with him. 

But then Arthur said something that sent Merlin over the edge. “You’re a Monster! You take people’s trust and you destroy it!” Merlin couldn’t contain it anymore. The irony of Arthur’s statement made Merlin laugh. He couldn’t contain it. Who was Arthur if Merlin was a monster? “What’s funny Sorcerer?”

“You are, Your Highness!” Merlin paused and looked at Arthur’s shocked face, “I maybe a monster, Arthur. But I am a monster of your family’s own making.”

“Don’t blame my family for your mistakes, Sorcerer!”

“No? Why shouldn’t I? Your family are full of monsters. Your father-”

“Don’t you even-”

“Don’t I what? Tell the truth?”

“You don’t tell the truth. You only spread falsehoods and lies!” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Your father is a monster! He hunted and killed thousand if not millions of innocents! And you what?! Continue his legacy?” Merlin scoffed, “You’re all monsters Arthur. Your father, Your sister… even you Arthur. You’re all monsters. You kill countless innocents. And then you go right around blaming the victims when they seek vengeance in the memory of their friends and loved ones.” Merlin takes a deep breath and looks down to his feet. “I maybe a monster Arthur but I wasn’t the one who dragged an entire kingdom in to the sea of the blood of the innocent. I didn’t do that your father did and you…” Merlin lets a broken laugh, “And you continue do that. And you what have the gall to call me a monster? You can call me a traitor. You can call me anything you like. But when it comes down to being monsters Arthur… I know what I am, and I know what I’m not. Do you know who you are?”


	2. Chapter 2

There was stone cold silence at the end of Merlin’s rant. By the looks of it even Merlin seemed shocked at his outburst. 

Arthur opened his mouth then shut it then opened it before his expression went neutral. All the knights were looking at Arthur waiting for his response. They frankly didn’t know how to react or which side to take for that matter. 

Arthur realising this he looked at Merlin coldly and simply said, “You will be brought back to Camelot and be tried for your crimes” Arthur turned to address his knights 

“What crimes Arthur? Saving your arses?” Merlin bit back. 

“No for your crime of possessing magic” Arthur said, without looking back missing Merlin’s heartbroken look. He focused on his knights and said, “We have been betrayed my friends. Betrayed by a man who we thought was our closest friend. The law has no exceptions. No matter who it is. Whether be it a king or a peasant the law stops for no one. Merlin will be tried for his crimes in the fair court of Camelot.” 

**** 

The king, the knights and the former manservant turned prisoner walked in silence. No one dared to raise or speak their opinions. After what seemed like hours, they finally saw the citadel. They decided to take a break, much to the dislike of the king, due to dehydration and tiredness. They had been walking for hours. 

Merlin sat far away from the knights and the king. Gwaine was looking inquiringly at Merlin, like he was a puzzle yet to be solved. Gwaine walked slowly over to Merlin before presenting him with a flask of water. “Gwaine! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” The king’s voice boomed. 

“Giving water to the prisoner, what does it look like?” 

“I know what you are doing! I want to know why?” 

“You want the prisoner to be alive when he is being tried right?” Arthur opened his mouth to argue but Gwaine beat him to it, “If not we might as well just kill him now.” 

“Fine. Give the sorcerer water.” The king grunted out. 

Merlin gratefully accepted the flask and drank from it. He heard Gwaine whisper, “Why aren’t you escaping?!” 

Merlin swallowed the water and looked at Gwaine and said, “What would be the point? I run away I escape and then what? I have no one left. No one left to turn to. Ealdor is part of   
Camelot and every kingdom is allied themselves with Camelot so they would all help in hunting me down.” 

“Please Merlin just consider it I... I can help.” 

“I know. And I am thankful for that. But I can’t. I would rather meet my end knowing that I have friends then die on the run being alone.” 

“You would let Arthur kill you?” Merlin didn’t answer but Arthur who had been staring at them evidently listening in interrupted. 

“That’s enough chit chat. And I think that’s enough water to keep him ‘alive’ don’t you think Gwaine?!” Gwaine stood up and challenged Arthur. 

“Damnit Arthur, Merlin saved our lives! Can’t you see it?!” 

“See when a man is trying to manipulate me for his ends? Yes, I can see that.” 

“You didn’t see Morgana and Agravaine.” Merlin muttered out. Arthur’s rage turned on to Merlin. 

“You are working with her! Aren’t you?” Merlin didn’t give him an answer, “Answer me, Sorcerer!” 

“You are alive.” Merlin simply said looking at his feet. 

“I see it now. It’s all part of your plan.” 

“Plan?!” Merlin looked up at Arthur, anger blazing through his eyes, “You think I have a plan Arthur?! I don’t have a plan.” Merlin’s voice broke down and he whispered out, “There   
is no plan... no scheme... there is nothing.” 

“You haven’t answered my question! Are you working with Morgana?! Did you know about Agravaine?!” 

“For the love of God! I am not working with Morgana! In case you’re forgetting Arthur, I was with you when we took back Camelot. Twice I might mention. If I were working with   
Morgana don’t you think you would have lost, or I don’t know... you would be dead?” 

“What about Agravaine? Did you know about him?” 

“Yes. Yes, I did.” The knights’ eyes widen in shock. 

“You didn’t think to tell any of us that Agravaine was a traitor?!” Leon shouted. 

“I did tell Arthur, but he dismissed it and threatened to exile me as soon as I spoke of the matter.” Arthur’s eyes widen and looked down in what could be interpreted as shame. 

“How did you find out?” 

“About who?” 

“Agravaine.” 

“Aside from the fact his terrible advice nearly started a war?!” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Uhm you nearly started a war with Queen Annis.” 

“But he didn’t-”

“Sometimes I wonder if all the times you got knocked out is making you lose your memory.” 

“What?” 

“He told you to give Caerleon a choice between a deal that he would undoubtedly reject or be killed.” 

“Yeah but my uncle didn’t kno-” Merlin scoffed. 

“You are still trying to defend him?! After everything he has done Arthur?” 

“Dead as he may be, he is part of my family, Sorcerer and I will hear no more of the topic.” Merlin raised an eyebrow. 

“You can’t shut me down Arthur. You can’t just ask for the truth and then not accept it!” 

“I am the king! I don’t answer to likes of you.” 

“You’re right you don’t answer to me, Arthur. You answer to the men and women you killed. The men and women you failed because of your hubris and naivety.” 

“I haven’t failed anyone. I have done what I always thought was right and no one can judge me for that.” Merlin smirked. 

“So, we can’t judge you because you always did what you thought was right?”

“Yes, do you have to repeat everything I say?” Even the knights saw something wrong with the statement and they aren’t even the brightest people.

“So, by your logic no one can even judge Morgana!”

“There’s a difference!”

“Is there? She has always done what she thought was right. And no one can judge her for that according to you.”

“Morgana killed innocents!”

“And you haven’t? Your father hasn’t?”

“What you view as ‘innocents’ I view as threats to the security of Camelot.”

“What about me? I protected you, I protected Camelot from threats you couldn’t or refused to see.”

“You will revert to your baser instincts soon enough”

“‘Baser Instincts?’ I basically did your job every second I was in Camelot. From the moment I saved your life until right this moment. So, tell me what’s the difference between me and you?!” Arthur laughed.

“There’s too much difference between me and you, Sorcerer.” 

“And pray tell what is that difference?” 

“Aside from our differences in station. I was born human. You were born a monster! You’re bastard! A filthy sorcerer whose crimes are unknown. And for that you will be punished!” Merlin scoffed. “You can try your hardest to pretend to be human, sorcerer. But a leopard can’t change its spots!”

“Then let us pray that we all be born as ‘human’ as you are, Sire” Merlin said sarcastically. 

Arthur opened his mouth to retort but was interrupted by Leon. “Sire we have to get going. The sorcerer will be tried tomorrow he will say his piece and you will preside over the trial. Now is not the time.” Arthur took a deep breath and nodded.

“You are correct Sir Leon. Let’s move men!” They had to get to Camelot before nightfall. They stood up and pushed ahead.

They walked for a half an hour when they saw Camelot’s gates. “Your end is near sorcerer” a knight spitefully spat out at Merlin as he walked past.


	3. Chapter 3

He sat in his cell just staring out the window. The sun was coming down and his cell getting enveloped by darkness. 

When they entered Camelot, he saw the peasants freeze as soon as they saw him in chains. 

Then he could hear the immediate chatter of wild theories of his detainment. ‘Were the king and the knights enchanted?’ Or ‘Had The king finally had it with his servant and his insolence?’ Those seemed to be the more prominent theories about his arrest. 

Yet it made no difference, his trial was tomorrow and there was nothing he could do. 

This was his reward for saving Camelot. Condemnation and rejection. He had known it since the first time he had saved Camelot. He had known it since the first step he took in Camelot. That no matter what he did this was what was going to happen. He had made his peace with that a long time ago. And he was ready. 

So, he sat down in contemplation. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t going to beg. He was going to accept the king’s judgment no matter what. Because deep down he knew what he was. 

He was a monster. And monsters get killed and punished. He had released the dragon. That one decision killed countless of innocents and hurt many more. 

He also had helped in making the person Morgana was today. Those were his crimes. That was what his punishment represented to him. 

Arthur’s punishment was yet to be. Yet to come. Merlin had bailed Arthur out of the consequences of his actions before. But no more. He had spared Arthur of the harsh face of the world. Merlin could feel it. It was coming. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after but it was coming. And when it happens may the gods have mercy on their souls. 

So, he sat waiting... waiting for his trial. Waiting for the guards to pull him up to his feet and drag him to the main hall. He sat waiting for the end. 

***** 

Merlin hadn’t slept for a second during his final night. He could see the sun getting higher and higher before its rays blinded him. Yet he stared at the sun challengingly. Daring it to fight back. 

Whilst staring at the sun, he could hear Gaius wizened warning ‘Don’t stare at the sun for too long or else you will lose your sight!’ Merlin chuckled. It wasn’t like he needed his eyesight anymore. The thoughts which followed, followed the similar track. Stuff he won’t need like arms, legs even his ears. 

He was so stuck in his morbid thoughts that he almost missed the loud scraping sound.   
He turned to see some bread, cheese and drink of water on a tray. He drank the water in one gulp and had a go at the bread. It was like trying to chew a rock... tasted like it too! 

After a couple of minutes, he gave up and put the rock-like bread on the tray and gave the cheese a go. 

If he was going to be honest, he regretted it. It tasted worse than the potion that Catrina the troll used to take. Bloody hell no wonder everyone tries extremely hard to escape! 

He pushed the tray through the gap in between the door and the floor. And then heard the guards laughing at the other side... it led to Merlin guessing they had probably tampered with the meal. Camelot’s guards really like kicking people when they’re down, don’t they? Like come on he is already going to get executed they just had to go ahead and tamper with presumably his last meal?!


	4. Chapter 4

He heard a huge gale force of wind enter his cell. He groaned; Someone had teleported right into his cell. This was supposed to be the cell that blocked magic. If Merlin was going to be honest someone probably cheated Uther and managed to convince him it worked. Merlin sometimes wondered how the most gullible king in the seven kingdoms managed to vanquish most of the magical beings in Albion.

Merlin slowly turned around and saw a woman he once considered one of his closest friends. But now she was an enemy. A mistake on his and her part.

He pushed her away when she needed him. But the fault doesn’t completely lie with him. She made her fair share of mistakes and errors as well. She is trusted too easily and wrongly. Alvarr, Morgause and Tauren spring to mind.

Her eyes shone with rage and she held a dagger, but it posed no danger. She wanted answers. She wasn’t here to kill him. “How long?!” She spat out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Didn’t ask that I want to know how long you’ve had magic!” She screamed at him. Merlin paused for a moment. The guards weren’t coming. Either she put a silencing spell, or she killed them.

He took a deep breath and said, “All my life.”

“So, you know what is like to be alone! Ashamed of yourself! Hated by everyone around you! Yet you didn’t even choose to help me.”

“Yes, I do know what it is like.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be like me.”

“W...what?”

“Tell me Morgana do you think I lived a happy life in Camelot? Or everything was made better with me having magic? Nothing was better Morgana. All I had in my life were friends who I lied about who I am and what I was. I lived a lie Morgana and I am paying the price for that right now. Do you think me having magic made my life nice and friendly and I felt such a comfort in knowing I had magic? Let me enlighten you Morgana all magic is, in this world, is another thing people will reject and fear you for.”

“Then fight back.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Fight back take back control of your life.” Merlin laughed. “What is funny?!”

“Morgana I’m sorry. I am so so sorry for what happened to you and how we ended up.”

“All we be forgiven if you join my side.” She said gently.

She was trying to manipulate him. Trying to turn him against Arthur and the thing is... it nearly worked. It ever so nearly worked... because what was the point in working for a destiny that would end with him dead or imprisoned? But then he thought about what it would mean. How it would change things, but the thing was even if he did fight with Morgana nothing would change. Maybe they would get into power but then what people would rebel, and it would end with them being killed. The wheel of power just keeps turning and he wouldn’t be able to stop it.

“I can’t. I am sorry Morgana. I can’t join your fight.” He said quietly.

“WHAT?! Why not?”

“I’m done fighting wars, Morgana. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight Arthur’s and… and I can’t fight yours. I went too far. I should have realised this when I… when I poisoned you. I became something I shouldn’t have. I went too far. And I am sorry, I am so sorry, but I refuse to fight anymore.”

“YOU ARE A COWARD, MERLIN! A coward!” She snapped angrily at him. “I hope you burn in the deepest pits of hell!”

“All monsters go to hell Morgana. Me, your father, your brother… and you.”

“Maybe all this time living in Camelot has corrupted you. Sorcerers aren’t monsters!”

“I didn’t say they were I just said me, and you are monsters.” The moment that sentence left his mouth he knew he pushed too far. Morgana walked menacingly towards him.

“I should kill you now Merlin for betraying my… our kin. But I have a better punishment. You don’t deserve death. Well… not by my hand at least. I think my dear old brother will have the perfect punishment. I look forward to seeing how creative my brother can be.” She said with a smirk before vanishing in a gust of wind.


	5. Chapter 5

The prison door opened and in came four guards, hate gleaming in their eyes. Two of them roughly pulled him up to his feet. Merlin showed no resistance and allowed himself to be rag dolled by them. They shoved him through the prison door and sent him walking to hall for his trial.

The moment he waited for came. 

He was forced on to his knees in front of Arthur and Gwen, who were sitting on their thrones. The knights, aside from Gwaine, stood on guard. Their hands on the hilts of their swords. They were ready for anything. He couldn’t see Gaius anywhere. Maybe it was better for Gaius to stay out of this one. It would be safer for him. He didn’t want any harm coming to him.

“You have been charged with the crime of sorcery how do you plead?” Arthur said coldly. It was only did Merlin look at Arthur did he see the cold calculating hatred in his eyes. He stayed silent and just looked at him. His gaze turned to Gwen. There was unsureness and fear, poorly hidden, yet still remarkably palpable. “MERLIN! Answer the question!” 

“If we haven’t even managed to cross that bridge yet Arthur then I fear I may not be executed until next week.” Merlin spoke in a dead calm voice. Arthur seemed extremely surprised about the fact that Merlin was extremely calm. He wasn’t scared of execution. When you faced death with every breath and step you take. Death loses its imposing facade.

Arthur snapped out of stupor and shouted at him “Answer the damn question, Sorcerer! And if I hear you use my name-” 

“You’ll what?... Kill me faster?” Merlin asked sarcastically. Arthur’s facial features contorted in anger. “Fine I say that I don’t possess sorcery.” 

“You LIAR!” 

“Arthur why ask a question you don’t want the answer to?” 

“You have to tell the truth!” 

“Okay the truth got it.” Merlin said with the grin, “the truth is I have saved you lives more times than even I would like to admit. The truth is that you aren’t that good of a king. The truth is I have literally carried you and your knights from the moment I stepped into Camelot. The truth is every single one of your victories is mine.” 

“What?” 

“Let’s face it Arthur you don’t know politics. Politics is a grimy game that you don’t know how to play and manipulate. You don’t know how to write a speech or address the people. You don’t know how to rule without someone holding your hand.”

“This isn’t a trial for me, Sorcerer. This is yours!” 

“Well since this is my trial, I’ll say this I regret nothing and the decisions I made, I made them as best as I could with the circumstances available.”

“So, you admit to having magic?” 

“I don’t recollect mentioning the fact of possessing magic” 

“What?!” 

“I said I didn’t think you were a good king and I told you why I think that. I also said that everything I had done I didn’t regret. That doesn’t equate to possessing magic, Arthur. I also did plead not guilty in case you are forgetting.” 

“All my knights saw you using magic to-”, Arthur trailed off. 

“Sorry What was I doing with magic? I forgot” 

“The knights saw you trying to manipulate them into believing the magic is a force for good.” 

“That is easier for you to believe. Then thinking that I saved you out the kindness out of my own heart?”

“Sorcerers don’t have such thing as kindness and empathy or else we wouldn’t be continuously attacked by them.”

“Tell me Arthur what would you do if a bunch of knights killed your family, killed all your friends because they were born different!”

“BORN DIFFERENT? Is that all how you view it? We hunt and kill sorcerers because they are different? Sorcerers are the worst beings in this world the only reason one may feel sorry for them is because they look like humans. Sorcerers are monsters and they will be eradicated off the face of the earth. My father swore to do it as shall I! You will be made of an example of. You will rot in prison for the rest of your days! While the rest kin die. Then when feel a semblance of being alone you will join kin in Hell! That is my decree!” Arthur turned to guards who were pinning Merlin to his knees, “Send him to oubliette! I don’t want to see this sorcerers face until the day we win the battle against sorcery!”


	6. Chapter 6

_**FIVE YEARS LATER** _

Things seemed to run smoothly in Camelot. The people were happy, and everything seemed fine. It looks like they never needed the sorcerer in the first place. Maybe the sorcerer lied about how much of an influence he had in Camelot’s future.

Camelot was living the dream. Everything seemed perfect. But with all dreams, they come to an end.

One day rumours started to spread about Morgana. That she was alive. That she escaped Sarum’s iron-clad grip. Apparently, she had managed to assemble an army and was hiding in Camelot’s forests. Arthur didn’t really believe the rumours, but he sent out a patrol to appease the court.

The patrol never came back, so he took it upon himself to go with a couple of guards. If Arthur was being honest it was a mistake.

* * *

Explosions were going off in every direction. He collapsed on the ground groaned. This was it. This was the end. He felt his life falling from beneath his grip. Yet somehow, he didn’t die. He slowly got up and ran. He ran for his life. He wanted to see Guinevere, his wife. He was determined to see her. And finally, the safety of Camelot’s gates drew nearer and nearer. Nothing was stopping him. He felt his legs nearly give way, but he pushed through and he ran through the gates. He was safe.  
He didn’t stop running until he saw Guinevere. He grabbed her and held her close. His heart was pounding in his chest. He took a deep breath and looked at her, “We have to assemble the war counsel. Morgana is back.”

* * *

The knights and lords argued amongst themselves on what was the best course of action.

There had been rumours that Morgana was in the area. They sent out a couple of soldiers, but none returned. Seeing that none had returned Arthur with several guards went over to see. Everyone had been killed all except Arthur. Arthur was staring hard at the table. Morgana has killed them. She slaughtered them without remorse.

“QUIET!” Arthur shouted, “Arguing amongst ourselves won’t change a thing! She is back and nothing will change that! We need a plan!”

“Sire, the best course of action is try for time.” A fleeting voice in the chamber spoke. Everything froze and they stared at the lord who spoke. “We need to do peace talks.”  
Arthur stood up and looked Lord Andrew, the lord who spoke The Lord was a weathered looking man, his hair was already greying and receding. Lord Andrew was one of his father’s most reliable ally.

Arthur shouted in anger, “What?! You want me to bargain with a sorceress! Entertain peace while she slaughters our own?!”

“Si... sire... you... you... you misunderstand.” The lord paled considerably.

“Tell me Lord Andrew. In your vast experience of making sure the grain is up to count do you find that you are experienced enough to advise on war?!”

“Sire. What I mean to say is we have low resources. Tell me Sire how will we feed our soldiers when we have nothing. How will we fight when we don’t have the numbers match? I count Sire that’s what I do best just like you said.”

“I will not bargain with a sorceress!”

“Then don’t, Sire. Trying for Peace talks buys us time. Time we most definitely need. Please Sire just do this. If not for me then for the sake of the people.” Arthur gritted his teeth.

“Raise your hand if you think like Lord Andrew?” The lords including Gaius, Geoffrey and Leon raised their hands. Cowards the lot of them! “And who opposes?” The young knights present raised their hands. “We go to war. Everyone is excused. Except… Leon a word please.”

Leon stayed back with a confused expression. “What is it Sire?”

“What was that?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Are you opposing me Leon?”

“No sire.”

“Then what was that?”

“Just because I don’t agree with you Sire all the time doesn’t mean I oppose you.”

“And you think you can do a better job?”

“Sire, there are times when you find yourself at the back foot. One thing I have learned throughout my knighthood is that you can’t always use brute strength to win. Sometimes you require something... unorthodox to win.”

“And what would you suggest?”

“I would suggest knowing what you have and knowing how to exploit your enemies weakness.”

“That sounds like Morgana.”

“That’s because it is. She knows she needs time to win. She knows the longer she takes the longer the more people get restless and the more likely they are to rebel.”

“And you know this how Leon?”

“Think like an invader. What would do if you were an invader?”

“I would never forcibly invade others land.”

“That’s not the point sire.”

“Then what is?”

“Guessing what the enemy will do next.”

“So, I should leave the hopes of my kingdom on a guess?!”

“If that’s all you have gotten from this conversation, Sire. Then there is no point to continue this conversation. I will no longer oppose you Sire.” Leon bowed lowly and walked away.

* * *

“Arthur are you sure you don’t want to listen to the advice of your counsel?” Arthur raised an eyebrow at his wife. She normally didn’t agree with the counsel… well on anything.

“You don’t agree with counsel normally?” Guinevere rolled her eyes

“Arthur, a broken clock is right twice a day.”

“What does that mean?!”

“It’s an expression Arthur. Look Arthur, I asked Lord Andrew and he looked at our reserves-”

“Lord Andrew has never fought a day in his life! He has no war experience whatsoever. Why would you go to him?”

“Arthur your father, trusted Lord Andrew-”

“My father trusted Aredian the witchfinder. Your point?”

“Your father trusted Lord Andrew because of his skills outside of fighting. He stood out because he was intelligent. His aptitude in Mathematics is the best in Albion. If he says that the reserves won’t last us through a war, then we are inclined to listen to him.”

“Look Guinevere, my dearest wife, I’ve also looked at the reserves and I think we can win this war.” Arthur said confidently, “Why should we trust a man who has never fought?” Guinevere stared at him wide-eyed.

“Arthur, you are a fighter, a king. You are not a scholar.” Arthur opened his mouth to argue, “And you don’t have to be. You have people to help you and give you the information you need.”

“I’m not having anyone ‘hold my hand’ Guinevere! I’m not going to be somebody else’s puppet!” Guinevere looked confused for a second and then in dawned upon her. Merlin. She remembered what Merlin said about Arthur being a bad king. She swallowed an insurmountable lump in her throat and took a deep breath.

“I’m not asking you to be a puppet, Arthur. All I am asking you is to listen to the advice given by your friends, by your allies.”

“Yes ‘advice’. It starts as advice then it turns into manipulation! Then they control my kingdom!” Arthur shouted at Guinevere. Gwen sighed

“Arthur not everything is about Merlin. Not everyone is like Merlin.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You think its Merlin’s fault Arthur. You are not seeing clearly. You’re blinded by Merlin and you refuse to put trust in anyone.”

“What I learnt from Merlin is that anyone is able to betray me.”

“I am able to kill you Arthur. I am physically capable of doing so. I could poison your food. I could slit your throat while you sleep.”

“I fail to see where this is going”

“Just because I can do doesn’t mean I will. You are able to kill me. You are able to kill countless of innocents with just your word.”

“Yeah but I won’t”

“Why?”

“Because…”, Arthur froze and stared Guinevere in the eye, and simply smiled, “Well played.”

“You see Arthur?”

“I do. It means that I have to keep my circle tighter because anyone can betray me. I could be enchanted. Thank you, Guinevere.” Arthur walked off leaving Gwen in stupor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N The reason I decided to do a time skip will be explained later but there is a reason. What I can say is that people are different. Merlin will be different. Arthur is different. This is the beginning of Arthur crumbling under pressure. Him grasping to maintain a hold on his kingdom. He doesn't trust people because of Merlin. We see the mistakes he makes because he doesn't trust people, but most importantly we will see the effects of it. The thing is, Arthur, in his own twisted way is trying to prove Merlin wrong. He is trying to prove that he can rule. That he can be a good king. But ruling with your heart and not your brain is the cause of many rulers’ downfalls.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A WEEK LATER** _

Pressure was mounting in Camelot. It seemed like everything was in the brink of insanity. Luckily, harvest was coming in so that would shut Lord Andrew up. But there was another problem, the scouts had just come back with the number of soldiers Morgana had under her command. They were outnumbered five to one, and that was not counting Morgana’s abilities. Damn! The only thing they could do was train normal citizens. Once he solved one problem another problem arises. Problems kept cropping up. They didn’t have enough weapons for all the new conscripted ‘soldiers’.

Ever since Tom, Guinevere’s father, was executed the burden for supplying the army was shifted solely on to the royal blacksmith. The royal blacksmith was an old man who constantly reminded everyone that he couldn’t move as fast as he could in the old days. The man also never picked up apprentices, citing that he wouldn’t work with incompetent children. Arthur tried to convince Elyan to go back in the forge, yet it seemed that Elyan never picked up his father’s art. It just made Arthur’s job so much more harder.

There was also another problem. Gaius. The medical supplies were at an all-time low. It has appeared that the servant Arthur had sent to help Gaius was too afraid to venture outside the citadel to get much needed herbs.

It wasn’t much better inside the court either. It turns out word of the shortages had reached Lord Andrew once again he was repeating same thing… ‘Peace Talks’. It reached the point that Arthur bared the man from speaking in the court. And he told him that if he had problems, he should direct them to Sir Leon. Bah, the man had never picked up a weapon let alone knew how to conduct a war. Arthur had been raised since the day he was born to be a leader; He isn’t foolish or stupid, he knows what he is doing. He had been king for eight years.

* * *

**_A WEEK LATER_ **

“Morgana is hounding our steps Arthur! We have no longer have the resources to fight back.” Leon stated.

“What do you mean we no longer have the resources. Harvest was last week.”

“Well it was but Morgana raided our supplies and burned the fields.”

“What?! Why wasn’t this bought to my attention?! Lord Andrew!”

“Well... Sire you told us not to.” Lord Andrew spoke without looking Arthur in the eyes, “In the last week war counsel, you said you barred me from speaking.”

“Yes, I did but I thought you would come to me about crimes Morgana committed!”

“Well... sire you also delegated any of my problems to Sir Leon.”

“So, you mean to tell me we have no resources?”

“Yes sire. We don’t have enough weapons, soldiers, or food. Rebellions are likely to start next week. What do we do sire?”

Arthur took a deep breath, “Let’s take break and go back to the matter later.”

Lord Andrew stood his ground, “No sire tell us how? Tell us how will we stop the rebellions? Tell us how we will win the war?”

“You forget your place Lord Andrew!”

“Do I, sire?” The lord raised his eyebrow in anger, “Or do you forget yours?! Tell me sire what have you brought us? You brought us a war. Correct a war that must be fought but should have been fought in our own terms. Now on top that you bring rebellions! Tell me sire what do we do?”

“We will figure it out.”

“’We’ sire? You look to us to fix **_your_** mistakes? Tell us sire when do you finally accept the fact that you made a mistake! When do you finally accept accountability?!” Lord Andrew pounded his fist on the table.

“We voted.”

“Did we? Three quarters of the men who were in this room when we voted are dead!”

“You should be honouring their sacrifice not spitting upon it!”

“Was their sacrifice made in honour? Did they have no other choice then march into the jaws of death? No sire their deaths could have been avoided if you had just listened!”

“To whom, a man who’s never fought in a war?”

“Just because I haven’t fought in war doesn’t mean I don’t know what is required in a war! You need food, you need an army and you need weapons. Lacking one of them makes your campaign feeble!” Lord Andrew looked down on the table and scoffed, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this. Because who knew someone so wrong could be so right.”

“What does that mean?”

“The sorcerer was right about you. You aren’t a good king. You aren’t even a good solider.”

“Get out!” Arthur eyes narrow in anger, The lord gave stood his ground and stared the king down, “GET OUT!”

“As you wish, sire” The lord stood up and left.

* * *

_**TWO DAYS LATER** _

Descent was in every corner of the kingdom. The new conscripted soldiers were rebelling because they were forced to fight. The people rebelled against the lack of food and resources. Things seem to get worse and worse.

Every time he provided and executed a solution, he seemed to be walking two steps back. Although the lords didn’t say, they laid the blame at him, he could tell just from their eyes that they blamed him. The fact of the matter is that it is his fault. He **f** **ailed** Camelot.


	8. Chapter 8

“Have you sent out word to our allies, sire?” Gaius asked during another long War Counsel meeting.

“I’m sorry?”

“I asked if you have sent word out to allies for assistance.” Arthur froze for a second.

“Yes of course I have! However, our allies have thus far been unresponsive.” Arthur said lying through his teeth. In all honesty he hadn’t. Anyone could betray him. Odin has already worked with Morgana as had Annis. Rodor and Mithian would probably not send help. King Lot was still a boy and would be no doubt be manipulated by his ‘advisors’ in to saying no. So better keep the circle as tight as possible.

“Are you sure sire-”

“Do you doubt the word of the king, physician?” the young newly knighted, Sir Bedivere defended.

“No Sir Bedivere I don’t doubt the word of the king. I just doubt that. At the very least that, Princess Mithian and her father King Rodor would not help us out as we helped them out in the past.”

“Maybe the news, for our need of aid hasn’t reached them. But no matter we can’t place our hopes on a maybe.” Gaius didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t say anything in the matter. He refused to rely on anyone apart from his kingdom. HE had to win on his own strength. On his own strategy.

* * *

A section of Camelot’s walls were sent crumbling down. Everything his father, his grandfather built was crumbling down. 

Arthur couldn’t move he stood there in shock he could see a man trying to grab his attention, his words were registered but Arthur couldn’t move, “Sire Morgana has broken through retreat! Everybody retre-” arrow was sent in the air and slammed into the guys throat. Arthur grabbed the man, but he could do nothing. The moment he grabbed him; the man was dead. His hands were covered in the man’s blood. He clenched his hands into his fists, Morgana will pay. He stood up and drew his sword.

He was left alone standing against an army no one was here. No one will save him, and he refused to retreat. But nothing happened. There was no army. Nothing.

He heard Percival call his name and they walked to war counsel in silence not one of them dared to raise their voice.

When he entered the war counsel, they were going ballistic. But the moment he entered there was stone cold silence. Gaius stood up and looked at Arthur. Arthur knew from the moment he looked at him what he was going to say, “Arthur we need Merlin.”

“I refuse to enlist help from a sorcerer!”

“Your men are being slaughtered, Arthur! Now is not the time to arrogant! We need Merlin. We need his help.”

“What makes you so confident that he can give us the help we require?”

“Merlin is the most powerful sorcerer in the world, Arthur. If he can’t do it no one can”

Arthur laughed, “The most powerful sorcerer in the world can’t get out of a hole?!”

“Arthur, Merlin would stay in that hole for centuries if that meant you would give him the chance to explain himself.”

“He didn’t seem too keen on explaining himself during his trial.”

“Arthur now is not the time to dwell on past events. We need to look to the future. We need Merlin. We need his help. Whether you like it or not.”

“You think he can fight a high priestess like Morgana?”

“Merlin fought against Cornelius Sigun and won. He fought against Nimeuh and Morgause and won. If he can beat them, he can brush aside Morgana.”

Arthur growled in anger. “Fine!”, Arthur turned to the guards, “Bring the sorcerer!” the guards walked out leaving the room in silence. Everything was quiet. They waited for Merlin. Arthur was thinking about reasons he could say to justify why they wanted his help.

Yet when the guards returned, they returned only with a letter to the shock everyone.

“So, where is he?”

“We don’t know sire when we went down there this was all what we could find.” The guard spoke as he handed the letter to Arthur. It was addressed to Arthur.

“He would stay in the hole for centuries, Gaius?” Arthur turned to Gaius, “So, where is he?”

“Maybe if you read the letter it would provide answers Sire.” Arthur gritted his teeth and opened the letter.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After posting this, I re-read it a couple of days later. I knew I had to change it. There were things I found lacking in it. things that weren't defined as well as I liked. Don't worry the ending hasn't changed, XD, But I just had to change it.

_Arthur,_

_I have been stuck here in this hole for what I can only assume is a year, It's hard to tell with there being no light… and only darkness. You have probably reached the conclusion that I am not in the 'oubliette' anymore. If you haven't then you are more stupid, then I remember._

_However, I digress, after all this time I can only think about what I have done to deserve this punishment._

_I have done a lot in my years of secret service for Camelot. A lot of it good, more of it bad, maybe that's why I allowed myself in here in the first place. But right now, I stand thinking about what more can I offer the world, what can I give to the world that has taken so much from me? The answer is nothing. I have given the world a lot in my service. I have made sacrifices for Camelot I wish I hadn't. But that is the past. I no longer think about the what the world has taken from me. I think about what the world can give me._

_The answer is everything. The thing is Arthur, I want to live. Truly live. I want to love. I want a family and children who I can love and cherish. But I know what will happen to them if I do. I know what will happen to my children... to whom I choose to fall in love. I know what will happen to them if they are born in this world._

_Until something changes... until the there is a world where people with magic and people without magic can live together in peace. I can't live. For a long time, I thought you were the man to do it. I thought that you could be the man to do it given the now I know. I KNOW that you will never be the man to do it. You have proved that to me. There is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind know that!_

_When I look back at our times. The time we shared. The adventures we went on. I see it more clearly. I see what kind of man you are. You are still the arrogant prince I met all those years ago. The same arrogant and naive boy. I will not pretend that I wasn't naive or stupid because if I did, I would be lying to myself and I would be lying to you. But I grew. I adapted. I learned from my mistakes... my failures. Whereas you never did. You made the same mistakes over and over and over again and the problem laid with the fact that you never learned. Or choose not to._

_Maybe... some of the fault lies with me. Maybe I spared you from the harsh face of the world. That every action as a consequence when you are a king. You went about doing your stupid decisions and I stepped in to prevent the fallout. We are all born ignorant Arthur and I recognise that Arthur and I accept that but, in your case, you have worked very hard to maintain such levels of ignorance and stupidity._

_Your fatal flaws are that of your ignorance and arrogance. You believe you are invulnerable. You believe your kingdom invulnerable. You think that just because you are from Camelot or king that you can win every battle. Maybe one day you'll see the error of such belief. However, should that day ever come, I fear that it will be too late, and you have already lost your Kingdom to an invader._

_I struggle to understand what enables you to believe such nonsense. But then I remember. I remember that you have worked your hardest to maintain your ignorance._

_I fear that I am running out of paper. Running out material and ink to write with. But maybe there is too much to say. Too much has passed between us to leave on a feeble piece of paper because even if the ocean were ink, the ocean would be exhausted before I would be finished._

_There is only one last thing I would like to say. One last thing I HAVE to say. There is something you should know about Camelot. Something I have known ever since I came to Camelot, but I ignored for the sake of 'Destiny'._

_There is something in Camelot. Something that I cannot begin to describe. There is this darkness that infects the soul. It makes you do unspeakable things. Things that no normal person would do. I don't know if it's the people or the rulers. Because in what world would people cheer and celebrate the massacre, the slaughter of their family, their friends, and their neighbours? None. There is no world, no place apart from Camelot which does this. Maybe the answer eludes me due to what I am. Due to looking at it from the other side of the spectrum._

_But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving Camelot hopefully forever. But I know one day I will see you again. I know one day you will come for me. Either to capture me, to forgive and understand me… or most likely to beg for my help._

_I don't know if I would ever give you the help you desire when you call for it. But I will give you location for each two places you can find me._

_If you want to forgive and understand, go to the Lake of Avalon. And if you want help, go to Ealdor._

_Merlin_

_P.S The time for forgiveness and understanding ends once you lose your kingdom._

* * *

"So where is Merlin?" Gaius asks impatiently. Arthur looks up to Gaius and sighs.

"Merlin knew Camelot was going to fall! He also writes that the time for forgiveness and understanding ends once I lose Camelot. Sounds very condemning doesn't it Gaius?"

"Merlin would never go against Camelot!" Gaius argued passionately. Arthur rolled his eyes. Gaius was blind.

"You said Merlin would never leave that hole, yet it seems to me he has left?!"

"That must not be all he said Arthur. It's a long letter." Arthur stiffened which Gaius seemed to notice, "Arthur what did Merlin say?"

"He said that there is something wrong with Camelot! He also says that he hopes he never has to come back to Camelot! He says there will come a day where I will beg for his help! The gall of that man!"

"He's not wrong, Arthur." Percival said softly. The giant never spoke unless he had something important to say. There was this thoughtful look in his gaze.

"What in God's name are you talking about?!"

"Arthur there is something wrong with Camelot, if I were him, I would hope that I would never have to come back. But that's not just it. The day where you beg for his help. That DAY is **today**! In all accounts he was right!"

"So, he was working with Morgana all along!"

By that time, it looked like Gaius and Percival were at their wits end. “What?!"

"You see everything he has done since leaving Camelot. He has made sure it aligns with his 'predictions'." Gaius rubbed his face in anger.

"ARTHUR! Now is not the time to be stupid! Or... or wilfully ignorant! Merlin is smart person-"

"Yes, Merlin is a remarkably intelligent person to have been able to engineer all of this."

"That is not what I meant! What I meant is that we all knew Morgana wasn't dead. We all know Morgana will do next to nothing to get her hands on the throne. MERLIN knows this. Morgana has magic and let's face it she is intelligent… Think about it, where is Morgana?"

"She's outside right know if you must know. I wouldn't go outside to try for peace talks, Gaius." Arthur said in a neutral tone.

"Look Arthur, the walls."

"What walls?"

"Camelot's walls have collapsed why isn't she here?"

"I don't know something is blocking her?"

"YES! Now who is the only person who would actually do it?" Arthur froze. _No. That was impossible. Merlin is a sorcerer. He would never protect Camelot._

"…You have got to be joking!"

"Merlin is the only person able or willing to do it."

"If I believe it is the sorcerer, and that's a big if, what do we do?"

"We retreat into the catacombs and get out of the kingdom"

"Where do we go?"

"Arthur, we have many allies; Rodor, Annis, Bayard, Lot, Godwin… even Sarrum if we have to"

"They would all seek it as an advantage, and I refuse to leave my kingdom in such disarray."

"Arthur what good are you dead? You die that it is it for us." Arthur sent a piercing look at Gaius, "Fine if you don't want to go to your allies where then?"

"Nowhere. WE stand and fight."

"Arthur-"

"NO! I refuse to let someone else to fix my problems."

"Is this what it is Arthur? Just trying to prove yourself that you can repel an invasion. Well let me tell you this sire, Good kings don't have egos. Good kings know the difference between a loss and a victory. Good kings make allies and ask for help when they need it! Do you understand sire?!"

"Well then how am I meant to if it is me and not someone else?"

"That's the thing Arthur that you have failed to understand. It isn't always JUST you! You have an army! Soldiers who will fight and die for you. One man can't fight and win a war just by himself!"

"Merlin did!"

"Merlin wasn't alone, Arthur. Despite his best efforts, he had you, the knights, me, and Gwen. Although we couldn't always help fight his battles, we were there for him whenever he asked for help.

"Yes, that help may not have always been the best for him or may not had comforted him as it should have. But we tried to be there for him as best as we could." Arthur gritted his teeth and punched the roundtable hard. Guinevere and the knights flinched yet Gaius, surprisingly, just stared at him waiting for the next move.

"FINE! We leave through the catacombs and we head to Ealdor."

"Why Ealdor, Arthur?" Guinevere asked.

"Because that's where he said we can find him."


	10. Chapter 10

Thousands were fleeing through the catacombs. Civilians, soldiers, nobles, even the knights. Though admittedly they were closer to squires than actual knights.

They had lost the battle. But it isn't over. It was far, far from over. Arthur knew he would reclaim Camelot, no matter the cost.

They would need soldiers ready to die. If they remained in Camelot, it would be a bloodbath.

Despite the fact that he understood why he had to retreat; it didn't mean it didn't hurt. Merlin's words, both in paper and person, echoed in his head. _"The truth is you aren't that good of a king"_. Merlin was wrong. He had to be. He was a good king… wasn't he?

 _Then why has Morgana taken Camelot if you are a good king?_ Arthur felt his resolve weaken. This was the third time he had lost Camelot. Once probably twice can be excused, but three times?!

NO! He shouldn't dwell on these thoughts. He had already accepted that he had failed Camelot. The only thing he can do his best. And what he knew for sure that Morgana was a hell of a lot worse than he was.

Merlin had to help, or else all of Albion would pay the price for his inaction.

* * *

They kept running, Arthur could see exit to the catacombs. Escape was tangible.

Arthur and the knights ran to the exit. It was quiet. Too quiet. They walked quietly through the forest. The only sound was the branches breaking underneath their feet.

Arthur wasn't the only one who realised this. The knights and the soldiers kept their hands on their hilts, and they made a protective circle around the people who couldn't fight. Something was going to happen.

They had to get to Ealdor, before Morgana realised, they weren't in citadel. Arthur's heart was pounding. If Morgana caught him… or Guinevere or any of the knights. It will be it for Camelot. Camelot would fall.

They kept walking until they heard a sound, _TWIP_ , followed by a loud _THUD_. Arthur turned around to see a soldier on the floor who had an arrow sticking out of him.

"PROTECT THE WOMAN, CHILDREN AND ELDERLY AT ALL COSTS!" Arthur barked at his men. His men drew their weapons and stuck close together.

A man emerged from the darkness with a hundred men. "Pendragon? Morgana said you might flee but I said you were a man of honour. I thought you would go down fighting for your kingdom. Not die in some dingy corner of the forest."

"Do I know you?"

"No, I suppose you wouldn't you were never the observant type. Never sent spies or tried to pry for information"

"You haven't answered my question, who are YOU?"

"I am Sir Rengulf of Camelot."

"I don't remember knighting you."

"No, I suppose you wouldn't because you didn't knight me. The true Queen of Camelot, Queen Morgana, did."

"Morgana is not the ruler of Camelot! I AM!" The invaders cruelly laughed.

"Well then king of Camelot," Sir Rengulf drawled out, "We'll helpfully take you back to your kingdom." Sir Rengulf ordered his men to charge.

It was a bloodbath. Arrows were sent flying in all directions. This was War.

His sword was coated with blood. His hands and arms were covered with blood. They painted the forest floor with blood. Blood from both sides. Blood of innocent and guilty mixed together... made indistinguishable.

But as if it were some miracle, God smiled on Camelot's righteous. they beat them. Sir Rengulf was brought to his knees, in front of Arthur.

"WHAT IS MORGANA PLANNING?!" Arthur screamed at him. The man had the gall to laugh at him.

"You haven't figured it out yet even now?" The man spluttered out. Arthur shoved the tip of his blade into the man's shoulder. The man screamed out in pain. In his haze of anger, he could hear Guinevere telling him to stop. Before he could extract more pain from the man. Leon slashed his blade across the newly knighted man's neck.

Arthur turned to his knight. "WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Arthur now is not the time to torture him. We have to run away. We have to get to MERLIN or else we stand no chance whatsoever."

"Am I The King, or are you?" Leon punched Arthur hard, to the surprise of everyone. "W..Wha..why?"

"You are the king, Arthur! Nothing you or I can say or do anything to change that! I've spent the last FIVE years dealing with you. Doing whatever you wanted!"

"Because I am the king and you WILL follow me!"

"Yes, we will, Arthur. BUT you screwed up. You made mistake after mistake. Every time I told you that you shut me down! Well guess what Arthur you dragged this kingdom to hell-"

"Don't you even-"

"ENOUGH ARTHUR. ENOUGH. NO MORE! YOU ARE A MAN! YOU WANT TO BE KING?!" Arthur walked up to him, squaring up to him.

"I AM THE KING OF CAMELOT!"

"YEAH YOU THINK SO?! Leon shouted back at him not backing down. "THEN START ACTING LIKE IT! We have lost more than three-quarters of our men in this war. And if we want a chance to reclaim Camelot, we have to go to EALDOR, right now! OR else we are have lost everything we fought for. Everything we spent years building! Everything we have sacrificed would be nothing!" Arthur gritted his teeth and walked to him.

"I know what we have lost Leon. I know every man we have lost. I know what every man has sacrificed for me, for my kingdom. I'm not oblivious."

"Then let's pray that is the case, sire." Leon walked away from him and addressed the people, "Too many people going to Ealdor will be suspicious. We have to split up. The King, Queen and the knights will go to Ealdor. Gaius will also come with us to persuade Merlin."

"Yes Leon." Gaius nodded in agreement.

"Good. The rest of you go as far away as possible from the citadel. LET'S MOVE!"

* * *

They managed to find torches from the invaders and used them to find a way to Ealdor. It took them all night to walk to Ealdor. But they finally got there. Camelot was saved. Everything was going to be fine. The town was like it was all those years ago.

Arthur managed to convince the young King Lot and his advisors to give him this land, after Morgana managed to take over six years ago. Arthur funded the town heavily, getting it rebuilt. In all honesty, it was out of guilt. They had protected and gave him what they had. The least Arthur could do was help them back.

When Arthur and his companions walked in through the village, day was breaking. The village would soon be awake. They walked quickly and quietly to Hunith's house. They pushed the door open and to the surprise of the group, it was empty. No one was here. The house laid bare of all belongings. Nothing was here. Merlin promised he would be here. So, where was he?


	11. Chapter 11

They were tired from their long journey. They had barely any sleep, with the war going on it was a wonder if anyone could get sleep. Arthur took first watch, guarding the door, whilst the others slept.

Soldiers could bust in any moment and it would be over right this moment.

He felt small. Like an ant that is one moment away from being squashed. And he felt tired. Tired in a way that even sleep couldn't cure. It felt like every step he took; he was also taking two steps backwards.

Maybe this is how they would write him. King Arthur The Failure.

He felt himself drift off. He tried not to, but he was so exhausted. So exhausted that he couldn't do anything when a recognisable brown-haired man walked into the room. Arthur barely managed to utter the word "Merlin?" before the man used the butt of his sword against his head.

* * *

When Arthur awoke, the knights where staring at the brown-haired man who was talking. Arthur stayed still pretending to be out so he could listen.

"-As I have said, Emrys sends his apologies that he cannot meet you at this moment. With the current negotiations ongoing, he sent me in his stead."

"Who is Emrys?" Leon asked, "And who are you for that matter?"

"Emrys is Emrys." The man answered Leon in confused manner. Before what looked like a dawning realisation came across his face, "I believe you knew him as Merlin. Though I wouldn't call him that. Only close friends and family are able to call him that." Not-Merlin answered.

"And you are?" Sir Bedivere asked. The man looked around the empty house. Before pinning his eyes on Arthur.

"The king is awake it seems." The stranger directing all the attention to the king.

"My knight asked you a question answer it."

"My name is Gilli, I work with Emrys."

"I've seen you somewhere before, haven't I?"

"I fought in a Camelot tournament once."

"Got, far did you?" Arthur asked in speculative manner.

"Yes, I did. I almost faced Uther."

"But what? Chickened out?"

"No."

"Then what?" The man, Gilli, looked Arthur dead in the eyes.

"I would've killed him."

"W..What?!

"Your father is not a good person Pendragon, and neither are you. Your father killed a lot of people. A lot of innocent people."

"So why are you helping us?"

"Arrogance Pendragon." Gilli tutted, "Arrogance. Not everything is about you. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Emrys. If I were up to me, I would just leave you to your fate. But Emrys, he's complicated. He thinks."

"So where are we going. What does Merl-"

"PENDRAGON! Don't say his name!"

"Why? You told us close friends can call him Mer-"

"You're not close friends, now are you? People haven't forgotten. Neither has Emrys. Trust me when I say this the guy you knew, Merlin, He's dead. You want his help? Don't wind Emrys up. Don't push him. You listen to what he says, and you do it! If he says jump. You jump. If he says roll over, you roll the fuck over. Understood?"

"I am a king-"

"Well, your highness. Where you're going, those people are going to braying for you and your knights' heads. There may be a policy to prevent a sorcerer going to Camelot and waging a one-man war. But you're coming to Drakonia, there is no law protecting you there. Emrys offers anyone who comes to Drakonia asylum. But should he recede it you'll perish." The man stood up. "You have a choice now you can come to Drakonia with me or you can piss off. Your decision. Word of warning once you decide you can't go back on your decision." The man walked out of the door an into the village.

* * *

The was a huge row after the man left. Arthur on one side. Leon and Gaius on the other.

"You heard Gilli. Merlin has changed. He wouldn't help us! All he will do is lure us in, and let the people kill us" Arthur argued.

"Arthur, we have no choice… no other option. You want to send men marching to their deaths?" Leon snapped back.

"That's what will happen if we go to Merlin."

"Arthur, we have walked all the way to Ealdor. To get to Merlin. Merlin is the only person who can defeat Morgana." Gaius spoke gently.

The argument seemed to go on but was stopped abruptly when Gilli came through the door with apples and a few bowls of porridge. "Breakfast." The man handed each person a bowl of porridge and an apple, "You have two hours to decide to come with me or I'm leaving."

The older knights, Elyan, Percival and Leon, seemed grateful and accepted the food with grace. The younger knights tired a bit before they started to complain. "You don't have more plateable food, Gilli?" The man rolled his eyes.

"The noble and bold Knights of Camelot ay? More like the princesses of Camelot… actually calling you princesses would be an insult to princesses. You're more like children."

"Not our fault we weren't raised like savages." Sir Bedivere argued.

"No wonder, Camelot lost." That statement raised a few eyebrows

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Knights who squeal at low levels of discomfort. Kings who can't seem to make a good decision."

"Hey-!" Arthur started.

"Make your choice! Because I am not staying here. I am not going to wait around for you to come to your senses. I actually have things to do. You aren't the top of my list Pendragon." Arthur gritted his teeth and raised his sword at the man.

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT-!" The man in turn raised his sword.

"Don't threaten me Pendragon!" Gilli spat out at him. "The only reason your alive is because of me. There are soldiers outside looking for you and I can easily turn around tell them you're here."

"Merlin sent you to do a task. What do you think would happen if word got to him you got us killed?" The man raised his eyebrow at Arthur and lowered his sword.

"You think Emrys cares about you? The man who locked him in a hole for a year. The man who punished him for saving lives. The man who repaid good deeds with condemnation and rejection. Emrys doesn't care. In fact, he told me if you died on the way to Drakonia he wouldn't blame me. Pendragon." Arthur faltered and drew his blade down.

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want, I don't care, right now I'm your only chance of… well living slightly longer. So, what's it going to be Pendragon? Are you coming with me or are you staying here until Morgana finds you and executes you?"


	12. Chapter 12

"What's it going to be Pendragon?" Arthur got lost in the man's sharp gaze, it felt probing and horrible. He couldn't trust the man in front of him. The man himself admitted that he wanted to kill his father.

"No." The man nodded slowly before shrugging his shoulders.

"Fine. I bid you farewell." The man turned to walk when he was called by Guinevere, his own wife, was defying him.

"No, Gilli please stay here!" the man turned to face Guinevere, surprise marring his face.

"Pendragon is your husband and your king. You do well to remember that. I'm not going to help people who don't want my help."

"You misunderstand, Gilli. We want and need your help. I just… can you give us a moment? I need to convince my husband to get his head out of his arse!" Gilli chuckled.

"Fine. Would you like me to leave or stay here?"

"No, it's better if you leave and come back." Guinevere stared down her husband. The man nodded and left.

* * *

There was loud shouting emanating from the house as soon as he left the house. He sat there next to the door munching on an apple waiting to be called back in. She was headstrong, just as Emrys had described her.

Her husband on the other hand, well in fairness, Emrys had given him in detail what kind of person Pendragon was. It wasn't all that surprising; the man was an idiot. Only The Gods know how Pendragon lasted five years without Emrys's help. The man was about as blind as a mole rat… and as stupid as one. How the hell had Emrys not gone insane before then? The king of the legends was a man-child.

Gilli rubbed his face, why the hell was he stuck with this job? Mordred will have to take the next few because he would be damned if he took the next one. Despite liking his job, Emrys's man was difficult. He requires 120% effort all the time. It left little time for his wife and newly born daughter. Which his wife, Linda, never forgot to mention. Linda once slapped Emrys in the face, for that exact reason. It worked, but at the price of that Emrys, Mordred and Gwaine tease him a bit more. _Well guess what at least I've got someone to return to._

He sighed as he continued to hear couple inside the house argue, it got to the point Gaius walked out of the house and sat next to him. At the beginning, there was some sort if companionable silence… before Gaius broke it.

"How is Mer… Emrys?" Gaius asked emotion scratching his voice. Gilli considered his answer and bit his lip.

"He's different."

"Different how?"

"He carries a weight of darkness, Physician. He's not the same man he was in Camelot… or maybe he was but you people have never seen it. I barely knew Emrys before his time in that hole. I knew he was a good man… some may have called him a hero. He certainly saved me. But he's different. At times I see the hero, the man willing to sacrifice, the man willing to do anything to protect those he loves and cares about. Other times, I see the monster, the tormenter, the man who fights to win. I am thankful to every God that I don't have to face him on the other side of the battlefield. But in all honesty, most of the time he is at peace. The few times I saw him before, he seemed restless, unsure of himself. But now, he has found his place in this world."

"Is he happy though?" Gilli looked up at the villagers ploughing the field expertly ignoring them.

"I truly don't know. I think a part of him has been ripped from him permanently."

"Because of the Oubliette?"

"No before that. People born in world that has harsh prejudices against them, have a part missing from themselves, the world has taken that part. The part is something that can never be replaced. He sees that he can never ever be truly happy but I… think he accepts that. He accepts that he can never be happy, but he also realises that the world doesn't have to suffer with him, so he built a world where people with magic and people without magic can live in peace."

"What do you mean by 'built'?"

"You haven't heard of Drakonia?"

"Well… No. What is it?"

"Drakonia is the first kingdom, that allows magic, without the punishment is execution."

"Why would have word reached us?"

"Because don't you keep a close eye on your allies?"

"Yes, but Drakonia isn't our allies."

"I wasn't talking about Drakonia. I was talking about; Nemeth, Amata, Gawant, Deorham, Mercia, Essetir, Rheged, Tir Mor, Caerleon and Cornwall?”

"Well yes of course. But what has this got to do with Drakonia?"

"They've all have removed the death penalty for magic and now in force Emrys's laws for Magic."

"Wha…what?! HOW?!"

"Emrys managed it. He convinced them."

"How?"

"He gave them something better than Camelot could offer."

"Which was?

"Supplies to last past yule and the offer of instant support the moment an invading force comes."

"Even… even Amata?"

"Sarrum was killed during his visit to Camelot. There was no ruler for a time and Amata spun out of control. His son had gone 'missing' years before his father died."

"What do you mean 'missing'?"

"His son had magic. We found him… it turned out Sarrum couldn't muster the courage to execute his son. So, he exiled him. We brought him in to power and introduced stability, gave supplies to last them until next harvest. The people warmed up to magic within days. Within weeks they all swore fealty to their new king."

"Merl- Emrys has brought magic back to the realm in four years?! I'm… I'm astounded."

"I'm more astounded that you didn't know. It wasn't a secret. But that's not all Emrys has done."

"What do you mean?"

"Should an invading force ever… come to claim these lands, England will form."

"What is 'England'?"

"All kingdoms band under one banner and fight against the threat, That is England."

"So 'England' is Albion."

"In a way, yet Emrys doesn't like calling it Albion."

"Why?"

"Albion is the once and future king's destiny. England is his design along with kings and queens."

"Emrys seems to not like a lot of words."

"A reminder and warning, Physician, though I probably should tell this to Pendragon. But Emrys has lines. Lines no man should cross. He has been burned countless times from his loved ones which make him cautious. Don't push him too far."

"That you and I can agree on." Gaius says sorrowfully.

* * *

When Gilli walked back into the house, Arthur was bright red and looking down at his feet. He looked like he had been giving a proper bollocking. Is this what he looked like when Linda, scolded him? Because if he did, he could understand why the guys made fun of him.

He managed a neutral tone and expression, "So what is it going to be? Are you coming with me?"

Arthur looked up and with a quiet voice said, "I would like to graciously accept your help." Gilli smiled.

"Good."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank all these guys who reviewed/kudos/bookmarked; Apex_Calibre, MyPandaEatsBroccoli, TheNeonWarrior, Krazy_Kitty, 12equine12, LuckyLucy, Drew1998, Muffingirl, Kisekikeigo, Kenni_cucumber, DarkNight86, Ruby_Nikzz25, excalibhr, SleepySloth, Nettle29, goddessofsquid, Jedikitten, Tomlinstan, Art33mis, Tricksticks, OpalEyes2112, Gigi16, Spoonie, Calia293, Weird_pale_blonde_person, mia939, NotNecessarilyInThatOrder, CourtneyDeCookie, Todorkie, AnonymityisCrucial, Squeeze_Squirrel, greyhunter28, Baskerlyss, emma2468, Yarniac, Botwell, patroclusstars, AwesomeAllison, geekglassesgirl, Random_Fandom_writer, qollophead, Lozmercer, AnotherWorld3111, letsplayindawn_and_dusk, SelenaSkyheart, 0077, nemo_noon, Miatis, IdiotofCamelot, Shadows_under_the_Cross, ava_s, PeaceHeather, Ibegeeky, Justnope, emilythestrange97, Garbsageab and every single fifty one guests.
> 
> Sorry if I couldn't get all you guys in it. I just wanted to thank all you guys.

_He managed a neutral tone and expression, “So what is it going to be? Are you coming with me?”_

_Arthur looked up and with a quiet voice said, “I would like to graciously accept your help.” Gilli smiled._

_“Good.”_

Gilli went to his bag and pulled out a few robes, “There are soldiers patrolling the border and in Ealdor, you’re going to have to wear disguises.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know Pendragon. Maybe you’re a wanted criminal. Or maybe you are the only person that could legitimately stop Morgana.”

“So, what are we disguising ourselves as?”

“Not we, Pendragon. You, and your merry band of knights, You’ll be dressing up as Priests. You’ll have to wear face covering.” Gilli turned to the former queen and said, “You’re passable for a peasant. But you men will have to dress up as priests. Is that understood?” the knights nodded understanding the plan. “Good. Put the robes on and quit yammering. And whatever you don’t talk until we are outside Ealdor.”

“Why? Why can’t we talk?” Arthur asked quietly. Gilli rubbed his face in anger and impatience.

“Because if someone knows how any of you sound like then we are all screwed. Got it?! That and you can’t come up with a lie as easily as I can.”

“Is that because deception is in your nature, sorcerer?” Sir Bedivere spat out. Gili turned to face the young knight.

“When -not if- when Emrys recedes your asylum. When the fighting starts, I’ll make sure to come after you, boy.” Gilli said with pure malice.

“You wouldn’t-” Bedivere stuttered in fear.

“I would! Now put the robes on and shut up. Pendragon make sure your pup does what I say.”

“I won’t allow you to insult my knights like that.” Arthur said squaring up to Gilli.

“’Knights’ Pendragon? They’re merely boys! He is barely sixteen summers old.” Gilli says pointing to Bedivere

“Seventeen summers, sorcerer.” Bedivere spat out. Gilli scoffed.

“Look let’s just do Gilli’s plan for now and then we can move on.” The queen said trying to be the voice of reason. Arthur nodded slowly and asked him.

“Can we discuss it?”

“WHAT?! No, why the hell would you want to discuss it? What is there to even discuss? Just put the robes on and we can be on our fucking way!”

Gwen walked to Arthur and muttered, “Let’s just do what he says, for now. And then we can talk. We are in enemy territory right now and Gilli is the only way we are walking out alive.” Arthur sighed and nodded, before turning to his men and told them to follow Gilli’s lead for the time being. _Jesus it’s like one step forward four hundred steps back._

* * *

They put the robes on top of their gear and weapons. And wore masks to conceal their faces. They walked outside to the pure light of the day. By the border of the village there was a group of soldiers. Questioning anyone who left and came by the looks of it. Gilli turned to face the group and said, “Whatever you do don’t say a word. Let me do the talking.” They all nodded.

Seeing their ascent Gilli walked to the soldiers and simply said, “We would like to pass.”

The guards burst out laughing, the biggest man stood up, evidently the leader, “And I’d like to be anywhere but in this shithole. But we can’t always get what we want.”

“Here’s fifty silvers.” Gilli tossed the bag to the leader

“Ten silvers per person. We need fifty more. We also have to check every person so robes off.” Gilli looked at the man before him.

“Ten silvers? This morning it was five.”

“Yeah well time changes.”

“Does it?”

“Yes, now pay up!” The man growled at Gilli, “You don’t want any problems now do you?” the group of soldiers rallied behind their leader.

“I’m not paying a hundred silvers.” Gilli said standing his ground. The leader smirked.

“How about this we make the square, little man and if you win. You just have to pay seventy-five silvers? And if I win, I fuck your girl.” The leader points to Gwen. “And you pay hundred and fifty silvers.” Gilli looked at Arthur and at Gwen then he nodded. Gwen opened her mouth to protest but Gilli cut in.

“You have a deal. Is it to the death or surrender?”

“Like you’ll win, little man.” The soldier laughed at him.

Gilli turned to face the king and knights and told them, “Don’t intervene and keep your mouths shut. Or else they’ll do more than fuck the queen.”

"Why did not just pay them?!" Arthur asked in very angry tone.

"SHHH! Because I don't have 100 silvers!" He said walking to the already formed square.

The soldiers gave Gilli a sword and shield. The leader turned and banged his sword against his shield, “Tell me traveller what’s your name?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’d like to know the people whose brains I bash out.”

“Gilli. Yours?”

“Samuel.”

“Well Samuel, you’re not bashing my brain out.” Arthur clasped his sword. When, not if, Gilli lost he had to be prepared.

The man let out a guttural roar and slammed his sword in a downward arc which was intercepted by Gilli’s shield. Which surprisingly didn’t give way. Looks like Gilli was stronger than he looked.

Gilli sent out his own strike out which was also intercepted by Samuel’s shield. The bigger man, using his strength, pushed Gilli into the edge of square. Using his weight against him, Gilli, at the last moment, moved out the way, Samuel was sent tumbling into a side of the square. Gilli seizing the chance sliced at the other side of his opponent’s knees. Samuel fell on to his knees and Gilli stuck the blade at his opponent’s neck. Somehow, he won. Seeing it happen, he still didn’t believe it happen. Like it was impossible.

“DO YOU YEILD?!” Gilli yelled at Samuel. The man nodded. “Will you honour our deal?”

“Yes, I am a man of my word. You’ll have to pay only seventy-five silvers.” Gilli smiled at the man and gave him a hand up. The man struggled to stay on his feet but Gilli helped him to a chair.

Gilli handed him a waterskin, which confused the man, “It’ll heal your legs.”

“You’re a sorc-?” Gilli nodded his head.

“I’m a healer.”

“A healer and you fight like that?!” Gilli smiled.

“How do you think I’ve survived this long?” Gilli sighed and handed him the bad of silver coins, “Here’s fifteen silvers.”

“We still have to check them.”

“Yeah I know. But I wouldn’t advise on it.”

“Why?”

“Have you ever heard of the silent priests?” There was a beat of silence before the man asked.

“No, Why?”

“The reason why they wear a robe to cover their faces is that whoever gaze upon them end up with the same fate.” Gilli said with deadly seriousness.

“Which is?” Samuel asked with a tremor of fear.

“You become blind and mute. The moment you gaze upon them, you join them.”

“Then why-”

“Why do I have them? Queen Morgana, may the gods bless her soul, enlisted my help to have them relocated.”

“Why weren’t we told then?”

“Because they have immense magical ability. Should someone figure out they exist, or The gods forbid, how to manipulate them. We would be in the shitter. And this world would be a hell a lot worse.”

“So, what do we do?”

“Don’t look at them for starts. And don’t talk to them, they would perceive it as an order and try and kill you. Trust me my last partner…” Gilli coughed, “Anyway.”

“What happened?”

“They turned his insides outwards. Why do you think I’m taking care of my new partner?” Gilli said with a deadpan voice. Samuel turned green.

“Right… right. I understand. Men! Let them past! They’ve given us the money.” The men nodded and went back to their life of tedium and boredom.

“Thank you for listening to me.”

“No offence to the silent priests but I like my insides to be inside me” Samuel weakly joked.

Gilli stood up and began walking away from the guard before he turned to face him, “Oh drink the waterskin, completely it’ll help.”

The man nodded and drank from the water skin.

* * *

Once they got to the safety of the woods they took of the robes and Gilli burned them citing that, “They could be used to track them down”. Arthur didn’t know what that really meant, but it was probably better to just let the sorcerer do what he wanted.

After walking for about two hours they decided to take a break. Gilli sat far away from everyone, keeping his distance away from the group. Arthur wanted answers though. Like how he learnt to fight. How did he match the bigger man in strength? Did he use magic?

He suddenly realised he wasn’t getting any closer to the truth. So, he stood up and walked to Gilli before sitting down next to him.

Before Arthur could even open his mouth, Gill asked, “What do you want?”

“Answers.”

“About?”

“You.” Gilli nodded slowly.

“Okay ask away?”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you Emrys sent me in his stead.” Arthur clasped his head.

“Sorry not why…How did you know to go to Ealdor? I mean you weren’t there all the time. So, how did you know that we were there.”

“The answer to your first question is Emrys told me to go here. He said something about a letter. But he didn’t go into details, and I didn’t pry-”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“I trust Emrys. He’ll always do what he thinks is the best. When he made deals with other kingdoms, everyone, in Drakonia, called him Emrys The Crazy. But because of those deals. We are accepted in the world.”

“What deals?” Gilli laughed, “I asked you what deals?” Gilli laughed even harder.

“You truly don’t know?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Whilst you were playing king, Emrys reached out to all the kingdoms. And made them an offer they couldn’t refuse.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Emrys gives supplies to last kingdom past yule until Ostara. He also made the alliance ‘England’”

“‘England’? What’s ‘England’?”

“Should a threat, bigger than all kingdoms, emerge all kingdoms fall under one rule and one banner to vanquish the threat.”

“Why wasn’t Camelot informed of this?”

“Because, Emrys says and I quote ‘Arthur is a foolish man, who will do more harm than good. He will more likely destroy the alliance than be a forming factor in this alliance.’” Arthur felt his heart stop; _Merlin did all of this in four years what had he done? Lost his kingdom?_ “Anyway, moving on-.”

“Who’s in the alliance?”

“Every kingdom except Camelot.”

“Meaning?” Gilli groaned.

Nemeth, Amata, Gawant, Deorham, Mercia, Essetir, Rheged, Tir Mor, Caerleon and Cornwall.”

“Every kingdom?!”

“Yes! That’s what I meant by Every kingdom except Camelot. Gods you have to learn to listen.” After a moment of silence.

Arthur asked, “How did you learn to fight?”

“Gwaine taught me.”

“GWAINE?!”

“Yeah. No need to say it so loudly.”

“Drunkard likes to spend time in the tavern, Gwaine.”

“Yeah, that’s him.” Gilli said with a smile.

“Has longish hair and is seemingly able to seduce any woman?”

“Yeah that _Gwaine_.”

“He’s in Drakonia?”

“Yeah. He’s head knight. Or whatever. Bastard nearly seduced my now wife.” Gilli laughed.

“Why?”

“It is long story of me not having the courage to ask her to court me.”

“Riight.”

“Look if you’re done now. We should get moving.”

“Why?”

“Samuel will probably return to Camelot saying he couldn’t find you guys. Most likely he’s going to mention us, asking why she didn’t tell him about the silent priests.”

“And that’s bad because?”

“There are no such things as the silent priests. I made it up. Morgana would know that and then send them back henceforth a summary execution. You got all of that or do you want me to repeat it so you can catch it?” Arthur gritted his teeth.

“You ought to show me respect.”

“Hmm show respect to the guy who would execute me for something beyond my control…. hmm nah not going to happen.”

“I am a king!”

“King of what? Huh king of Camelot?”

“Yes!”

“Then go into Camelot’s citadel. Walk in there with no deceptions.”

“What?!”

“If you are king of Camelot, you will walk in and out unharmed and you don’t need our help.” Arthur froze.

"That… that would be suicide.”

“You are nothing but a man, Pendragon. A man who can be beaten and manipulated.” There was a moment of tense silence before Arthur changed the subject.

“You’re a good fighter.”

“Yeah Gwaine taught me well.”

“You would make a good knight of Camelot.”

“Don’t make me baulk!”

“What so bad about being a knight?”

“Nothing. The problem is being your knight. I’d rather condemn myself to the flames then serve one like yourself.” Gilli stood up and turned to the group. “Let’s get moving. We are losing day light.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I got the idea for the square from The Last Kingdom (If you haven't watched it you defo should) I'm so happy that I managed to incorporate it in the story. As the shows are set in similar times. And some of the characters corelate.  
> I'm really looking forward to posting the next few chapters. They delve more into characters. Which I think Merlin, as a show, is great at.  
> One thing I don't get though, is that to be Arthur's knight all you need to be is good with a sword and save Arthur's life once. Like everyone is willing swear fealty to Arthur. But let’s be honest some people will be willing to tell Arthur to piss off. XD.


	14. Chapter 14

They had walked until darkness had set before Gilli, using his magic, set up camp.

They had a fire, which they all sat around. The younger knights, Bedivere and Kay, were talking amongst themselves. About how they would have to sleep on the floor. About how annoying it was going to be but, in all honesty, Arthur was no different when he was their age.

Gilli was sitting a lot closer to them making dinner. Which meant something that Arthur didn’t understand.

Things were still bothering him. If Gilli was a mystery, being unravelled, Merlin was seemingly an uncrackable enigma. Arthur needs to as much as possible about Merlin if he wants to get his help. He needs Merlin’s help.

Gilli arranges portions and gives it to each member of the group. Kay sends a disgusted look at the stew which Gilli catches, “Eat it! You’re not getting anything else.”

They in ate in silence, with minimal grimaces and scowls from the younger knights. Arthur decided to take advantage of Gilli’s rare show of social behaviour. “Tell us about Merlin?”

“ _Emrys_.” Gilli said with emphasis.

“Merlin.”

“Call him Emrys when you talk to him if you want the best chance to get his help. Only friends and family call him Merlin.”

“Well good for us because we are friends.” Gilli scoffed.

“Friends? _Right_. What do want to know about Emrys?”

“You said he was different. How?”

“He just is different. How do you want me to explain it?”

“Tell us about what he has done. Problems he faced. I can’t imagine it was complete smooth sailing doing everything you’ve said he did.” Gilli nodded.

“Alright. You want a story? Fine I’ll tell you a story.” Gilli pursed his lips and scratched his chin, “Let’s just finish dinner and clean then I’ll tell you after.” They nodded and continued to eat

* * *

After finishing to eat and washing the dishes, Gilli sat down by the fire, looking at every person there and sighed, “In the first year of the birth of Drakonia, Emrys found huge waste in Drakonia. There was too many resources for our little population. So Emrys came up with a plan. Kingdoms struggled with little resources during Yule, so Emrys targeted them.”

“What do you mean ‘targeted’?”

“Kingdoms had lack of resources during Yule so Emrys told them if they returned magic, he would give them resources to survive during Yule.”

“What did they say?”

“No. They told Emrys, that he had no clear-cut rules. They told him he wasn’t worth sacrificing their alliance to you.”

“What changed?”

“Emrys made a deal with Nermeth. The princess and king helped him, to make… acceptable rules. Emrys also had Gwaine training up the men in the way of the sword and built an army. After some time, he went back to the kingdoms that lacked resources and they accepted his help and his deal.”

“So, one minor setback that’s it?”

“No, this context. These events happened in the course of five months. But during these events, during these deals and alliances being formed. Emrys faced trouble at home. In Drakonia. A man came to Drakonia seeking power. He saw a gap and he seized it.”

“What power?”

“Some people didn’t like Emrys.”

“Why? Not a strong leader?” Arthur said with a teasing tone.

“There were two reasons. One, They didn’t like the Camelot policy. Two-”

“What is the Camelot Policy?”

“No one can attack Camelot. Should they attack Camelot, one who occupies their blood are banished from Drakonia.”

“That’s bad because?”

“Because he denied them revenge.” There was a beat of silence before Gilli continued, “Right the second reason is, they didn’t like the idea of sharing food with people who sided with Uther.”

“So, what happened?”

“The man started making speeches, stating that Emrys isn’t worthy. That he didn’t fight Camelot. That he denied people rightful revenge. He spouted lies and people lapped it right up. The man got power and prestige. Gwaine told Emrys that he and I would deal with him should Emrys say the word. But Emrys told us to ‘Leave him.’ I didn’t understand but we did what he said. Months went by and the man rose in power. Rivalling Emrys’s level of influence. The man got cocky and he thought that Emrys was fool and weakling that he didn’t challenge him. So, he decided to take Emrys on. He marched with his supporters to the main hall and the guards let him in without a fight.”

“Why?”

“Because Emrys told them to. They walked into hall and saw Emrys sitting in a chair facing the rebellious citizens, unafraid. The man told him his time was over. The man was living the best of his life. He was fingertips away from power he sought. But then Emrys, looked to his left and called a girl over. Barely thirteen. The girl walked over and faced the man. The man went white. He had done unspeakable horror on this girl. And she accused him as such. Once the man regained his colour. He told Emrys to prove it. Emrys used memory magic on both of them and proved it. There was another thing that girl, was the daughter of the man’s biggest supporter. He raped the daughter of his biggest supporter.” Gwen gasped in horror but Gilli payed no heed to it, “His biggest supporter killed the man, whilst Emrys just watched and did nothing. The supporter turned to Emrys and apologised and thanked him for supporting his daughter. The biggest supporter turned to the citizens and persuaded them that Emrys was the man for the job. They listened and swore fealty to Emrys. Emrys had beat a rebellion without having to draw a drop of blood.” After a couple of minutes Arthur, his mouth felt extremely dry, licked his lips, and asked.

“How did Merlin know that the man had done what he did?”

“He was walking through the forest one day and saw the girl crying he asked her what happened. And she confided him.”

“When did she tell him?”

“When Gwaine and I asked to deal with the man.”

“He kept it a secret for months?! WHY?! Why would he prevent justice?”

“The girl asked him to because she wasn’t ready to come out to her friends and family that she had been raped. But he admitted that wasn’t the only reason. I asked him the same question and he told me he wanted to destroy the idea of disloyalty. That anyone who opposes him, is viewed in the same manner of the unspeakable. And he succeeded. He won.”

“You’d would work and trust a man like that? A man who prevents and distorts the course of justice to suit his whims. That is a good man?!”

“We don’t need good men, Pendragon. If we had a good man in charge, we wouldn’t get far. We wouldn’t be where we are. Our kingdom would still be an idea… a fantasy. We need men willing to do whatever takes. Emrys is that man. Emrys is not only strong but intelligent.”

“But he relied on the man making an unforgiveable mistake. How would he know he would make it?”

“Emrys told me this, ‘Men like him are drunk on power. He thought he could do anything and get away with it. He thought that he was untouchable. And that was his fatal mistake.’”

“That still doesn’t explain how Merlin knew that he would make the unforgiveable mistake.”

“Men who are corrupted with power think they are invincible, and they can do whatever the fuck they want, and no one can stop them because in this world. Big fucks small. Small can try everything to delay it but it ends the same. Big fucks small. The girl was lucky she found someone bigger than the man.”

“After this story you still call him ‘the man’ what’s his name?”

“Men like him don’t deserve a human name. People in Drakonia call him the unspeakable, the monster, or the man. He’s not a human. No human can do what he did. Not a single self-respecting human can pin a thirteen girl on floor and rape her.” Arthur opened his mouth but Gilli held his shaking hand up, “No more. Enough stories. We have a long walk tomorrow so fuck off and go to sleep I get first watch.” All the men turned in except Gwen. She being more inquisitive and aware then the rest knew something was wrong.

She walked up to Gilli and asked, “Why are you upset?”

“Why do you care?” Gilli lashes out at her.

“Because it’s affecting you Gill. You have protected us when you could have quite possibly left us. The least I can do is treat you like a human and support you like one.” Gilli froze, rubbed his face, and sighed. 

“Do you know that I have a daughter? I just…” Gilli swallowed thickly and stared hard at Gwen, “If someone did that to her and I wasn’t there to protect her.” Gilli turned his gaze to the fire, “I don’t know what I would to do to that monster. Because death would be too kind for him.” She nodded understandingly.

“The fury of a parent is limitless. My father was much the same it wasn’t until he met Mer… sorry Emrys did he change his mind somewhat about boys” 

“What do you mean?”

“My father thought that Mer- Emrys was like the other boys only interested in one thing. The problem was that he wasn’t, and it was I who was interested.” Gilli raised an eyebrow at that, “My father tried scaring Merlin off a couple of times saying stuff like he was a blacksmith and like he knew how use the stuff he makes. Merlin didn’t even know my dad was threatening him” She laughed, “Merlin just started pestering him with questions. Asking him for help about blacksmithing and sword fighting. And he won him over. Before my father was executed, he made Merlin promise that he would look after me. And Merlin always did.” Gilli nodded and smiled.

“Emrys is a man capable of good and evil.” Gwen’s eyes widened when she realised, she called Emrys, Merlin.

“Oh, my lord, I am incredibly sorry, I didn’t mean to offend-” She rambled on until Gilli interrupted.

“It’s alright. I understand that you were talking about the past. But I told you and your friends this story so that you can understand that he has changed, for better or for worse. Emrys embodies some of the qualities you’ve implied in your story, but he is a changed man.” Gwen rubbed the tears streaming down her face.

“Do… do you think he will help us?”

“I don’t know. What I know for sure is that Emrys will do what’s best for Drakonia. Whether or not that aligns for what is best for you, I truly do not know.”

“Gilli do you want to know what I regret the most?” Gwen’s voice was raw and full of regret.

“What?”

“Merlin has always been there for me. He always saw the best in me. He has always helped me in far more ways then I even couldn’t have predicted. But the one time… the one time I could have… not repay because there is far too much to repay… but extend the courtesy I couldn’t. I froze. I didn’t help him. Because I assumed the worst of him. Even if he forgives me, I will never forgive myself. If he hands everyone over to Morgana, I will understand him. And I will go willingly because he didn’t make the first blow. I did. Arthur did. We all did, and we share the blame. Merlin protected us during his entire time in Camelot and we repaid his sacrifice with betrayal and imprisonment.” Gwen turned and looked at Gilli and said, “We deserve punishment. We deserve this.” Gilli sighed.

“Gwen, I must say I admire you.”

“What?! Why?”

“It takes a lot to admit you were wrong and that you made a mistake. The fact that you are willing to pursue forgiveness at any cost speaks volumes. I will try my best to ease Emrys’s anger towards you but…”

“But what?”

“I cannot promise. Emrys is a strong man and if he already has a plan in his mind it will be difficult to make him alter it or even change it.”

“It is no matter. I will accept any punishment; Merlin gives to me. All I beg for in return is that he doesn’t forsake Camelot.”

* * *

The man kneeled in front her. How had he lost them? It was a group of knights, a king, a queen, and an old physician. How difficult could it actually be to find them?

All they did find were ‘Blind Priests’ who took people’s sight and speech. Those blind priests where with black girl, who looked like Gwen, and skinny brown-haired man, who seemingly looked like Merlin. Couldn’t be more obvious. As for Merlin she felt a sharp sting of betrayal he said that he was done fighting when she talked to him five years ago so why the change of plan?

The solider listed excuse after excuse about why they couldn’t find them until she couldn’t take it anymore, “ENOUGH! I want RESULTS not EXCUSES!” she was livid, “You are telling me that you let nine people walk without checking them because what? You believed the word of a man you didn’t know?”

“That man spared my life, your highness. I gave him my word and he gave me his.”

“Yet he was lying.” She clenched her fist and restricted the air flow in the man’s throat.

“What?!” The man choked out.

“There are no such things as silent priests. He made it up, so you wouldn’t check them. YOU IDIOT! You had them in your grasp… but you let them go.”

“Please… Mercy.” The man breathed out. She shook her head in anger.

“No second chances.” She said before she sent him flying through the wall, breaking his neck instantly. “Hang him outside. I want him made an example of to the men.”

“But your highness, Samuel was well liked. It would make the men more…” The second in command caught her look, before getting pale and nodding, “At once your highness.” The man backed out and told his men to take Samuel with them.

When all the guards left the room. There was a sick part in her stomach. She was furious. HOW?! WHY WAS LUCK STILL ON THEIR SIDE?! She refused to lose Camelot again. And no small manservant was going to be the cause of it!

She unleashed her magic destroying everything in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Merlin’s ascent to power wasn’t clean by any stretch of the imagination. Merlin played dirty and won. I think that Merlin is the only one who understands that sometimes you have to be the bad to get the best outcome. Merlin has to be the monster as well as the hero. And he recognises that and embraces it, which makes him stronger.


	15. Chapter 15

When they woke up in the morning, Gilli was still awake. Did the man ever sleep? Gilli was packing up with a wave of his hands and there was no evidence of the fire they had the night before. Magic was unnerving. Arthur slowly stood up and put on his belt which had his sword.

Arthur walked to the man and asked, "When are we leaving?"

Gilli turned to look at him, "Now, tell your people to wake up and get moving. Unless you want to use teleportat-"

Arthur held his hand and interrupting, "We'd rather walk."

"Suit yourself." Gilli started to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"We've ran out of water in case you haven't noticed."

"Can't you just magic water?" Gilli rolled his eyes and just continued to walk away.

* * *

Gilli gathered what they needed, and they set out. They had been walking since daybreak to Mid-day. They were exhausted, tired. Gilli walked ahead of them setting the standard. Putting the knights' stamina and agility to shame. After a few quick paces, Arthur could catch up to him, "How long left?"

"Between thirty seconds, or two hours."

"Thirty seconds?"

"Teleportation is always an option."

"Why didn't you tell us about teleportation before today?" Arthur asked quietly.

"Emrys told me to milk this one out."

"Huh? What?"

"He told me to just to get you out tell you the story than get you to Drakonia."

"So, you could just get us to Drakonia right now?" Gilli stopped and turned to Arthur.

"Yes." Arthur gritted his teeth.

"FINE. DO IT." Gilli smiled.

"Stand back." Arthur took a few large paces backwards. He heard Gilli say some unintelligible words, but something in front of Gilli, black and dark started expanding in size. Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine.

* * *

"I've told you before I'm not getting married, Mordred." Emrys said in a bored tone to Mordred before he could open his mouth. Mordred was lately raising the issue ever since the offer from the king had been made. They were talking in the beautiful garden Emrys had constructed. Emrys always went there when he needed to think (as no one was allowed to go there), Mordred being the type not to value thinking by yourself never really cared about the rule and he came and went as he pleased.

"Why? She's compatible, she's of age and on the plus, she actually likes you. The gods know how gloomy and depressing you can be." The younger man gave him an easy smirk. Emrys rolled his eyes.

"What's got you so obsessed with my life?"

"Maybe I want to be an uncle? Uncle Mordred has a nice ring to it."

"Not happening. I'm not having kids anytime soon. So, if you like children… better start making."

"Nah I can't handle the responsibility." Emrys shook his head at the younger man's antics.

"And you think I can?" Emrys asked in mock surprise.

"Well… yeah, you raised Aithusa and lords knows she's a troublemaker."

"Yeah there's a subtle difference, between a kid and a dragon."

"Is there I haven't noticed." Mordred's voice dripped with sarcasm. Emrys cracked a smile.

"Since we are talking about the prospect of marriage. What about you and erm Esme?" Mordred went bright red at the question to Emrys's amusement.

"Erm uh I urm have no idea what you are talking about" Emrys waved his hand dismissively.

"Oh, come on Mordred, every time we go to Nemeth, you're always with Mithian's handmaiden. Every time I need someone to go to Nermeth you volunteer. When I asked Mithian, what you do in Nermeth? She sends a coy look to Esme, who in turn turns bright red."

"We urhm we urhm talk… yes talk" Emrys nods slowly.

"Are you sure? I think you do more than that."

"What… uh what else would we do?"

"Only you can answer that question my friend." Emrys said gently.

Mordred shoulders slumped, "It won't work though."

"Why not?"

"Because if I choose Esme, I have to live in Nermeth. No offence she doesn't like Drakonia."

"I know."

"What?!"

"I know Mordred."

"What are you telling me Merlin?"

"I'm telling you, Mordred, not to pick me. I can only do what I have to. All I can do is help make this world better than how we found it. You though, you have a choice, Don't pick me Mordred. Pick Esme she's a good girl." Mordred looked ready to protest before sighing. "And on the plus side she's worlds better than Kara and she actually make you happy."

"I know, Merlin. I know she'll make me happy. But what about you, Merlin? What about your dream? What about what you want? Have you ever done what you've wanted?"

"Mordred look at this world… look at what all of us have done. I'm content."

"But you're not happy Merlin. You don't have the one thing you so desperately want."

"That ship has already sailed for me. Maybe my destiny doesn't involve it."

"Merlin, Freya is gone. She's gone. She passed into Avalon and she's not coming back. I'm sorry but you can't just feel sorry for yourself."

"I know she's gone Mordred, that's not why I don't have a love or children." Emrys said with a hint of anger in his tone. He had told Mordred to never raise Freya in any conversation no matter the context.

"Then why?"

"Mordred my life is many worlds beyond crazy. What do you think will happen to Mithian or anyone else if they enter it that way?"

"Mithian can cope. She and her father have been the main advocates for magic returning to England. They faced a lot of scrutiny for siding with you. And above all she taught herself as much as she could about magic so she could help you write the Emrys's laws-"

"Why do people call it that?" Emrys said hoping to distract Mordred with the prospect of marriage.

"Because you are the man who made everything, you built this world."

"Yeah but I'm just one man I couldn't have done it without everyone helping me achieve it." Merlin grunted in anger. Mordred sighed and shook his head.

"I'm not allowing myself to be distracted like this, we are talking about marriage not the law."

"You're also forgetting another thing."

"Which is?"

"I'm a pagan and she's a Christian."

"She's a Christian who accepts magic. And as I have mentioned before, she **actually** likes you, Merlin, which somehow is more rare." Emrys rolled his eyes at his friends antics.

"Yeah but what about Nermeth's court what do they think? Do they support the match?"

"Well half of them are happy about the match and the other erm half…"

"Yeah what about the other half?" Emrys asked eagerly hoping for good but oddly bad news.

"The other half think you're already married-"

"WHAT?!"

"Well they think you got married in secret."

"Why?"

"Because of Camelot." The older man rolled his eyes. _Of course, everyone didn't want Camelot involved in the alliance. Everyone didn't even want Camelot knowing about the alliance._ Somehow according to former lord of Camelot, Andrew, they still didn't. Mordred continued to natter on about the pros of marriage which Emrys just mostly ignored in all honesty.

"-Look I know it's a big change but look at Gilli he's a lot happier now than when he was."

"Yes… yes, I'll put it consideration."

"You didn't hear a single word I said did you." Emrys perked up.

"No, I heard what you said."

"Then what did I say?"

"The pros on Marriage." Mordred narrowed his eyes.

"Lucky guess." Emrys smirked at him. Iseldir sent him a telepathic message saying that King Leonard's messenger had arrived.

"Oh, looks like King Leonard of Amata messenger has arrived." Emrys stood up and walked away.

"Arsehole." He heard Mordred mutter to himself.

"I heard that."

"You were meant to." Emrys laughed good-naturedly whilst walking away.

* * *

King Leonard just had to send the most boring man in all the kingdoms in England, didn't he? Like he probably lined up the most boring man with the most monotonous voice and sent him here. It seemed like George had competition. And as if things couldn't get worst, Arthur was waiting outside. He told Gilli to leave him waiting as they were busy. That was half an hour ago. And he was starting to regret that decision. The man just droned on and on non-stop. It looked like most of the court were close to falling asleep.

"Tell us your name messenger, all this way you must fell tired from the travel."

"My name is George, sire." _Of course,_ "As I was saying-"

"George, does King Leonard have a written list of things he needs?"

"Of course."

"Do you have the list so I can read it for myself?"

"Have I done something wrong, sire?" Well shit he knew how bad George… Well Camelot George got bad when he thought he did something wrong.

"No, of course not. I have just trouble with my memory." Emrys said with a gentle smile, which George bought.

"Here sire." Handing him the list. Emrys read through the list. The supplies hadn't lasted. As thieves had raided it.

All they need is supplies and soldiers. Emrys nodded.

"Tell King Leonard that he can-," Emrys stopped talking and focused on the people behind the messenger. The men who had just burst into his court. His eyes widened in anger, and he stood up. Arthur and his knights had bust through the door sword in hand.

The guards instantly surrounded them. _How dare he!_ "Gwaine tell your men to stand down" Emrys said to Gwaine in a deadly tone which everyone except the intruding party caught.

Gwaine nodded, and his men pulled away. Arthur sent him a happy smile and told his men to stand down. He felt sick and more angry then he had ever felt in his entire life, "How dare you enter my court with your sword drawn?!" Emrys said with every ounce of anger he felt.

"We require urgent help-"

"Then you wait your turn and you petition for our help." Emrys said barely restraining himself, from killing the man. He walked closer to the man as he talked.

"I said we require urgent help; we don't have time-" Emrys nodded, then slammed his fist in Arthur's nose, there was a satisfying crack. Arthur nose instantly exploded sending blood running down his face. The 'knights of Camelot', predictably, went for their sword. Emrys used a spell which stuck swords in scabbards. The men looked at him with surprise, and admittedly a bit of fear. Before, he sent them flying to the wall.

"Well I hope you have enough time to spend in a cell." Emrys turned around to face Gwaine, "Gwaine, take them to the cells I'll deal with them later."

* * *

Arthur groaned as woke up, of all the outcomes he thought of he didn't see this one coming.

He pinched his nose and looked up. The blood was sent rushing to his head. Who knew Merlin could hit so hard? He managed to break his nose and beat his remaining knights.

He looked around and saw his knights on the floor. Where was Gwen? Where was Gaius? He was violently snapped out of these when he heard a recognisable voice, "If you are looking for Gwen and Gaius, they're in better accommodations than you're in."

Arthur quickly turned around and yelped, "Gwaine?!"

Gwaine gave him his signature grin, "The one and only."

"Oh, thank god. You have to help us. Merl-!" Gwaine's grin vanished.

"I wouldn't call him that Arthur. Emrys doesn't like people who aren't friends and family calling him that."

"Aren't we friends?" Gwaine walked dangerously close to the bars of the cell.

"Arthur we aren't friends. Whatever delusions you think you had, or still have, I would advise on you not calling Emrys, Merlin." Arthur gave Gwaine a hard stare, which Gwaine just rolled his eyes at, "Why are you here, Arthur?"

"As I said before I need help."

"Morgana?"

"How did you know?"

"We've known for about two years. We knew that Morgana was raising an army. We were just surprised it took this long."

"You didn't think to tell us?!"

"Why would we tell you? You aren't a friend. You would sooner put Emrys and this entire kingdom on the stake the moment we told you or if you figured out that this place even existed."

"I wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't you? Do you want to know why I left, Arthur?"

"My guess Merlin."

"No, because I had nightmares. I started seeing shit. Reliving shit I didn't want to."

"What do you mean?"

"When you imprisoned Merlin, you swore vengeance to kill his kind. And you did that. You went after druids. You went after anyone connected to sorcery. And I…I have blood on my hands because I didn't stop you. I will never give rid of that I will carry it with me til the day I die."

"If I didn't do that what would've happened to Camelot? Camelot is in ruins because of a sorceress. Because of my SISTER!"

"Yet you are here inquiring the help of a sorcerer. Or is the irony lost on you, Arthur?"

"Can you help us or not?" Gwaine scoffed and rubbed his chin.

"Tell Percival that I miss him. It was fun when we made mischief for the head cook." Gwaine chuckled, "It was always fun, and we had good laughs." Gwaine had a bittersweet glimmer in his eyes, "But not all things end well." He smiled once more in Percival's direction. Before he turned and walked away

"GWAINE! DON'T YOU DARE WALK AWAY!" But Gwaine him paid him no heed and he continued to walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I hope you like the first taste of Emrys. He's ruthless and intelligent. And he doesn't forgive grievances as easily. As, to the marriage stuff Mordred was talking about, Emrys is one of the more wanted bachelor, think like Arthur in early seasons before he got married. He's powerful, he's intelligent. So, if you were a king, a knight, or a lord you would want to try and marry your daughter to Emrys. Emrys though notices this, acknowledges it and can read through it. Merlin in the show wasn't the marrying type. Multiply that by like hundred and you got that part of Emrys XD.
> 
> As for Freya, stuff has happened which I will explain that in more detail later.
> 
> he conversation between Gwaine and Arthur is a reference to Arthur's promise to Merlin in Merlin's trial. Arthur did seek out and killed sorcerers and Druids. This will be a huge limiting factor in Arthur's plea when he is trying to convince Merlin to help him out.
> 
> One more thing I would like to say before I end this A.N. is this. I… well I won't say dislike as it is too strong a word, but I just oppose is the quickness in the forgiveness phase in these types of works. They rush through it and it always ends in forgiveness for both sides. I object to that. Humans are complex and there is only so much a human can take before they snap even one as patient as Merlin has a limit.
> 
> Everyone seems to write Merlin as in the wrong. He's wrong for lying. He's wrong for keeping secrets But is he? Is he wrong? Well I think not. I think that Merlin is a tough spot between getting slaughtered amongst the rest of his kin or keeping the secret. Some may say, well he has had time to deal with it. But in all honesty, he hasn't. Has the killing stopped? No, it hasn't stopped, and he's seen it with his eyes. Arthur and his family are the main contributors to the killings. Anyone in Merlin's situation would maintain the lie. To him it is life and death. It's not about trust or albeit lack of it. But it is a secret with the possibility that one mistake and you're on the way to a summary execution.
> 
> I just wanted to say that to explain why this won't be a quick clean forgive and forget type of work. Anyway, cheers for reading. I look forward to updating the next chapter. XD


	16. Chapter 16

Merlin sat there in throne. His advisors were arguing amongst themselves, wondering what they were going to with the former king of Camelot. Merlin paid them no heed. His eyes were stuck straight at the door which Arthur had burst through. His fists where clenched and he was taking deep breaths. Probably trying to resist the temptation to go down to the cells and tear the former king apart.

Mordred was about to ask if he was okay. Before Merlin stood up, and in an instant the court fell to silence, Merlin regarded every man and spoke quietly, “I would like you all to leave.”

“But Emrys-.” Ismael, a druid that Mordred didn’t know well, spoke up, before he was interrupted by Merlin’s glare.

“The former King will not be going anywhere. Until then, he will be given food and water. He is under my protection. I will deal with him later.”

“But-!” Ismael tried again.

“No that is it, Ismael!” Merlin’s eyes glowed gold, “You will all leave! I want silence!”

Ismael backed down and nodded, “Yes, Emrys.” They all left. All who was left was, him and Emrys.

“Mordred I would like you to also leave.”

“Merlin it isn’t healthy to go through this alone.” Emrys stood up and faced Mordred. His mouth was clenched. He looked like he was moment away from losing everything.

“Mordred please.” Merlin ground out, “I just need to think! Can I just have ten minute?!” Mordred sighed and nodded.

“Fine. If you need to talk, I’m here.”

“I know.” Merlin’s eyes were on the ground, “Just… give Leonard’s messenger food and place to stay at the castle. We can’t afford a bad image.”

“You’re thinking about that?!”

“No, not really. I am losing it Mordred. I just have to take of this, first”

“Okay will do.” With that he opened the doors and left.

* * *

Emrys breathed a sigh of anger. He never really was ever angry. Pissed, yeah. But he could never really afford to be angry. People who were angry made mistakes. The only reason he was still alive, the only reason this kingdom was the strongest in England was because he never got angry. But now... now he was. What Arthur did to him. What Arthur’s father did to his family. What the Pendragon family did to this world came rushing back. Punching Arthur was a mistake. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to get that angry. Rulers have to rule with their heads and not their hearts. Arthur ruled with his heart and he failed.

He thought that he was in some semblance ready for Arthur. But when it came down to it, he forgot the plan. Five years had passed, yet he was still the same. If there was any hope for maturity for Arthur it was already dashed.

He still remembered his first night in that hole, so hopeful, so naïve. He clenched and released his fists. He took a deep breath. _Just stick the plan and all would be well._ He repeated the mantra over and over again in his head. Yet why did it hurt? Why did hurt to give his protection (albeit for a short time) to Arthur? Why did it hurt to deny people’s revenge to Arthur?

His brain told him that Arthur was worth more alive then dead. Best case scenario, he would just have to stick with Arthur for a short amount of time then he can get rid of him. _Stick to the plan._ Emrys decided to listen to his brain and ignored his aching chest.

Emrys took one more breath and decided to go and see Gaius. He had Gwen and Gaius separated. He didn’t want to face both of them because he feared. He feared that if he saw them both at the same time, he would abandon the plan and do something stupid and reckless.

Emrys walked slowly to Gaius’s new chambers and knocked the door before entering.

Gaius was calmly talking to his niece, Hunith. She was filling him on what was happening and what had happened. Gaius were shocked just about how Merlin did everything. Gaius wasn’t oblivious, he knew that sometimes Merlin had to do horrible things to protect Camelot. But this new Merlin, Emrys, went above and beyond. Emrys wasn’t above blackmail and bribery. Emrys wasn’t above assassinations. Emrys went to extremes to get the results he desired. That wasn’t all apparently Merlin was going to get married.

Gaius was stunned into silence, until a knock on the door broke it out of his stupor, he turned around and saw Merlin. It was Merlin. He had an easy smile on his face when he greeted Gaius. “Hello Gaius, how are you?”

“Mer- Emrys.” Gaius quickly corrected himself. Merlin- no Emrys- laughed. It hurt. It hurt to be so close to a loved one but only to see a stranger had taken his place.

Merlin gently put his hand on Gaius’s hands and smiled, “It’s fine you can call me Merlin.” Gaius pulled him into a tight hug.

* * *

They talked for a while, there were tears, there were laughs. Gaius was just happy to see him. Merlin had retained a part of himself despite everything he had gone through. But Gaius didn’t forget. Gaius didn’t forget the man opposite him was dangerous. Only the gods knew what Merlin had planned.

“So, I heard you were going to get married Merlin is there any truth to those rumours?” Merlin rose and eyebrow at his mother, who just laughed. Merlin smiled.

“I don’t actually know.”

“Is it Freya?” Gaius gave him a supporting smile, but the moment Merlin’s smile vanished, and the mood dampened. Gaius knew what he said was wrong.

“No. Freya’s gone.”

“But she’s the-!”

“I know what she is Gaius. But something happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“Two years ago, the triple goddess asked me to carry out a mission. A simple finding mission. Had to find the knife of destruction.” Gaius gasped, “Yeah, she wanted to destroy it. So, I did. I found it. And brought it to her. She didn’t tell me how she destroy it or whatever she just did it. The energy in the knife had to go somewhere. So, she deposited it in Freya. It overloaded her and it destroyed her.” Merlin took a deep breath and clenched his fist, “Then a few months past by and guess what I get called back to the lake of Avalon.” Merlin let’s out a humourless laugh, “Turns out she just picked another guardian. Freya didn’t go to Avalon or hell! She was just destroyed! Just discarded like she didn’t matter! There’s nothing left of her! And I…” Merlin broke off, “And I killed her again and this time there is no peace for her.” Gaius sat there stunned he was slowly piecing everything together to understand what kind person Emrys is. He was a born in hurt. A man who lived in anger and depression. Yet somehow this hurt man had built the most powerful kingdom in Albion in four years. Merlin was a secretive person in Camelot. He barely told Gaius all that he went through. Preferring to hold the pain tight and never letting go even as it burns his hands and soul.

“Merlin why are you telling me this?” Gaius asked gently.

“Because I have had it. I have had enough of gods of… of of destinies and all that bullshit. I am going to do what I want. I am going to do what I think is right. Not what is told to me is right. I am not going to put faith in that bullshit again.”

“But Merlin-“

“No Gaius! No. This destiny that is told to be ‘mine’ is a load of horse shit. What… what have I gained from that stupid bullshit? People dead. People I love are dead and nothing will change that! Nothing ease that pain! And for what? All this sacrifice because of ‘destiny’. Well guess what Gaius? Destiny can go fuck itself! Because I am not going to a pawn in their fucking game.”

“You’d rather be the king, Merlin?” Gaius inquired. He knew he was pushing it. He was poking a bear with a stick, it obviously won’t end well, but suddenly Merlin calmed down, relaxed and sat back in his chair.

“I’d rather be able to do what I think is right than what people tell me to believe is right.” Merlin said calmly.

“No man, no matter how great, can escape their destiny, Merlin.” Merlin laughed.

“That’s funny because that’s what the dragon told me when I was first given this bullshit. I told that myself that I was forced to do this. I lied to myself, every time I felt some semblance of anger towards Arthur or when I started to hate Arthur, I just thought that Arthur was just forced into this like I was. But now I know we weren’t. Every choice, every action we made were our own. Every person who Arthur killed is blood on his own hands and I hate him.”

“Merlin a half cannot truly hate what makes it whole.” Merlin laughed even harder.

“Bullshit. Arthur made my life a living hell. And I am not talking about THAT hole. The Pendragon family are monsters. And I made a promise to myself that Arthur will face his punishment one day and guess what today is that day!”

“You’ll hate yourself after this Merlin.”

“No. No, I won’t. Do you wanna know why? Because I didn’t build this life or this kingdom with spite in my heart. I didn’t build this kingdom to piss Arthur off. I built this cause I realised no person has ever gotten freedom begging on their knees. They’ve gotten it because they took it… they grasped it with both hands and never let go. So, I taught myself diplomacy. I taught myself, how to fight. I taught myself how to be a king. I became the person I wanted Arthur to become. I made myself the change. And Arthur? Arthur will be remembered in these times as apart of the bygone era. Camelot will be apart of the bygone era. Unless something changes so radically that I consider to forgive it.”

“And you can do that? All the other kingdoms will listen to you?”

“I made everyone not want Camelot apart of the alliance. I made everyone not tell Camelot of the alliance. What’s one more step to forget trade, or to forget aid, or even to forget Camelot in its entirety?” Then something snapped in Gaius’s mind. A cold realisation came over him. They had lost because Merlin told their allies not to help.

“You told everyone to forget us, didn’t you?! You’re the reason no one came!”

“No, I didn’t do a thing. This is all Arthur’s fault. Word never reached Camelot’s ‘allies’ because no plea for help was ever sent. I recently was talking to rulers and they swore that no word reached them. Arthur never told them. He never asked for help.”

“Why would he do that?” Before Merlin even opened his mouth, he knew. _FUCK!_ Arthur was too proud.

“You and I both know it. Arthur’s all ego, without it he’s nothing. What do you think happened when he realised all his achievements where mine? Or when he realised that he wasn’t a good king. Cause the gods know Arthur can’t bear to be anything apart from what he perceives as good.” Merlin scoffed, “Arthur decided that he would prove me wrong. That he can succeed without help. Despite the fact that he had the help of five thousands soldiers at his beck and call.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Because I know Arthur and he hasn’t changed.” Merlin huffed a laugh, “He’s still the same, stupid prince. And he’s come here to beg for my help.”

“And will you give it?” Merlin smiled.

“Let’s see how good Arthur is at diplomacy then we can talk about me helping him or not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. in chapter fifteen the people who know about Freya and what she was to Merlin think that she passed into Avalon to live with her family for all of time, but Merlin lied. Merlin lied about what happened because he doesn’t want to rely on anyone, even Mordred or Gilli, or even Gwaine.
> 
> He doesn’t like sharing his grief he prefers to swallow it and move on. Focusing on different things and forgetting the terrible. I always wonder how Merlin never breaks down completely in the show but maybe he just doesn’t think about it. He just moves on to the next thing forgetting it. But now Merlin can’t forget it. Because he’s facing it head on. Arthur is that thing. Merlin has to do what is best and as Gilli said, “What I know for sure is that Emrys will do what’s best for Drakonia. Whether or not that aligns for what is best for you, I truly do not know.” I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I certainly enjoyed writing the interaction between Merlin and Gaius.
> 
> As for if this will be a Merthian fic, I’m just going to say we’ll see. ; )
> 
> BTW I always would like to receive constructive criticism. As it helps better me as a writer. So if anyone wants to drop something in the review that you would think would help feel free. Anyway, seeya next chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

Emrys exited as quietly as he came. He nearly lost it in front of Gaius. He was glad that he had the foresight to separate the former queen and the physician because if he didn’t, they, along with his mother, would have persuade him to help Arthur.

Arthur didn’t deserve help. He wanted to succeed on his own merit, so let him fail on his merit.

As he walked to, Guinevere’s ‘cell’, he started to think about possible conversation routes she could take. He briefly wondered if she was going to attempt to being the diplomat, but from what he heard from Andrew was that she more often than not took the backseat preferring to advise Arthur behind the doors.

He had given Guinevere one of the better rooms in the castle, to see how she would react. He knew that the room he had given her was better and had a lovely view of the kingdom.

He rounded the last corner and knocked on the door, before entering.

* * *

Guinevere was standing facing the kingdom, The moment she saw the view it robbed her of her breath. It was beautiful. The sun was getting lower and it just made it more serene. In the distance she heard a knock, and someone enter.

“I’ll be honest, I sometimes forget how beautiful my kingdom is. Maybe it says something about me, that I don’t focus on what matters.” She quickly turned around, to the sight of a smirking Merlin. She forgot herself at the sight of him and she hugged him tightly. It wasn’t after a few moments when she realised that Merlin’s muscles were tense and he wasn’t hugging her back, that she let go of him and apologised red-faced. Once she got past her stutter, she realised that Merlin was no longer smiling and his eyes where serious and gone from all the joy that she had once associated him.

* * *

“Good afternoon, Merlin.” Merlin’s shook his head. It was anything far from ‘good’.

“No, it’s not.” Merlin spoke with quiet certainty.

“Merlin, we have come here-.”

“I know why you here. I am here to tell you that, your husband broke three laws.”

“W..what?!”

“Please sit.” He gestured to the table and chairs. She nodded and sat down, and Merlin followed suit, “The three laws which have been broken are assault of guards, breaking into the court chamber and wielding a sword in the court chamber. The first is punished by twenty lashings to each person. The other two, is punishable by execution.”

“Merlin y..you can’t.” Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Can’t I? Your husband has come here and broken the laws so what do I do?”

“Arthur isn’t apart of Drakonia, he’s apart of Camelot therefore you can’t punish him.” Guinevere said scrambling for an excuse.

“The moment you came here you became Drakonian Citizens.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You are here for protection and help are you not?”

“Well yes-.”

“Therefore, you have asked for asylum and I am happy to tell you that it has been accepted. Unfortunately, 80% of your party broke three laws, therefore they will be punished.”

“Yes, but you can absolve them.” Merlin sat there shocked.

“Okay I absolve them then what? Arthur isn’t any other prisoner. He’s the former King of Camelot. Most of the people in Drakonia want to kill him just for that. But they won’t because I am protecting you. If someone attacks you, they answer to me. However, if I protect Arthur from this, people will lose faith in me. And I will not tolerate disloyalty.”

“Merlin please, Arthur is your friend.” Guinevere begged. Merlin scoffed.

“Friendship is hard to gain and so easy to lose. Unfortunately, Arthur lost my friendship a couple of years ago when he locked me in a fucking hole.”

“He was hurt because you lied to him and kept a huge secret.”

“Guinevere, back then that was life and death for me. I didn’t have a choice. It was either live and maintain the illusion of friendship or die. I am sorry I valued my life over the low possibility of friendship.”

“Just forgive him.”

“I can’t, Guinevere. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I can’t stop this.”

“So Drakonia ran by the people not by its king.”

“You swear to kill all things magical then everyone with even a drop of magic in their blood will defend themselves and they will fight back. You can’t blame me for that.”

“Merlin please, I’m begging you.”

“What would you do if someone did what Arthur did? If someone assaulted your guards, burst into the court with their sword drawn? Would you grant their wish?” She rubbed her face.

“He’s Arthur, though.” She tried once more.

“The law stops for no one, Guinevere not a king nor a peasant. Isn’t that Arthur said?” Merlin stood up, “I have said what I needed to say. Someone will find you and get you to the trial.”

“Merlin, we don’t have time for this Morgana-!”

“I know about Morgana and I’ll deal with her when that becomes problem. But right now, Arthur’s a problem I have to deal with.” Merlin turned and walked away. He stopped by the door to look at Guinevere, “You will have to show up the trial. For now, get rest, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

* * *

Emrys sat down in the chair looking at a mirror. He looked tired. He felt tired. Maybe he could talk to Mithian, but he doubted she would be awake at this time. Despite the fact he always did what he thought was right it was always better to get a second opinion, or an alternative course of action. But to say try and get Mithian’s thoughts he would undoubtedly have to tell her the plans he would be setting in motion. And she would disapprove, like she often did whenever he set complicated plans in motion. Despite the fact that Mithian was so different to everyone, she sometimes could be exactly the same. She didn’t like how he meticulously planned for any eventuality. She described it as ‘terrible way to view life’. She also didn’t see the point in long term plans preferring to go one step at the time. He rubbed his face. He did miss her though; she was fun to be around. But that did not mean he wanted to get married to her.

He loathed the idea of marriage. Because it would be only used by destiny against him just like Freya. It would keep him alive and just kill her. He was already destroyed. His soul was broken. Broken beyond fucking repair. Nah let other people who deserve each other get married and keep Mithian alive.

Some part of himself hated Rodor, for suggesting the idea. It was the first time he was caught unaware, after his time in the hole. He didn’t know what to say. So, he just said that he would think about it. But problem laid with the fact everyone was pressuring him to do it. Even his mother. His mother had hit it off with Mithian straight away. He probably should’ve have seen it coming. But he wasn’t focussing on home his eyes were elsewhere. Focussing on securing alliances, through any means necessary.

He had an awkward talk with Mithian if she knew about the proposal. Turns out it was her idea. _Fuck. Why the fuck was everything so fucking complicated?!_ Emrys punched the table hard, in frustration.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a knock on the door. He turned to see Mordred. He smiled at him, “Evening Mordred, how are you?”

“Yeah fine you?”

“Peachy. So, have thought about my offer?”

“Your offer?” Emrys scoffed Mordred had forgotten. He couldn’t blame him it had been a long day.

“Esme?” Mordred face was confused before it melted into bright red.

“R…ri..right. Yes I remember now.”

“Good so do I have your answer? Because I don’t have a best man speech, yet.” Emrys said with a grin.

“Yes. I Uh I have decided not to get married.” Emrys smile faded and stared at Mordred.

“Why?”

“Uh for starters if I live there, I wouldn’t have a job so I wouldn’t be able to support us.” Emrys nodded slowly.

“A job? Okay you want a job. I’ll tell you this. Nermeth doesn’t have a court sorcerer.”

“What? What does that mean? Of course, it does.”

“Unfortunately, Shilder has gotten older and he couldn’t carry the tasks out. So, he’s agreed to retire.”

“What’s that got to do with me?” Emrys turned as a ghost of a smile touched his lips.

“That was two months ago. Every time I sent you to Nermeth it was to carry out Shilder’s tasks.” It suddenly dawned on Mordred.

“You are an arsehole you know, that right?” Emrys chuckled.

“Rodor has asked for a replacement. At first, he had reservations due to your age but since you have managed to prove yourself… He would be glad to have you as his court sorcerer. Thereby clearing the income problem anything else?” Emrys turned around to face Mordred but instead of seeing a happy face he saw that Mordred downtrodden, then he understood.

“You want me to leave?”

“No, you’re my friend Mordred, my brother. I want what is best for my brother. I’m not the best for you. It’s rare to get one shot at love mate. Rarer to get more than one.” Mordred squirmed in seat.

“Then why don’t you get married?”

“Nah not my thing. Getting married to me would drive the woman crazy.”

“Merlin.” Mordred said with a voice devoid of patience, “You’ve been dodging this issue for a while why?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Merlin, you trust me. I won’t tell a soul.” There was something about his eyes that just made him want to confess. It felt better after he told Gaius. And if he did it would get him off his back. So, he told him about Freya. About what he did.

“Why would she do that? What reason could she possibly have to do that?”

“Why do you think?! I stepped out of fucking line again. I ditched Arthur and didn’t stay in the fucking hole.” Emrys looked down on the floorboards, his voice was raw, dry, and emotional, “Do…” He stopped talking. Swallowed the insurmountable lump in his throat, “Do you know why Freya was put in Camelot? She was put there as a future punishment. Put there just in case I started to wonder away from my destiny. And I fell right into it. She got killed by Arthur, by fucking destiny. because I wondered away, because I considered a different life. But back then I stepped backwards. I didn’t walk away. I stayed in line even after what happened to even after what happened to… to to Freya.” Emrys felt something wet touch his hand. He looked down on to his hand. He was crying. He was cold to everything. So, used to it that he didn’t even realise it. He wiped away the tears, “But now, I walked past the fucking line and I didn’t stop. Even after she des…” Emrys took a deep breath, “I just moved faster and faster and I didn’t stop. I kept going. The triple goddess is going to catch up to me one day. That day won’t be the day when Mithian dies or when she is killed because of my actions. I am asking you to leave cause I don’t want you to destroy your life for me. When Gwaine finds a girl to settle down with, I’ll make sure they leave Drakonia. No one will suffer because my mistakes.”

“These are your mistakes, Merlin? No these aren’t your mistakes. This is injustice, Merlin. You don’t deserve this.”

“Oh, know that’s the lie. I picked up her book stamped on it and set fire to it. It’s coming. We’re at the crossroads, Mordred. That’s why I am not afraid of anyone. Because I have the goddess after me for my insolence. That’s why am not afraid of Arthur or Morgana or anyone. I am just afraid that she’ll take her vengeance on an innocent to hurt me.”

“So that’s why you won’t marry? Because you’re afraid that it would kill her.”

“Oh, gods no some of proposals were ghastly.” Merlin joked weakly, “I like Mithian. I may even love her. But I am not taking the risk, Mordred.”

“If you love her Merlin, she will still use it against you know, that right?”

“Yeah I know. But maybe it hurt less if we aren’t married.”

“Merlin it won’t hurt any less. You’ll just hate yourself even more that you didn’t spend enough time with her.” Emrys grimaced.

“I think about it.” Mordred gave him the look, “No I’ll actually think about, Mordred. Really, I will! No uh I will think about it.” When Mordred finally stopped giving the look.

“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow at the trial.” He stood up and walked away. Emrys watched him leave. Before he slumped back in the chair.

Mordred raises good point. Would he regret not more spending time with her? Then something clicked into his mind. Mordred didn’t confirm whether or not he was going to get married.

Smug bastard. Damnit! He get ahead of him for once on that one. But if Emrys was being honest, it didn’t feel bad to lose that one. Maybe he would let Mordred have this victory just this once.


	18. Chapter 18

Mordred walked confidently into Camelot. The guards let him walk by with no trouble. No civilians were outside it felt like a ghost town. He remembered what it was like even a blind man could tell there was different.

He walked up into the castle and saw a body which was rotting. He paid it no head and carried on walking. He finally made it to Morgana's chambers. He knocked and entered.

When he walked in, Morgana was sat waiting for him, "How is my little spy?" Morgana said with smirk.

"I am fine, the king suspects nothing."

"Tell me everything that has happened"

* * *

Arthur was sat fuming; he didn't realise his knights waking up around him. He just stared at where Gwaine was standing. Of all the people to betray him, he didn't expect Gwaine to be one of them. He clenched his fists. In his haze of anger, he heard Leon calling out to him and walked in front him his back facing the door of the cell.

"Arthur, What the fuck have you done?!"

"Merlin left us out there waiting for too long what was I supposed to do?"

"Be patient! We are guests! You wouldn't do this at Nermeth or Kent or anywhere, Why would you do this here?!"

"Because we don't have time for this!"

"Well we won't have time for Morgana if Emrys kills us!"

"Why are you calling Merlin, Emrys?"

"Because this isn't Merlin. Get that IDEA out of your head and start by actually respecting the man. Because he isn't your servant anymore. He is a king and a powerful one. Probably the most powerful. And if Gilli is to be believed, which he is, Emrys won't stand bullshit."

"Merlin isn't powerful!"

"He has the backing of every kingdom in Albion. Of course, he is powerful. If anything, he is the most powerful!"

"He doesn't have Camelot."

"Well turns out Camelot wasn't that powerful because Camelot lost to half-crazy witch!"

"Tread carefully Leon." Arthur took a few menacing steps towards Leon. But Leon didn't look scared in fact he looked angrier.

"Or-!"

"Arthur!" They were too angry that they didn't realise Gwen was behind them until she shouted his name. Leon stepped away from the door and made his way away from Gwen and Arthur to the furthest part away from the Arthur.

"Guinevere what are you doing here?!" Arthur put his hands through the bars so they could hold hands.

"Merlin has let me come here to tell you what is going to happen."

"So, he's going to hear us." Arthur said with a grin and squeezed her hands. When he realised the action wasn't reciprocated. He knew something was wrong.

"The people are demanding justice Arthur."

"What justice?"

"Arthur, you assaulted guards and burst in the chamber with a sword in hand. The punishment for just assaulting guards twenty lashes-!"

"Good joke. If a guard can't take one hit, what is the point of them?"

"Arthur this isn't a joke! Each knight will get twenty lashes. That's ignoring the two death penalties that you and the knights face for bursting in the court chamber with a sword in hand."

"So, we apologise, and we move on to Morgana. It's not a big deal. I am king of Camelot, Guinevere. It'll be fine."

"ARTHUR THIS IS A BIG DEAL! The problem is that you are a former king of Camelot! Everyone in this kingdom wants you dead. The only reason you are not dead is because Merlin has accepted your asylum!" Guinevere shouted at him, "I don't know what's going to happen, I… I can't read him anymore. He isn't Merlin."

"Oh, please Guinevere the Merlin we knew was a facade this is the real Merlin the one we never saw. This is what mag-!" He was cut off by Guinevere slapping him across the face.

"Magic didn't do this to Merlin! We did. You locked him. And we… we stood by and did nothing. We are responsible for the situation we are in. Magic had no hand in it. You're not going to use magic as your scapegoat again. To stop yourself blaming yourself. This your fault as well as mine."

* * *

They talked for awhile before a small man walked in, hate and anger in his eyes, to the dungeons. His jaw was clenched tight as he spoke, "Hello my name is John I am here to make sure that you get a fair trial. Not that you deserve it. Since when did you or your father ever give a fair trial to a sorcerer. But Emrys says we always have to have a fair trial for our enemies or else we are no better then them." Arthur could clearly see John despised him and hated him.

Before he could open his mouth, Guinevere butted in, "Thank You John I know helping us in any capacity must be difficult."

The man scoffed, "More than you could possibly believe. _But I am just following orders._ " The man finishes with a smirk, an inside joke possibly. Who knew with sorcerers? "Come Emrys doesn't tolerate lateness." The man's eyes glowed gold and the door opened.

* * *

When they walked into the hall, everyone was jeering him. Shouting swear words and profanities at him and the knights it took all his self-restraint to not fight back.

They eventually made it to table and chairs, and they sat down. Opposite them sat Merlin, by himself. To their left sat meek man who looked like John. He presumed that they were siblings. Merlin stood up and everything fell to silence, "Five years ago, I was being tried for possession for found out because I saved their lives. I was found guilty and locked in the oubliette. Now the men who did performed the trial are now being tried by the man who they locked up. If that isn't irony, I don't know what is?" The people laughed at Merlin's joke, "So I promise to the people of Drakonia that will be a fair trial to the defending party. We will read out the list of the offences and call witnesses the defending party will be able to give their versions of events and contest should they wish. I would also like to say that John and Adam are only here to make sure that this fair trial. So, don't hold it against them. They are only doing as I have asked of them."

That's when it began.

There was a rapid fire of questioning witnesses and the assaulted guards. But Arthur kept his eyes trained on Merlin. _What was this?_ His mind was so stuck focusing on Merlin he didn't realise he was being called up until he was nudged harshly by John, who gestured his head to a box. He didn't even realise they bought in a box.

He stood up and got in the box. There was even a chair in the box. He sat down and waited for whatever this was to begin. He probably should've focused. Adam the other man walked closer to the box and spoke to Arthur loudly. "So, Arthur how long have you been king of Camelot?"

"Urhm eight years, I think."

"Eight years? That's quite a long reign. How many people have you killed?"

"Emrys relevance." John uttered out forcing the words out of his mouth.

Emrys shrugged his shoulders, "Stick to the point Adam. That is a trial from another day."

Adam ground out loudly to Arthur, "Fine. Why did you fight the guards?"

Arthur turned to face Merlin and answered, "Because Merlin kept us waiting for too long." As soon as he said the name 'Merlin' he saw Merlin's jaw clench and his eyes widen in anger. Everything froze. The people. The two meek men, supposing to keep the trial fair. Everyone waited to see what Merlin was going to do. But Merlin did nothing and all he did was nod to Adam.

So, Adam wiped the sweat away from his brow and continued, "So because a man kept you waiting. That's just not any man this a man you wanted help from. You decided you wanted bust down the door and threaten him with a sword?"

"I… I didn't threaten him with a sword."

"So why did you have your sword out? Do swords have a different meaning in Camelot?"

"Right now, this thing isn't the biggest thing happening right now. Morgana has taken over Camelot. Camelot can not be under a power-crazy witch. Or else it would be destroyed."

John stood up from his seat and starting shouting at Arthur, "Camelot aren't our allies; we are not compelled to help the people who slaughter-!"

"John restrain yourself." Emrys turned to the man, who was supposed to be supporting him.

"How?! You brought me the man who hunts us, and you want me to defend him?"

"I know it is difficult, but you have to try."

"Why are we doing this? We all know he's guilty as fuck. Even his own wife knows, this shithead is guilty as fuck."

"So, what I abandon the idea of a trial and just execute him? How about I cut this part out and just executed every person who commits a crime? Would you want me to do that?"

"No. but-."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Just don't ask me to defend him. This shithead and his family killed mine and Adam's entire family and now I have to make sure he gets the fairness that our family deserved."

"I understand John-."

"If you truly understand than you will declare his and his knights' punishment is execution by the pyre."

"Tell me John if this was your family or any of your family would you have wanted a fair trial to say your piece?"

"Yes-."

"Then John don't ask me to rob someone else of that." Merlin stood up and faced the quiet crowd, "We are better than them! Because we showed mercy! We gave them a chance and they spat it in our faces! This trial will continue until all ends are exhausted!"

* * *

The trial lasted another hour before, all the witnesses, all the knights, all the guards had spoken. Emrys stood up and stared at the heart of the crowd, "We will take a break, and I will announce the punishment."

Merlin walked out of the court and went through a door. Guinevere quickly followed him and started to talk to him, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not letting the mob win." Emrys laughs.

"Oh no the mob is going to win in the end I can't stop that. I'm just letting those people inside that room hear The Great King Arthur squeal!"

"You shouldn't do this to him he's been through a lot. He's lost his kingdom."

"If he can't handle the pressure than he shouldn't be a king."

"You can't say that! Arthur is a good king!"

"He's a good king, eh?" Emrys snorted, "if you can't hold on to you kingdom and seem to lose to a half-crazy witch at every turn, you're not really a good king, are you?"

"Morgana maybe crazy but she is intelligent."

"No, she isn't. Well I mean compared to Arthur; she is. But even then, a chicken can beat Arthur at chess."

"Merlin if you really hate Arthur why did you put that shield spell on Camelot?" Emrys thought back what on earth was she talking about he hadn't put any shield spell on Camelot.

"A shield spell? What- oh _that_ spell!" Emrys burst out laughing.

"What is so funny?"

"Well it wasn't a shield spell. It was a confining spell."

"What do you mean?"

"It stops people from leaving. It was the ultimate siege spell."

"Why would you want to besiege Camelot?"

"In case Arthur ever came after Drakonia. We would activate the spell. Thereby stopping everyone from leaving. We wouldn't have to physically be there, and we would just starve you out. When activated it makes Camelot a dead zone."

"Meaning?"

"You can't teleport in or out, that was just in case Morgana ever attacked us when she became Queen. We also put spells on the storage room so it would teleport your supplies into somewhere outside of Drakonia."

"So, you had a plan to take over Camelot?"

"No."

"You've just explained a plan to conquer Camelot. If that isn't a plan for conquering, then what is it?"

"It was a plan to destroy Camelot. We asked other rulers if they wanted Camelot. Rodor, Lot, Godwyn, Annis, even fucking Odin. They all said no. So, we agreed if Camelot sought one of us out in its insanity, we would burn it to the fucking ground. And forget about it."

"That was your plan?"

"Camelot is a unsavable because of its king. When you rule its either you win or die, there is no in-between. Arthur has made his choice and he will die."

"You will kill him?!"

"No, I will not kill him. As I think there is someone else who wants to kill him more than me."

"Who?"

"The half-crazy witch Morgana."

"Merlin what have you done?"

"Nothing yet. But should all go well, only eight people will have to be sacrificed to secure peace. Then I can worry about the men coming from the north and south, without worrying about Arthur fucking everything up."

"Eight people am I to assume that is the knights, me and Arthur?" Emrys smirked.

"You would be correct."

"Why?"

"Why, what? Why would I do that? Well other than all the political reasons, I do happen to have quite a lot of personal reasons."

"Merlin, I am sorry! I am sorry I didn't do anything to help you. I am sorry I… I assumed the worst of you. I am sorry." Emrys just stared at Guinevere.

"What am I supposed to do with a sorry? Is that supposed to fix everything? Is that supposed to fix all the shit I went through to protect everyone in Camelot. The same people who fucking turned on me. Is that supposed to fix the days I wake up in the fucking hole again. And I remember what I had done to deserve this. I don't have time to forgive. I don't have time to hear people apologise. All I have time for is forgetting or punishing. And Arthur will be punished."

"You are talking about time like you are running out of it, are… are you dying?"

Emrys stared at her and lied at point blank, "No. I am not dying. I just have had enough will all your self-serving bullshit. And I have bigger problems than a fucking man-child with the world's most fragile ego."

"Merlin, I know when you are lying, you are really dying, aren't you?" Merlin forced a good fake laugh.

"Then maybe you don't know me so well Guinevere."

"You keep calling me Guinevere, not Gwen, why?"

"Because you are not Gwen anymore." Gwen was a sweet and loyal friend. But now, you are just a cold-hearted Queen using an old ghost's face."

"What makes you say that?"

"The only reason you are talking to me is because you want something. You want me to ease the blame off your shoulders. You want me to forgive you. But right now, that isn't important to you, the thing you want the most is for me to save Camelot."

"I-!"

"Do you want to know why I won't save Camelot? Because it doesn't make sense why would I bleed for kingdom that would burn me. Why would I force men to fight in a war to return power to a tyrant? It makes no sense." Merlin began to walk away before he turned back "I don't forgive you Guinevere." Guinevere stood shell-shocked, "Now if you excuse me, I would like peace and quiet." Merlin turned around and carried on walking.

* * *

Emrys stood in silence forcing his body to relax. Things were getting out of hand now. People were demanding Arthur's death. And he would be lying if he said he wasn't tempted to grant the people their wish.

But if he wanted to secure Camelot's alliance, he would need Arthur alive to trade over to Morgana.

Even then Morgana probably wouldn't be inclined to listen to his proposal. But getting Arthur to her would be in the step in the right direction. If he was being honest, he didn't want Morgana as queen of Camelot. It complicated things. She was brash and emotional. Not exactly what people wanted or expected in a ruler. But just because he didn't want Morgana in charge. That didn't mean he wanted Arthur in charge.

Ruling Drakonia often felt like ruling England in its entirety. If the rulers had disputes, they would come to him for the solution. He was tired... too tired and he was running out of time.

If that wasn't bad enough, he felt a huge intake of wind. He turned around to see a blond woman with one blue eye and one green eye. It was Elaine. Elaine is high priestess. A true high priestess. She was one of the few that had a true connection to the bitch upstairs. If that wasn't bad enough, she was Morgause's sister, "Morning Elaine."

"It's the afternoon, Merlin." she drawled out.

"What do you want?"

"There is a chance to fix destiny-."

"Of course, destiny."

"Merlin she is willing to forgive you for your transgressions-."

"If I what? Give up my throne and kingdom and give it to Arthur?! Or do I have to go on my hands and knees and swear fealty to Arthur?!" Elaine had the decency to look ashamed, Emrys scoffed, "You have got to be shitting me. Does she not realise that if I do any of these things Drakonia will rebel and kill her precious 'Once and future king'?"

"Merlin just do as she says or-!"

"Or what? What more could she do?"

"You have a kingdom in your grasp, you have friends, you have a mother. The question is not more could she take. The question is what should she take?" Emrys stood up and faced her.

"Are you threatening me?" Emrys whispered dangerously, "Because if you are be sure you can carry through with it. Because if you take your shot and miss. I'll burn you to the ground. I'll destroy you and no one. Not even the bitch upstairs can save you." She didn't back down and she stood her ground.

"Merlin don't make this a war. People will die. Innocents."

"It won't be on my conscience. When you've courted war as much as I have, I accepted that innocents will always die. All we can do is minimise those casualties as much as possible."

"Ah yes your war with those who oppose magic. The men you killed will all be in Avalon." Elaine said viciously. Emrys smiled gently.

"Thank you."

"WHAT?!" His smile broadened.

"I said thank you."

"Why?"

"One man's heaven is another man's hell. Avalon is a place of magic. Those men who I killed, hate and fear magic more than they love life. You've just put them in their worst hell." Emrys bowed his head, "Thank you for prolonging their punishment beyond the grave." She rolled her eyes and vanished before his eyes.

He sighed. He had to get back to the trial.

* * *

Arthur was directed back to his seat, at table next to John. Despite not understanding the court system, he knew he had really done badly. Guinevere walked back in the room looking pale and the verge of crying. He felt his blood boil, if Merlin had done anything to Guinevere, he would kill him.

Despite the fact they had entered the room, facing the angry crowd everything had quieted down. It was pitch quiet. Not even his knights were talking amongst each other. He turned his gaze to Merlin's throne where a Gwaine and a recognisable man stood. He tried to remember the man, but his mind couldn't put name to the face.

Before he knew it, Merlin walked back in the room looking angrier than before he left. He sat down and scratched his jaw. The silent excitement of the crowd behind him was remarkably palpable. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand as soon as Merlin stood up and looked at the crowd, "I have heard all the evidence. I have heard all witnesses. And I have decided. The reason provided was not sufficient. Arthur Pendragon and his collaborators are found guilty and they will be punished-." The crowd started clapping and cheering. Merlin just sat down and waited for them to stop, when they finally stopped, Merlin stood back up, "As I said Arthur Pendragon and his collaborators will be punished. They will each receive twenty lashings." Arthur immediately felt his mouth run dry. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. "The lashings will take place after lunch. This court is disbanded." The people stood up and walked out of the room leaving the knights and the former king in stupor.

_WHAT THE HEll IS GOING ON?!_


	19. Chapter 19

**_2 Years Ago_ **

Merlin sat at the table eating. Like nothing was going on. Like he hadn’t spent the last five minutes threatening a king who had decided to execute a huge number of sorcerers.

He had this thing where he could just switch off his emotions reaching his face. It was extremely disconcerting. And Mordred hated it when he did it. He had hanged around Merlin enough to know that he had most likely calculated the next fifty moves. And most likely predicted his opponents move.

Sometimes Merlin moves to fast that no one can even catch up and even react. He still remembers when Merlin made a plan that a king would fail just due to what he does. He had once asked how he did it. He said that humans were creatures of habit. He had engineered scenarios similar to the problems the king had faced but changed it so that his first action would be punished. Merlin was brutal, efficient, and intelligent there were no illusions between them.

He often felt sorry for people who crossed Merlin. People who crossed Merlin lived short lives. Because Merlin most likely had a plan on how to get them with no trouble.

He was quickly snapped out of his thoughts when he realised Merlin was talking to him, “…Do you understand?”

“What?” Merlin looked at him harder, “Sorry I wasn’t listening?”, he rolled his eyes at him.

“I need you to infiltrate Morgana’s camp.”

“What?!”

“I need you to infiltrate Morgana’s-.”

“I know what you said!” Mordred’s eyes were wide in surprise, “I want to know why?!”

“I need her to know me. I need her to think I am a ruthless, king. I need her to know that my word is legitimate and true.”

“Why not send an emissary then?”

“Because I don’t need an emissary. I need someone more… intelligent. Someone who she thinks is loyal to her.”

“But… but I am not?”

“No but you owe her.” Merlin says with a grin, “In her mind she saved your life, all those years ago. Make it known that you are indebted to her. That you are willing to do anything to help her even if it means betraying me. Even if that means telling her my secrets. She asks, you tell her but try not to reveal too much. You want her to think you indispensable, unreplaceable. Every move she thinks or even considers making, I want her to consult you.”

“Merlin I’m not... that person who you need me to be for this mission.” Merlin nodded his head agreement.

“Mordred you are exactly the person I need. That’s what makes you good. You are normal. You drink. You like going to the tavern with soldiers. Thereby eliminating you as someone the soldiers and commanders will hate. You are see-through and that is your best aspect.”

“Cheers Merlin. Anything else?”

“Yes, subtlety is important. Morgana loves subtlety she’s lived in the darkness for years, so she’s used to it.”

“Thanks, I promise I won’t fail you.” Merlin’s hard expression softened.

“Mordred if you think it’s getting too far… bail. Don’t draw attention any more than you need to. If someone corners you and tries to fight don’t hold back. It doesn’t matter who it is. Because in Morgana’s eyes fighting is strength. And she’ll hold you to a higher esteem if you win. Whenever you are in her camp. You have to be relaxed. You have to control your emotions no matter what you see or hear. Even if she’s pulling limps off, you have to show no emotion. Being impassive and emotionless is the key to living in the world of betrayal.”

“When do I go?” Mordred’s voice was scratchy and emotionful. Merlin blinked rapidly.

“Next week. Don’t worry you have time to learn and pick up skills.”

* * *

**_PRESENT DAY_ **

Emrys was sitting at the table by himself forcing himself to eat. He wasn’t hungry but he knew he had to eat. He hadn’t ate since yesterday and even then, it was just breakfast. And to make matters worse he had sent Mordred to Morgana and to tell her about the his idea of the peace treaty.

He knew Mordred hated going to Morgana, but he had no other effective spy that would be able to get the content and reliable information. Mordred had rose to one of the highest ranks in her army, in two years. He was popular and sociable amongst the men. Monsters more like. The men which had joined Morgana are brutal and the type of men you would see in a dark alley. They weren’t smart or intelligent. They did what they were told and that was that. They were good soldiers.

He didn’t know why they followed Morgana though. Yes, Morgana was powerful, but she was also still a woman, an unmarried one in her increasing age. Men only follow women into war in revenge or in memory of their husbands, and that was only in rare cases. Annis, who was one of the better rulers Emrys had to work with, barely was followed into battle. She was a remarkable woman but in the society that they inhabited dictated that men are more powerful then woman. That’s is just how the world works and Emrys could only change so much.

But the more he thought about it the more right it seemed. The only reason he was so well versed in fighting in the dark was because he had learnt; manipulation, blackmail, and the rest of the ‘dark’ arts from women. Women were more dangerous then men. Men could kill with no illusion. Yes, people fear death. But women? Women could bring hell to earth.

He finished his meal and stood up and looked at the clock tower, half an hour. He took a deep breath and sighed. Too many things where going on at once and he had no control of anything. The bitch upstairs, Morgana and Arthur and that’s the new problems. Nothing to do with thieves raiding Amata’s resources. Or them not being able to find a suitable replacement for that incongruous bastard, Alined.

He heard two knocks on the door and turned to see a Joseph, a guard, enter, “Sir.”

Emrys nodded, “What is it Joseph?”

“Two prisoners are asking for an audience with you.”

“Which are?”

“I believe they are called Leon and uh Percival.” Emrys sighed.

“Alright bring them here. Tell them they have fifteen minutes.” The guard nodded and left. Emrys walked to his desk and pulled out nine pieces of paper, a signet ring, and a stick of wax.

* * *

The guard walked to the cell, “Emrys has accepted your proposal for an audience. He would like me to tell you that you have fifteen minutes.” Leon stared at the man then nodded.

“Thank you.” The guard shrugged his shoulders and opened the gates, with his magic.

“Only you and the big man, mate.”

“I understand.” Leon nodded once more as he and Percival made their way out of the cell. As soon as they made one step out of the cell the door slammed shut. Leon turned to face the younger knights who had frightened looks on their faces. He felt sorry for them. They didn’t deserve this. All they were doing was following the orders of their sovereign, no one should be punished for that. Leon’s resolve hardened. He and Percival agreed that they would do anything to get the young knights out of Arthur’s mess, even if it were at cost to themselves.

They followed the guard through the labyrinth of the castle. Before eventually stopping by a door. The guard turned to face them, his face serious and grim. “Emrys is a king and he will be addressed as such. Are we clear?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. I don’t want a repeat of that trial.” The guard opened the door for them and gestured them in.

They walked in to see Emrys sitting at a table, with a stamp, reading with glasses.

“Emrys?” he looked up at him and removed his glasses.

“You asked for my audience. What is your request?”

“You assume we want something?”

“Most people who come to see me want something, Leon.” Emrys said tiredly. It was only until Leon further inspected the man that he realised something. He was tired. Tired in a way no amount of sleep could cure. He had heard it happening to many veteran soldiers. Leon was so absorbed into trying to identify all the differences in Merlin and Emrys, he didn’t realise that he hadn’t replied.

“Glasses, Emrys?” Leon asked trying to shift the tone of this audience. But Emrys didn’t smile in fact it was the opposite the tone dampened.

“Consider it a parting gift from Arthur.”

“How?”

“When I climbed out of that hole, the Sun burned my sight.”

“YOU’RE BLIND?!” Emrys building the greatest kingdom was shocking but doing it blind. It would lead Leon questioning everything which is possible in this world. But before he could voice his thoughts, he heard Emrys chuckle.

“No… well I was. Luckily, I found druids who managed to patch my sight up enough so I would just need to wear glasses when reading. Sometimes, my eyesight is better… sometimes,” the man shrugged, “it isn’t.”

“I… I am sorry.” Emrys scoffed.

“So, everyone says. I’ll tell you the same thing I told Guinevere. What am I supposed to do with a sorry?” Emrys looked at Leon waiting for an answer, but just as Leon was about to open his mouth, Emrys cut in, “Maybe I can fix everything that is fucked up about me with your apologies and regrets.” He smiled gently. “You aren’t here to talk about me. So, say what you want and fuck off.”

“We…” Leon cleared his throat, “We want you to absolve the younger knights.” Emrys picked up his glasses and put it on before he started re-arranging the pieces of papers.

“Sir Bedivere and Kay?”

“Yes.”

“According to my records, they threatened to kill a man of the crown’s household for no observable reason?”

“What? No, they didn’t.”

“Are you saying Gilli was lying?” Leon’s eyes widened and groaned.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes. Even if… if I forgave them for not rushing and beating my guards up. I cannot forgive their threats to my friends… to my men. Understood?”

“Emrys please they are children.”

“Your KING gave these children titles. Your KING forced them to fight on the front lines. Thereby I will judge them as adults. Your appeal has been refused!” Leon nodded slowly, understandingly. He had one last card to play.

“We will take their punishment in their stead.”

“I am sorry?”

“I said, we will take their punishment in their stead.” Leon repeated himself looking at the floor.

“I can’t allow you to do that.” Emrys said gently.

“WHY NOT?!”

“Because they made a mistake, each one of you, made a mistake. You came here. It doesn’t matter about what you did. Your biggest mistake was coming here.”

“Then let us rectify that mistake. Let us leave and allow us to find aid elsewhere.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s too late. You came here and became Drakonian citizens.”

“No, we aren’t! We are Camelotians.”

“Not anymore.” A fire flashed into Emrys’s hand. Leon instinctively rose his arm to protect himself. but after a few moments he risked a look to see Emrys just heating wax and stamping each piece of paper once. Before passing it across the table to Leon.

Leon lowered his arm and read the piece of paper, his eyes widening, “You can’t do this.”

“Yes. Yes, I can. Your Queen gave verbal consent and you qualify.”

“‘QUALIFY’?!”

“You are people fleeing from war. You are people under threat seeking asylum in Drakonia. Thereby you and your group qualifies to become a fully-fledged citizens of Drakonia.”

“Well we don’t want to be your citizens.”

“Unfortunately, you don’t have a choice. As the king, I can restrict you’re freedom of movement through England. So, you aren’t exactly going to be moving around as freely as you have been.”

“You can’t do this!” Emrys stood up and walked and faced a window overlooking the kingdom.

“I want you to know this Leon. What you two did was very noble and if I could remove the punishment of your shoulders I would. But I know you would rather be punished amongst them than look down and see them being punished. You are noble men.” Emrys turned to face them, his expression looking extremely genuine, “I could have used men like you. But alas we stand on different sides. And for what it is worth I am sorry for that.” Leon gritted his teeth. But he forced his head to nod and accept it.

“Thank you for the audience, Emrys.” Leon bowed and turned to leave. After a few steps he realised that Percival wasn’t following him. Leon gestured with his head, but the giant of a man stayed put.

“You know Lancelot told me about you. He said you were brave. He said you were the greatest man he had ever known. Back then I believed him. I believed you were everything he said you were. Because I saw it with my eyes. But now I look at you and I see a fraction of the man you were.” Percival spat angrily. 

Emrys nodded and surprisingly enough agreed, “I am a fraction of the person I was. But I only became the person I am because I was in that hole. Because I was fighting a battles in the darkness.”

“Then why didn’t you stop?”

“Because if I did. If I stopped Camelot would have fallen all those years ago. Back then I still had my humanity and I couldn’t bare thought of people dying. But after that dissolved away in a couple years. I just did it because I didn’t think I had a choice. It became natural as was like breathing. But nobody saw anything. Nobody even realised how close Camelot came to damnation, but I continued. Even after I broke bone after bone. Rib after rib. Or how I bled to save a kingdom that wo - _DID-_ burn me. Nobody asked. Nobody cared except me. So, when your party asks me to forgive them for their misdeeds. FOR THEIR MISTAKES! I’ll let you know that we are looking further down the road then that fucking hole. So, don’t come to me with your pleas. Don’t come to me using the memory of my friend, which you have all spat on. And you want my help?” Percival looked down on the floor ashamed, “Yeah that’s what I thought.”

“I am sorry Emrys. I am truly sorry. But the reason I bring up Lancelot now is because he knew you had magic didn’t, he?” Leon looked up shocked.

“Yes, he had found out. A few years before his demise. How did you know that?”

“Before he died, he gave me a letter. He told me to read it should he ever die. I thought it was… I don’t actually know what I thought it was. But I accepted it. After he died, I couldn’t look at it. It was the last thing I had of my brother I had made in this world. So, I locked it away. And then he came back then he killed himself. But in my last night in Camelot. I couldn’t bare to be without it, so I took it, and read it. There were two letters. One addressed to me… and one addressed to Merlin.”

“He wrote to me that you will always and forever be the protector of Camelot. And that my job would be to support you in the worst and best of times.”

“Well at least we know you did a good job.” Emrys muttered harshly.

“I am sorry Emrys. That I failed you. That I failed Lancelot. I… I want to make it right.” Emrys looked at Percival sighed.

“I can’t help you Percival. You made a mistake when you joined the knights of Camelot. You have blood on your hands. I would forgive you, both of you, but it’s out of my hands.”

“I know. You answer to your people and you can’t ignore them. All I am begging you is that you don’t punish the younger knights as much.” Emrys rubbed his chin and nodded.

“I have an idea, but the younger knights will be humiliated though.”

Percival bowed in gratitude, “Thank you.” Percival turned and walked away.

“I want that letter, Percival.” Percival froze and fished out a sealed letter in his pocket. He handed it to Emrys.

“You haven’t opened it?”

“It wasn’t addressed to me.” Emrys nodded once more. And his eyes zeroed on the letter. Percival and Leon walked out relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to release this chapter on my birthday. So, I worked overtime XD! And I managed it.


	20. Chapter 20

Emrys felt the letter in his hands. It felt heavy. Maybe it was guilt. He considered burning the letter just to avoid more heartache. But he had ran away from the past for too long. He was tired. And if Lancelot wanted to tell him something from beyond the grave then who was he to deny him.

He went over to his chair and picked up his glasses and put them on. He put the letter on to the table and clenched his fists. He took a deep, calming breath, before opening the letter. Inside there was a piece of paper. He could make out Lance's handwriting and his breath got caught in his throat. He dropped the letter on to the table felt his body shake and he started to cry. He missed Lancelot. The one man ever to accept him without resentment or anger. The one man who understood the weight of magic and Camelot. The one man who supported him despite of the huge gale force in opposition.

He wiped away the tears. And read.

* * *

_Hello Merlin,_

_If you are reading this, that means I have succeeded, and I have prevented you from sacrificing your life. I would say I am sorry but... I couldn't allow you to sacrifice your life when I could sacrifice mine._

_I've always tried to do right by you. I've always tried to help you save Camelot. But I am at the end of the road. Camelot needs you more… more than it needs me. But I know how broken you will feel. I know how much this will hurt you. You will be alone. There will be no one with you except of Gaius. And Gaius… Gaius is a good man. But he is more of a father, than a friend._

_I know that you will always put Camelot first. You'll always put Arthur above yourself. But I want you to try putting yourself first. You are a man first. You are a human being, Merlin. Despite what all these druids and the dragon says. You need people you can trust. People who will always support you. People who will stand by you no matter how difficult or how hard it gets._

_Which is why I am going to entrust Percival with your secret. He wasn't as subjected to Camelot's harsh beliefs as the rest were. He will help you and stand by you as I have done. As **OTHER** people should have done._

_I don't know whole lot about destinies or magic. But I can tell that what you are doing is very noble. I once told you that you were the best of us, and I wasn't lying. Your life is full of sacrifice and I have a feeling it will continue to be. I am sorry that I can't help by being there for you. I also am sorry that this will feel like you are sacrificing me. But I'll tell you the honest truth I made this decision. I am the one who decided this is what will happen._

_Further to the honest truth, I am scared. I don't know how you live this life. Maybe you are already accustomed to living life when every day could be your last. Maybe that makes that easier… maybe it doesn't. I wouldn't know._

_I am sorry, for everything. For every bad day. For every terrible misdeed that people without magic did to people with magic. I am sorry that you live in a world where your way of life is threatened continually. If I could change it, I would in a heartbeat, but I don't have the power to do it._

_I admire you Merlin. More than you could possibly imagine. The will to get up every day and continuing to fight for the right without question or pause. It has humbled me, more times then you could possibly imagine._

_I hope that one day you'll get the reward you deserve. I hope you can find time for yourself and build yourself in to a happier person. Hey who knows maybe you'll get married._

_I'm sorry again for not being there with you. But I wish you the very best. I wish you every single happiness because you deserve it._

_Your Friend, forever and always_

_Lancelot._

* * *

Emrys sucked a breath and cried softly. A torrent of emotions flew past him. He missed his friend. He missed his brother. He missed the only man to accept him with no anger and mistrust.

He didn't know how long he spent on the table crying. But he heard the bell chime. And he knew what that meant. It was time. He wiped away the tears. And stood up. He took a calming breath and opened the doors.

* * *

Leon and Percival was filling in the details with Arthur and rest of the knights about the purpose of their audience with Emrys, when the guard opened up their door, Regarded each nobleman before him with a stare and said, "It is time."

Leon turned to face Arthur, who looked like he was going to pick a fight with the guard, but before he could launch an attack Gwen came out behind of the guard instantly calming Arthur down. Leon thanked god.

The guards marched them outside. They put them in the centre square. The men stood waiting for Emrys. Waiting for their punishment.

The crowds began to gather. Jeering them, throwing rotten food at them. Yet Emrys still didn't come.

Was this the humiliation?

Before he could voice his thoughts, it stopped. Everything stopped. The crowd quietened. The crowd stopped pelting rotten food. Emrys had come.

* * *

Emrys walked into quiet square and regarded every single knight. He paused and went to a solider who would be doing the whipping. "Let's make it fun Jonathan. Embarrass them." He said as he handed him a pouch in coins.

"How?"

"The first two to strip down naked get five lashes instead of twenty." Emrys said with a gentle smile. The solider laughed and cracked his knuckles. Emrys turned around and started walking back to centre of the square when he heard the solider calling him back.

"Thank you for this, Sire." Emrys turned around and put his hand on the soldier's shoulder.

"I should be thanking you. You are doing a grand service to the crown." The crowd erupted in cheers. And Emrys stepped away and faded into the shadows. It didn't interest him to look at people getting whipped. There were more productive things he could do in his time. So, he walked back into the castle as soon as he heard a crackle of the whip, followed by a scream of pain.

* * *

Morgana pursed her lips in thought, as Mordred finished his story. "Emrys is fairly brutal, is he not?"

"I wouldn't cross him lightly, Morgana. He is a thinker. He doesn't go into anything underhanded." She nodded and rubbed her jaw in thought. She turned to face Mordred and asked him a question.

"Does he know you are here?"

"Yes." The single word answer sent her straight to her feet and she jutted her hand out threateningly. To which Mordred turned pale.

"WHAT?!"

"He sent me here. To tell you that he is open to alliance talks."

"So, all this ti-!" Mordred looked shocked and paled even more considerably.

"He sent me this one time."

"So, he doesn't know that I have your alliance?"

"No. I told you before, he doesn't know." She sat back down relaxed. She took a deep breath and asked a question that had been bouncing around her head for a long time.

"Why you then?"

"Emrys has three important men. Advisors/friends or whatever. He sends them out whenever he needs anything done in secrecy or privately. I'm one of them as you know. Some of the stuff he made me... do." Mordred clenched his jaw, "Is main the reason I think someone has to temper or stop him" Morgana nodded. She knew some of the stuff Mordred had to do. She understood, but where did Merlin come in this? What was his place?

"What about Merlin?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Merlin does he work for Emrys?"

"Uhm Morgana what?"

"One of my soldiers have been executed because they didn't prevent a brown-haired man with eight men and a black girl from walking to the other side of the border sound familiar?"

"Urhm Morgana Emrys didn't send Merlin to pick Arthur up. He sent Gilli."

"Gilli? WHO IS GILLI?!"

"A brown-haired man. He… he once fought in a Camelot tournament before withdrawing from facing King Uther." Morgana thought back a decade before finding the memory. She hadn't given it much thought at the time, but she could recollect the size of the man. He was tall and skinny like Merlin. But he was surprisingly strong and able to surpass men bigger and stronger then him.

"Yes, I remember. That man beat one my best soldiers. Seems like he hasn't lost that trait over the years."

"If anything, your majesty, it has been advanced."

"So, it seems. What about Merlin does he suspect you?"

"Your majesty, Merlin doesn't have a voice in court."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't exist anymore."

"I'm sorry. How does a man stop existing?"

"I don't know but Merlin isn't Merlin anymore. Something inside him has changed. I suspect its due to his imprisonment."

"I see." She waved him away, "Go quickly before Emrys suspects anything."

"But milady, Emrys wants an answer about the alliance talks."

"Tell him I agree to have a meeting. But it must happen in Camelot."

"Yes Milady." And with that he bowed and left.

Why was Emrys acting strangely? Didn't he swear to protect Arthur? If he had changed his tune, she could find a powerful ally. Despite being an enigma, Emrys word carried merit and was to be believed. That was always a point of emphasis from Mordred when she questioned Emrys's word. She would just have to be careful and keep an eye open.

* * *

He sat doing tax work for unknown amount time. King Leonard's man had come and gone and he was on his back to Amata. He had offered to teleport him back to Amata, but George blanched and politely refused. But every so often his eyes drifted to Lancelot's letter. He wanted to read it again. In case there was something he ignored or forgot to read. But he forced himself to stay on task.

He tried to stay focussed, but he was too restless. When was Mordred coming back? He needed the Morgana report now more than ever, so he could decide which route to take.

He stood up and walked to a balcony facing his kingdom. It was getting dark soon. He should get some sleep.

Saying Arthur's back ached would be an understatement. If he knew lashings would hurt as much as it did, he wouldn't have ever used it.

The younger knights had their egos bashed and slammed and broken. He had felt the same and he felt sorry for them. They didn't deserve this. He was the one who failed Camelot not them.

Guinevere had gone to get materials to clean and stitch up the wounds.

He had yet to exchange a word of conversation with the sorcerer who was supposed to be his. He felt angry. Angry at Gaius. Angry at Guinevere, Leon, and Percival. For persuading him to come here. But most of all he felt angry at himself. HE was the one who got them here. HE was the one who had gotten beaten by Morgana. It was up to him to right this wrong. He would fight. He will get back his kingdom. He will beat Morgana with or without Merlin.

He gritted his teeth through the pain, straightened his back and stood to his feet shakingly. He took step after step, until he reached the gate. He clasped he bars and cleared his throat getting the guards attention, "WHERE. IS. MY. WIFE?" Arthur said enunciating each word, as if it were his first words.

The guards turned to look each other and then laughed, "Looks like Pendragon hasn't been punished enough! He still barking orders like he owns the world!" The other man tutted.

"You're right Alistair. Maybe we have to teach Pendragon a lesson?"

"You read my mind." The men cracked their knuckles and opened the door. Arthur took a few steps backwards before landing on his back further injuring his back.

The men stepped into a cell before a man stepped out of the darkness, but his expression was barely legible. It was the unknown man who stood next Merlin during the trial, "I wouldn't do that Alistair if I were you."

"Oh, come on Mordred. Just turn the other way, just this once. It's Pendragon."

"I know but we need him alive and somewhat functioning."

"We won't hurt him too bad."

"Sorry emotions fly off the handle. We can't take that risk. Take a night off, both of you." Mordred says.

"You think a night off pays for what this bastard did to my family."

"No, nowhere near enough. But I assure, beating him up right now, it won't solve anything."

"You're protecting him?!" The guard accused. The man stepped out of the darkness and suddenly his expressions became legible. His face was emotionless, but his eyes spoke a hundred words. The man was barely maintaining his composure. He look angry. But not at the guard or Arthur… he looked angry at himself.

"No. I'm not protecting him. I just want to be alive enough, to realise that we will take everything from him." The guard froze and nodded.

"Emrys has a plan?"

"Yes, and we should feel sorry for him. You know the expression, don't you Alistair?" The guard blanched and nodded stiffly.

"May the gods have mercy on those who cross Emrys." The guard recited. The man, Mordred, nodded.

"Good. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir." Mordred nodded and handed him a pouch of coins.

"Take a night off." The guard bowed.

"Yes sir. Let's go get a drink Alfie." The other guard sighed and spat on the floor in anger but followed Alistair.

The guards walked away but the man stayed his eyes focused on Arthur, as if he were waiting for Arthur to do something. "Are you alright?"

"I want an audience with Merlin."

"Unfortunately, that is impossible at this current time."

"Leon and Percival managed to set up an audience."

"That is because _Emrys_ managed to find time in his busy schedule to fit Leon and Percival in. If you have any queries," Mordred's mouth came down to a grim smile, "Please hesitate before asking me."

"What are you going to about the guards?"

"I'm sorry?"

"How are you going to punish your guards that were going to attack me?"

"They didn't attack you though." The man walked to the gate and shut Arthur into his cell.

"But they were going to." Mordred looked at him for a moment before laughing, "What's funny?!"

"Do you think people care? That a piece of shit like yourself, nearly got beaten up? No one would. All they would care about is how those guards didn't beat you up."

"We are guests."

"No, you are asylum seekers, you get less… privileges. You are nobodies and all that matters is that you stay alive slightly longer."

"Have I wronged you boy?"

"You have wronged many people, Pendragon. And your bad deeds go past me. You have wronged other people much more than you have for me."

"I know you, don't I? Where have I seen you before?"

"Yes, you have. I am that druid, you, Emrys, The Lady Morgana and the queen saved."

"You have magic?"

"Yes, I have had it since the day I was born." It was Arthur's turn to smile. Being born with magic was impossible, everyone could use magic, everyone could access the dark arts. It was a choice and all sorcerers who presumed or thought otherwise were delusional. "Something funny Pendragon?"

"All sorcerers are as delusional as my father told me."

"Your father was a broken man. He couldn't bear his own guilt, so he turned to hatred. He hated something he couldn't fully understand. He hated something what seemed reasonable, but instead of hating an individual, he hated every part of a way of life. It's polluting you. It's polluting your men, your wife, your friends… and your people." Arthur's anger increased every word this man spoke. He clenched his fists until his nails nearly drew blood.

"Who are you to judge me!?"

"A man. Just a man. You are not a king. You are just a man." Mordred laughed, "You wanna know what's funny? I almost feel sorry for you. Because what happens to you now, is on your own conscience. You brought us here. You made this situation." The man turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I would like to thank all you guys who wished me a happy birthday it was very appreciated. 
> 
> As for this story, the cogs are just moving, as to where they are going that's harder to predict


	21. Chapter 21

He teleported outside of Camelot. And began walking to the gates. The guards in front of him unsheathed their swords. "NAME AND PAPERS!"

"My name is Merlin. I am here to make sure that Emrys's room is acceptable for his stay." He grinned at the guard.

The guard exhaled sharply and turned to his colleague, "Get the Queen!" Emrys stood there waiting for Morgana. The guard turned to him, "Do I know you?"

"I used to live here, a long time ago. Almost a lifetime."

"Who are you loyal to?"

Emrys stood in front of him and briefly considered the man before him. He knew the question. He was asking him who he was siding with. Arthur or Morgana? His smile returned to his face before answering the question, "I am loyal to Drakonia and Emrys." The guard opened his mouth, to speak but was cut off by the gates opening and Morgana coming out.

"Hello Merlin. Long-time no see."

He nodded his head in a small bow to the evident surprise of the new ruler, "It's good to see you Morgana."

"Is it?" Emrys smirks.

"Only you can decide that."

She nodded slowly before rubbing some imaginary dust off her dress in a dramatic fashion before pausing and looking at him in the eyes, "What's stopping me from killing you?" Emrys felt his smirk leave his face before a gentle smile took its place.

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing is stopping you Morgana. You can kill me, you can damn straight to hell. But it won't help you. If anything, Emrys will be more pissed off his servant is dead." he looked down to see her clench her fists.

"Why are you here?"

"I am here to make sure everything is up to standard Morgana nothing more, nothing less. The quicker everything is up to standard the quicker I get the hell away from Camelot."

* * *

_**12 hours ago** _

Mordred walked to, Merlin's chambers. Morgana's threat was ever increasing. It could spill into another war, so quickly, so fast. Camelot was the last piece. The last piece of completing England. If they completed it, they stood a chance. They stood a chance against the Saxons. Against the Vikings. Against everyone.

He knocked on the door and entered. Merlin was sitting on the table working. He was always working.

A voice snapped him out of daze of working, "Merlin." He looked up and realised that Mordred was back.

"Mordred it's good to see you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. You?"

"Busy."

"The guards nearly assaulted, Arthur." Emrys looked up to Mordred in surprise.

"'Nearly?"

"I stopped them." He scoffed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Hmm. How is Morgana?"

"Still as crazy as usual. She still thinks that you and Merlin are different people."

"We are different."

"As in she thinks, you have different bodies and faces."

"Hmm. I can use that."

"W..what?!"

* * *

She stood over the guest room watching Merlin, he was up to something she was sure of it. Why else would he be here for? Maybe he was here to kill her? Maybe he was pretending again. But he did nothing. All he did was clean the room with his hand and set the tables and chairs in a different places.

"Why you?"

"I don't know. You don't ask Emrys why he does things. You just do what he asks of you and don't ask why. I'm no one of importance Morgana." he sounded broken, the opposite of what he was. Opposite of everything he stood for. She felt a surge of pity go through her before she pushed it back down.

This man poisoned her. This man took everything from her. There was no way in hell she would ever consider pitying him or even go so far as to forgive him.

"Do you regret poisoning me Merlin?" The man stood stock still. He froze and turned to face her. His face betrayed nothing but a cold exterior. The was a tense moment of silence. It was… strange. She felt afraid of what Merlin would say. What Merlin would do. In the not so far distant future, she knew it would confuse her. But she didn't dwell on these thoughts she asked a question she wanted the answer. This was the only time she would get a straight answer from him. The only time she could trust his word.

The tense moment ended when Merlin opened his mouth and asked a question, "Do you hate me for poisoning you?"

She nodded and answered with all her spite, "Yes."

He nodded in turn and looked around the room as if he were looking for a way out, "I sent you on this path. When I poisoned you… I killed you." Merlin abruptly broke off his voice scratchy and full of emotion, but he never broke eye contact. He cleared his throat and continued, "And other person rose from the ashes. If you hate me Morgana, what does that say about you?" she recoiled in shock as his words sunk in, "I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. I will always be sorry. That I wasn't there for you. I could have helped you and I recognise that. I was a coward. AND I ACCEPT THAT!" The man exclaimed. Then he made eye contact with her. His eyes were full of emotion. Sorrowful and apologetic. But at the same time, his eyes felt probing. Like they were searching for something that wasn't there. Then he took his steps closer towards her. And she couldn't help herself but cower. He stood a breath away and asked- no whispered- a simple question, "Do you regret who you have become?" She stood there frozen unable to answer as her breath got caught in her throat. He gently smiled as his eyes glistened with tears, "Because I do."

Once she managed to retain her composure, she forced a laugh and said "Maybe that is because you are weak… and I am strong. Because I am proud of who I have become. I am no longer that naïve ward and I am glad for that."

"So why aren't you thanking me?"

"WHAT?!"

"I sent you down this path, Morgana. I am the one who forced you to think that you had no other choice." She clenched her fists next her sides. Merlin looked down and saw it and he smiled. Not his normal smile she noticed. It was more of a _I've just poked a sleeping bear too much_. "Or maybe I am over thinking this?" She just continued to glare at him as he turned around and continued to work. There was a brief tense moment before it died down.

"Tell me, what is Emrys like?"

"The type of man you give him anything he wants no questions asked."

"Is that a warning?" Merlin turned to face her once more and there was something, she never thought she would see. Fear. Pure. Unadulterated. Fear.

"Morgana just give him what he wants."

"What?"

"I said give Emrys what he want."

"Why?"

"Why?! Why?" The man said in an exasperated angry voice, "Because Emrys isn't like any other sort of king. He is brutal. And he will burn Camelot to the ground if you don't do as he asks." A flame of indignation flew through her. _Who was he to tell her what to do?!_

"Is that a threat, Merlin?"

"No, that is not a threat. That is a fact. I've seen him do it. I've seen him burn kingdoms to the ground for stepping one toe out of line. He's not like you or Arthur, or me for that matter. He doesn't have lines he won't cross. He doesn't have that self-restraint."

"So, he is a tyrant?"

"Yes. He is a tyrant. But he is a tyrant with the people's unconditional love and support."

"So, he is like Uther."

"That would be a… inept comparison."

"Why is that?"

"Because Emrys is actually intelligent. He can be a right bastard. But let me tell you something. This bastard he thinks. He is smarter than you, me and Arthur combined. And you are playing a game, Morgana. A deadly game. A game of life and death. Of ruling and politics. And if there is someone! Or anyone who you wouldn't want to play against that is, Emrys." She swallowed a lump in her throat. And managed to beat the quiver out of her voice.

"Why are you telling me this? Why are you warning me? We aren't friends Merlin. We aren't even allies."

"I will always try and save lives, Morgana. I told you all those years ago that I hated war and wanted no part of it. But this won't be a war Morgana. Because war means there is a chance you could win. This would be damnation for you and Camelot. Men, women, and children will die. Do you want to fail in your revolution when you are so close in completing it?"

* * *

She walked him to the gates of Camelot, in a strange companiable silence. "Will you be here for the negotiating of the alliance?"

"Is that your way of saying you want me to come back?" The man responded in a crooked grin.

"So, I can avoid you." She responded in the like. If she was being honest that was the closest, she had ever gotten to see him resemble the man she once knew. In a way it was painful to look at. It had led her to reconsider whether or not she had made the right choice leaving him to face Arthur's wraith. Before deciding it wasn't worth pondering.

"No. I don't think I ever want to come back here, Morgana. One thing Emrys is good at is honouring his word so you won't have to see me again."

"Why don't you want to come back?"

"Look at this place Morgana. Look at what I did. I kept tyrant in charge. Allowing him to hurt and kill as he pleased. I also helped a man who wou-!" He took a deep breath and looked on the ground, "I helped a man for nearly a decade. And in the end, I got burnt. I saved people who had committed grievous sins and hadn't gotten the punishment they deserve." Her brow furrowed in confusion.

"So, I am the people's punishment?" The man scoffed.

"No, you are the people's shot of redemption. You are the only chance Camelot has on living past this year. But you could also be the people's damnation if you aren't too careful." The man concluded darkly.

* * *

Emrys was decidedly… unpredictable. He had opted to stay quiet during Uther's slaughtering. He had opted to stay quiet when Arthur began his slaughter. Only acting to protect Arthur. But now? For once in his life, he was now fully playing the game.

But what scared her more was Merlin. Merlin never feared her. Merlin never feared anyone in his life. He was a man who fought for what, in his belief, was right and if he hadn't poisoned her, he could've been a great ally in her fight. But those years in the hole had really done a number on him. She prided herself on being able to read people better than they could read themselves. It was a useful trick Morgause had taught her. She could pick at people's vulnerabilities and their flaws. It's what got her the army she needed. But Merlin… back all those years ago, he was impossible to read. It was impossible to see what drove him to the extents he went. The extents he went for Arthur. Even when she figured out his secret. Even when she found out he had magic. It just added to the mystery. But now she saw him. The true unadulterated version of him. In his twisted way he was still trying to be the hero. Still trying to save lives. But that wasn't what drove him. Not truly and not now. Or at least not the full explanation.

The answer was easy. The answer made her want to laugh. The answer was pitiful. The answer, putting it simply, was that he was trying to find his way back to that boy who came from Ealdor. But she knew the truth, there was no going back for him, just like there was no way for going back for her. She could never go back to being the naïve ward she was. There was no power on earth, or the worlds beyond it, that could make them unsee the things they saw, undo the things they have done. It was sad. Merlin's tale would end with him being alone. He would be forgotten in history, like every person before him. He would in obscurity never to be seen after his death.

It was… a shame. She would have liked to read his story. She would have liked to have known what possessed him to protect Arthur and Uther. But that was the way the world worked. People, like Merlin, sacrificed to make people like Arthur, Emrys and herself.

Although a lot of old feelings and nostalgia came flooding back, she understood one thing. Merlin was not lying. Despite Arthur never listening to Merlin, for whatever reason, Merlin always came true. No matter ridiculous it seemed. It seemed like he hadn't managed to shut that prying part of him. But it served in her favour as opposed to their past. She wouldn't make the mistake Arthur made. Merlin and Mordred had warned her of the threat Emrys posed. She won't go into these negotiations like Arthur does, pissing everyone off. She would give and treat Emrys with respect he deserved. She feared him before all of this, she knew the prophecy. He was her doom. She knew prophecies weren't set in stone but… everyone considered prophecy legitimate and so would she. She has to maintain her composure. Or else Emrys would rein hell on her, with the gods and destiny by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N For those who don't know what Emrys is doing/done. He is trying to ramp up the fear that Morgana has for him. It's why he uses 'Merlin'. For those wondering why Morgana hasn't figured out that Merlin and Emrys are the same person is that, I think that Morgana, in my opinion, is more crazy than smart. She comes up with crazy schemes and more often then not they don't work, Yeah becuase Merlin is stopping them. But like there are times when she has KofTRT(Knights of the round table) and she doesn't just off them (Yeah, ik in season five they ramp it up a bit). Like it gets to the point that revenge seems more appealing to her than rulling.


	22. Chapter 22

So, the cover had been maintained. She truly believed Merlin and Emrys were separate people. In all honesty, he didn’t think she was that far gone. Although it just proved his theory though, the fact that she was more insane than she was intelligent, he couldn’t prevent himself from feeling a wave of grief. He had destroyed this woman. He killed Morgana of the past. She was a good person. Deep down, she could be that person again if the stars aligned correctly. But the chances was so low he didn’t even ponder it. He felt the sadness begin to chip away at him. But life goes on, and people, more so people in charge, had to make sure they stayed in top of it rather than being swallowed in it and being pulled down to a pit of despair. If she refused his requests, he would have to kill her. There was no disputing that fact. He had killed rulers for trying to wheedle their way out of a treaty. He knew the moment he compromised at being the most powerful in an agreement, that would be a sign of the end. And if you compromise once, you will compromise again and again. Until you have nothing left.

As to Mordred’s estimates on the people living there, Mordred was correct. There were still three thousand civilians living in Camelot. He felt no obligation towards them as it wasn’t his job to look after them. He wasn’t their ruler. Morgana was. They however had decided not to riot, seeing the larger numbers in the force Morgana had. If Andrew’s maths were correct, which it always was, there would be nine thousand soldiers in the citadel. Six thousand soldiers had died in Morgana’s campaign which wasn’t bad all things considered. Although if he were fighting against Arthur… he could break the entire kingdom without costing a single life or even using magic. But all to their own ways.

He walked back to his chamber and turned to the man standing guard, “Bring me Mordred I need a word with him.” The man nodded in ascent and walked away from the door. Merlin walked into his room and got changed into his more royal clothes.

* * *

Mordred was guarding Arthur’s cell when he was called to Merlin’s room. So, he was back. He made his way to Merlin’s room and knocked onto the doors and entered the room. When he got in Merlin was putting on his shoes, “You called Merlin?” Merlin looked up and gave a brief smile and nod.

“Yeah, we need to head to Camelot, Morgana is waiting for us.” Had it not reached to him yet? Just how risky it was to go to Morgana on her terms?

“You know it could be an ambush there at any moment.”

Merlin’s smile broadened. It looked almost akin to pride in his eyes, “Yeah, I know it’s crossed my mind. She fears me.”

“Merlin please take this seriously.” He felt himself grow restless. Merlin took too many unnecessary risks and for slight advantages.

Merlin’s eyes and tone turned solemn and serious, “I am.”

“Okay then what is the plan?” Merlin raised his eyebrow at Mordred.

“What makes you think I have a plan?”

“You always have a plan Merlin.”

“Do I?! Am I becoming too predictable?” Merlin said as he let a small chuckle escape him.

“Merlin be serious. I need to know, please.” Merlin looked at him and his facial expressions visibly softened.

“Alright, I’ll tell you. I need as many sorcerers as possible who can teleport at a moment’s notice.” Mordred paused and looked at him in surprise.

“Why?”

“In case things get hairy. We’ll need a quick and simple way out.” Merlin explained simply and with confidence, “Now tell me how many people do we have that can do that?”

“Ninety-six sorcerers can do that. I presume you don’t want all of them?” Merlin waved it away as if it were smoke it front of his eyes.

“No less. Something explainable. Twenty should do. Enough to be presumed a threat. But not large enough to be considered a big threat.”

This all led to one conclusion. One conclusion only, “You expect Morgana to refuse your wishes?” Merlin paused and before standing up and walking away to stare out of the window down to heart of the kingdom.

“Fear makes us do a lot of irrational things. Let us hope Morgana isn’t being governed her fear.” Merlin murmured out.

That wasn’t… reassuring. Merlin never relied on hopes or wishes. He only ever relied on certainties. He felt a thought enter his mind which he wanted to banish but couldn’t. The more he thought about the more it made sense. He gritted his teeth and decided to voice his thought, “Merlin do you want to help Arthur?” Merlin slowly turned towards him; Mordred felt a hint of danger as Merlin approached him. Powerful magic invaded his senses. He felt a slither of fear run down his spine.

“What?” Merlin uttered a single word.

Mordred fought to keep the fear out of his face. Merlin never showed anger when Mordred voiced something he disagreed with. But this was Arthur this was something more personal… and far more dangerous. Mordred managed to keep the tremor out of his voice and managed to get his thought out, “All of these, complications. You could kill Arthur and be done with it. But no, you’re dragging this out. Why?” Merlin’s face conveyed no emotion. He was doing to the detached thing. Mordred swallowed a lump in his throat but managed to restrain himself from talking more. It was better to say your point then to keep yourself from talking rubbish. A trick he inadvertently learned from Merlin.

Merlin nodded slowly and simply said, “Because I don’t care. If Morgana accepts. And she will there will be less work trying to form a peace treaty.”

“If she doesn’t?”

“Morgana isn’t stupid Mordred. She’s crazy, yes. Fearful, yes. But she’s not that stupid.”

“Merlin I’ve seen her; I’ve worked with her.”

“I know.”

“So, let me tell you this. Morgana moves by two things. Fear and cruelty. You are not giving her enough credit.”

“Am I not? I say I am giving her enough credit. The point all of you have failed to consider. I beat her. Multiple times. Each and every time she fought me, no matter what was by her side. She lost. To me a fucking servant.”

“You weren’t just a servant Merlin! You are Emrys. The most powerful sorcerer to walk the earth!”

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter how powerful you are. If you have restraint. You will lose. You know this Mordred. You’ve seen kings fall, when they could have won if they did what they had to do!”

“Okay. Do the considering. What happens if she does become stupid? If she, like a dangerous animal backed up in a corner, lashes out? What happens then? What will you do? Because I know you have already thought about it.” Merlin clenches his jaw. The air became more saturated with magic… it was almost intoxicating.

“We assume control of Camelot.”

“And what about Arthur?” Merlin didn’t answer. “Merlin what will happen to Arthur?”

“I don’t know I haven’t thought about it.” Merlin lied… badly. Strange. That rarely happened but Mordred pushed that thought aside.

“You are lying. Tell me!” Merlin sighed and the magic started to retrack and the air became clearer.

“Mordred there are bigger things at play here.”

“That wasn’t what I asked!

“I am giving you the full answer Mordred to your question! So, shut up and listen because I am not saying it again.” Merlin walked up to his table and sat in the chair, to which Mordred followed suit, “If Arthur is executed, things will happen quickly. The bitch upstairs will come after me. She will send Elaine and the rest of the true believers-”

“What’s this got do with anything?!” Mordred interjected.

“It’s got everything to do with this! Because should I send Arthur to his death, I will have to run. I will run away. Leading them away from here. In doing so, I will have turn away from the family I have built here.” Merlin sighed and rubbed his face, “Along the way I’ve planted things. Some of the things will your stomach crawl. It will help you and the people reject me. In this, one will stand as the calm in the storm. You will be the calm. You will uphold this place I have built. The alliances I have formed, with the rest of the England.”

“Why would anyone listen to me?”

“Because one of the things that will come out will do so. The people will elect you as the ruler. Annis and I have planned this for years. Once it begins, Annis will tell Rodor, Leonard, Odin, Godwin and Lot’s ‘advisors’ everything. And they will accept you as my replacement. And in the meantime, I will lead the bitch away from here.”

“What about the promise of living in Nermeth, with Esme?!”

“This is the third choice Mordred. You have three choices.”

“No, I don’t. These aren’t choices Merlin. I have no choice but to pick this one, don’t I?”

“No Mordred you have a choice. You always have a choice.”

“Do I? Then tell me what will happen if I refuse?”

“The kingdom of Drakonia will dissolve and parts will be divided out amongst our neighbours. Instead of me being in charge of threats against England as a whole, duties will be divided up amongst the rulers.”

“Where does this leave me?”

“You have three choices. Go to Nermeth, marry Esme, find a different job other than the one offered. That’s option one. Option two is a lot similar to option one, but you take the court sorcerer job. Option three is you take my position and my duties. You become my replacement.”

“How long did you think about this? When did do all of this?”

“It’s been two years. I knew one day I would be the one to send Arthur marching to his grave. I knew that she would be pissed, but I couldn’t let that stop me. I had to continue. I had to make sure that no would go through what we went through. My legacy will be besmirched and blackened, yours will remain pure. All the glory that I have brought to our people, will be your glory. I will be a traitor. I will be cast out. Because that is how history will remember me.”

“How did you hide this?”

“Annis allowed me to use her men. To make all this possible. The men died protecting their kingdom, a year ago. There will be no loose ends. And people will come forward.”

“I still don’t get how this will make us reject you?”

“Only the most grievous and horrendous sins can make your family reject you.”

“Why? All of this to kill one man?!”

“Because Arthur is protected by destiny and time. To kill him, with little to no repercussions I will have to do this.”

“And there is no other way?”

“No.”

“If this is how it will be played out then, I will accept the third option.

“Thank yo-.”

“But should this plan change or deviate in the slightest way, I will not be king of Drakonia. Understood Merlin?!” Merlin nodded slowly.

“Thank you, Mordred. You have set my heart at ease.”

“Trust me Merlin I didn’t do it for you!” Mordred exploded at him, “What were you thinking! All of this and for two years you told no one! What about Mithian does she know?!”

“She will believe the truth that is given to the people.”

“And what truth is that?”

“The truth is that I have become the monster.”

* * *

Mordred looked at him shocked. It was understandable. If he were in Mordred’s in shoes, he would be shocked. “Now, enough of this morbid talk go get the men. Tell them not to eat or drink anything offered to them.” Mordred clenched his jaw and nodded and walked towards the door and turned to say something before deciding otherwise.

Emrys walked to the chest and pulled out an antiaging potion. And slipped it in his pocket. Better be safe than sorry. He cracked his knuckles and limbered up his limbs it would be best to be relaxed for this. Aging his body wasn’t practically difficult or hard. It wasn’t much of drain on his magic but after a while his aged-up body would catch with him and it would hurt to move around. Some may say he understood the pain of the elderly!

He grabbed a basin and poured in the powder in and started chanting, “Miht dagan, beþecce me. Adeadaþ þisne gast min freondum ond min feondum” And in a flash he felt his form changing and moulding into an older feel. His knees felt more wobbly and weaker. It was usual. He hadn’t used this spell in a long time. He hadn’t needed to use this deception. He went over and picked up a staff. And began walking outside. If his men outside his door were surprised, they didn’t show it. Mordred must have warned them. He would have rather saw their shock. It would have been funny.

He slowly wobbled his way to the balcony where his men stood on the ground. Mordred was stood against a wall in the corner, looking a lot more comfortable. He would have to give a speech. He inwardly groaned before taking a deep breath, he murmured a quick spell to make his voice louder so that everyone could hear him, “We will be heading to Camelot. And extending the branch of friendship and hopefully a chance of a treaty with the new Queen. Each and everyone of you will be representing what we stand for. For that reason, I want you to refuse any offer for ale.” The men groaned beneath him, “I know. But I want it known that it is for your own safety. The Queen is not known for her rationality therefore, I need you to watch out for yourself and your brothers. Should you sense any dangers I would like you to escape as quickly as possible using your powers. That is why I asked each of you here, due to your proficiency in teleporting. Am I understood?” The men stood there in silence before, they cried out their affirmative and agreement with his rules, “Good. We leave in thirty. Bring all that is required.” Taking that as a dismissal the men walked off to their homes.

He decided it was better if he just stood there and waited for his men. It was rare for him to get a moment by myself, so he decided to make the most of it. It lasted for about twenty minutes or was it twenty-five minutes when he heard a recognisable angry voice. “MERLIN AMBROSIUS! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!” he quickly turned around to see his mother. Red-faced and angry. Mordred had told her. A result he had ultimately hadn’t predicted. He thought Mordred would go for Mithian. Not his mother!

“Ah mother how lovely it is to see you. Are you well?

“DON’T MOTHER ME! HAVE YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON A ROCK? BECAUSE YOU WOULD HAVE TO BEEN TO COME UP WITH AN IDEA THAT YOU’VE JUST CAME UP WITH!”

“Mother, I didn’t just come up with it right now it’s been two yea-!”, he trailed off when he saw his mother’s eyes widen. Guess Mordred didn’t tell her that bit.

“TWO YEARS?! AND ALL THIS TIME YOU’VE BEEN-!”

“Mother it’s hard. Okay nothing is simple in my life…”

“Do you think everyone has a simple life Merlin? Or that you are the only one with a difficult life?!”

“No, I don’t think that. But I, unlike others, have to think about the consequences of my actions. About what happens after I kill Arthur.” Merlin concluded.

“You don’t have to kill him Merlin.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to kill him. You can be the better man. You can forgive.”

“Mother what do you think I did all the time I had been in Camelot. All I did was forgive. All I did was be the better man. Even now, I am still the better man. Arthur has food and water given periodically. He has access to sunlight. He is with his friends. Even in his lowest he has more than I had when I was at my lowest.”

“Merlin please I am begging you don’t do this. Fighting a goddess! You can’t hope to win. You know what she did to…” She cleared her throat as the tears streamed down her face., “I don’t want it happening to you.” Merlin nodded sadly and held her close. He wanted to promise it wouldn’t happen to him… but he truly didn’t know whether or not he would be destroyed. So, he opted to hold her tighter in his arms.

He forced his arms to let go when the men started pooling back into the courtyard seemingly ready to face Morgana. He held her at arm’s length and wiped away her tears. It was only then he realised he wasn’t in his true form. He was still wearing Dragoon’s face. He gave her a reassuring smile and said, “I have to go. We will continue this talk after I get back.” He promised.

He turned to face the men. When his mother sent a clipping remark at him, “I wonder whether or not we will have the time to talk.” He turned back to face her, but she had already left. He sighed and rubbed his. Who knows what his mother would do? She might overrule him and let go of the prisoners. He would have to get his trusted men, who remained here, to make sure that his mother didn’t let go of Arthur.

What does he have to do to make people fucking listen to him?!

* * *

Morgana stood on the battlements. Waiting for the man who was thought to inevitably be her doom. She forced herself to be calm. And treat the man with respect. It would be hard, but she would have to do that.

She would have to force herself not to lash out at the old man. So, she stood waiting. When suddenly, more than a dozen men appeared. They were walking at a leisurely pace to accommodate the man leading them. The man leading them was instantly recognisable. His long white hair and his long beard which came down to his naval. That man was Emrys. The cause of all her fears. Her body froze. Her breath was caught in her throat. It wasn’t until one of her men, asked her if they wanted to let the men outside the gates in, did she snap out. And only then it was a sharp, jerky nod.

The gates opened, and her doom walked in.

She forced her body to move in order to greet the men waiting downstairs. When she reached the men waiting, none of the men gawked. She was wearing a more provocative dress than usual, and her hair was done to perfection. To her dismay, there was nothing. She hoped for any advantage possible. A crack in their seemingly impenetrable defence. They all stood their emotionlessly. Whereas Emrys, just looked bored. Like he would rather be anywhere else but here.

“King Emrys it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Oh, Queen Morgana” his voice croaked out, his grey-blue eyes contained an element of mirth in them, “We have met before, though haven’t we?” She looked to his left where Mordred stood. He also looked confused. So, no aid there then.

“Yes, we have, though maybe this time we will leave unscathed with no bruises.” The man opposite her raised an eyebrow. And her insides turned to ice, before Emrys laughed, a carefree laugh, a joyful laugh which contained no deceptions. She let out a sigh of relief and forced a smile to her face, “Now, if we may?” the man nodded, and he hobbled along aside her. Where they engaged in small talk, about the weather and all normal sort of things. It was almost like he seemed to forget their shared history. But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t.


	23. Chapter 23

Despite his impassive façade, he was simmering underneath. He was going to have words with Mordred after this. But yet he allowed his face to draw to contention, there was a feast in his honour. In hour in, Morgana had begun pestering him for information, about Merlin. Whether or not Merlin was married or not. Whether he was happy or not. He had taken to avoiding those questions. Despite her evident fear, she found solace in asking about a man who was dead. Morgana did seem to notice that he didn't answer her questions. But decided not to push. She also noticed that he had abstained from food and drink as did his men. She didn't attempt to hide her surprise, "Is the food not to your liking, Emrys?" he gave her a small smile.

"No, it is not that your highness. We have a ritual. We abstain from food in the first days of treaty making. As a show of faith in the triple goddess."

"I didn't know we worship the same goddess?"

"My men do. Its better they believe in something, then not believe in anything."

"What about Merlin?"

"What about him?"

"Who does he believe in?"

"No one. The man has burned so many times. He's broken, your highness. All there is for him now is the past. And a past is not enough to make a man. Let me ask you a question your highness. Why do you care?"

"I don't."

"Do you not? Then why ask? Why spend an extended period of time pestering me for information about a man you do not care about?"

"I… I believe it is curiosity." Emrys chuckled.

"Do you know what I believe? I believe you still care." Morgana opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand, "And that is good if you can care for one person maybe there is hope for the rest of us."

"I don't care for him." Morgana ground out, "And I 'pestered' you because you have refused to answer my questions."

"That's because that won't be fair for Merlin."

"How about we do a deal… a separate deal. You give me an answer to a question, and you can ask a question in return? Does that sound fair?" He looked at her, weighing up her words.

"Not matter how personal?" Morgana clenched her fist. A tic she had developed. He could ask her about that. Then she unclenched her fist and nodded.

"Go then ask your question." Morgana sat there in silence. Then said this.

"These are opened ended questions. You have to say your answer followed by a reason." Emrys nodded his head in agreement, "Good. Why did Merlin poison me? I now know it wasn't because he hated me or my magic. So why?"

"Merlin poisoned you because he had no other choice. Morgause made a play. That she thought no one could match. No one in their right mind would match it. But Merlin, he did. He matched her play and beat her."

"And what was Morgause's play?"

"You. She made you the vessel of the spell that put everyone to sleep." Morgana looked at him. She was trying to cover up you emotions. Only her eyes betrayed her at this point.

"You're lying!"

"Why would I lie? What do I have to gain Morgana by lying? You asked for the truth… I gave it. You can accept it or reject it." Emrys stood up, "Now I must take my leave." and he walked to his chambers.

* * *

The gall of the man to accuse her sister of betraying her confidence and trust. Even worse accusing her of caring for that wretched man who took everything away from her. But that was Emrys. He was exactly like Mordred described him as. Deadly, serious, and calm. Nothing betrayed him, not his eyes nor his face. Nothing. She couldn't separate truth or lie. Seemingly neither could Mordred. She didn't know what laid between his cold calm eyes. But she knew whatever lied there must be dangerous.

She had no idea what he wanted, or what he came for. All Mordred knew was that Emrys was here for a treaty. But she didn't trust that. Emrys was a man meticulously planned his actions. He was a man that trusted nobody, not even his closest friends or allies. So, she had to make an attempt. To try and have a crack at him. Seducing him was out of the question. Whenever he was in her presence all she saw was cold indifference and even to some extents boredom. No matter what conversation route she took, nothing interested him, she couldn't engage him in anything beyond what he said about Merlin and her sister. She needed to know what was inside his mind. And that's what compelled her to go to his room at this hour.

She went to her men and told them to wait for her instructions to attack Emrys' men. She had to have a backup in case Emrys attacked her or reacted badly.

She knocked on the door and entered. And right there she saw Emrys. Sat in the chair facing the window into the city. There was no one there it was just her and him. A brief thought of the idea that she could kill him and get out before anyone knew what had happened. But she quickly dismissed it. She quickly walked so that she stood next to the seated man.

"You know Morgana, entering a man's chambers at this hour is bound to get people chatting." The man said with a grin.

"Trust me you are not my type." The old man chuckled softly. Before a serious mask overcame his face.

"I'm sorry if I upset you. It wasn't my intention to do so."

"It has already been forgotten." She patted his hand softy. The old man smiled gently.

"Good I am glad." Emrys looked around and magicked a chair next to her, "Please sit I am in your home after all." She decided to sit down next to the old man, they sat there in silence before he spoke with a glimmer in his eyes, "A long time ago," The man chuckled, "Almost a lifetime ago now, I lived here. In Camelot. The beauty has long been forgotten and ignored. Like an unpolished jewel. Maybe you can bring the shine back to Camelot. Maybe not. I do not know what destiny and life has written out for us. But I can guess that you came here with questions did you not?" Morgana sat there shocked.

"Y…yes I did."

"And what were they?"

"What do you want? Why are you here? Why offer your assistance after and not during the invasion?"

"I want a treaty between us. Why I am here? This kingdom is the only place in Albion I haven't made a treaty with. As to why I offer my assistance now, Taking over a kingdom is easy. Holding on to it, now that's where the intricacies lie. You need food, water. Men who won't rape and pillage as they please. I can offer all of this without much difficulty and with little to no backlash."

"In return for?"

"First let me ask my question. After all we did make a separate deal." Morgana gritted her teeth and nodded, "Please bear in mind I don't mean any offence, but it makes me curious. How did you get your men? And why do they obey you?"

"Why wouldn't they obey me?"

"You are a woman, albeit a powerful one. Alas still a woman. I have no quarrel with that, but it makes me curious. After all, Annis, one of the greatest rulers I had the pleasure of working with, barely manages to keep her men in line. She only managed it by using one of her husband's bastard children." Morgana looked at he man sitting next to her. And considered whether or not it was better to answer his question. Before deciding it wasn't worth rejecting his question.

"Women have to be more ruthless. They can't afford compassion because they will be seen as weak. My men fear me, but not to the point of hatred." The man looked vaguely impressed, so she decided to tell him the entire story, "Three years ago, I found a kingdom with a weak ruler. He was indulgent and weak. And loved the taste of the flesh. He offered his army in return my hand in marriage."

"You accepted and killed him before the ceremony and blamed Arthur. Would that be correct?" She scoffed the man was really like Mordred and Merlin described him as. A bastard. But a bastard who thinks.

"Yes, yet it wasn't enough. I started rallying more men. I found plenty of former allies that Arthur had alienated. But something happened, the list started shrinking. The list of people willing to fight Arthur shrunk. Your kingdom began rising and men did something different. Instead of vowing revenge, they moved on and started a new life in your kingdom. I, myself, tried to find kingdom. To see if I could get what those men sought. Yet to no avail, I found not a whisper of your kingdom. So, I returned to fighting Arthur. We had more than ten thousand in our ranks. Knowing Arthur, he would be stupid, and, in that time, he had let his defences slip and crumble. He was the weakest he had ever been, and we weakened him once more and took over Camelot. Now I have answered your question, answer mine what do I have to give to get your support?

"You have to promise to never go beyond your borders. Never to impose your rule on those outside the lines that have been drawn since Arthur's downfall."

"What about those who have magic but have been forced into hiding. Do I leave them behind in my revolution? Do I not grant them the freedom that I have given to those with magic in Camelot?"

"If you are going to be giving freedom to those with magic outside of Camelot. Then maybe you should have spent more time listening to the news coming from the other kingdoms."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Morgana I told you that I made a treaty with every kingdom in Albion. What exactly do you think that entails?" the man looked at with his eyes daring for answer. But she gave him none, "Every kingdom, apart from Camelot,has accepted and enforces laws that I have made."

"And what laws would that be?" The man's hand turned into fire and a book appeared. The book had was beautifully crafted and had 'Emrys' laws' etched in gold. Before the words were substituted to a different words 'The laws of magic'. She looked at him quizzically.

"People's name sticks." He explained with a touch of exasperation in his voice. He handed her the book and she read.

But the more she read the more angry she got. This wasn't freedom. All this was, was a gilded cage. But she also couldn't deny she felt something else stirring within her. Jealousy. This man set out to achieve everything she dreamed and where she spent, more than eight years fighting for this he had achieved it in less than half that time. Before she even managed to form her thoughts into words, there was a touch disappointment in his eyes. It was barely visible, but she managed she saw it was almost like she had seen his eyes before. Somewhere else. She discarded that thought and focused on arranging her thoughts on the matter of the laws of magic. "What is this?!"

"The laws of which every kingdom has agreed upon. The foundations of every alliance I have built, Morgana."

"This a gilded cage not freedom."

"Magic is a tool. Albeit a dangerous one, so it has to be regulated. Which is what I have done."

"That's the world you strove for?! You could have created anything you wanted. YET YOU CREATED THIS?!"

"It was made to last. If I did what you wanted. We would see the freedom you wish for be the reason we would be in chains. I gave us the same level respect as an ordinary human."

"WE ARE NOT ORDINARY!"

"And that's why we have different laws. Laws which guide us, not imprison us into forcing us to choose between it and morality."

"We need something physical. Something that can't be altered."

"People can be altered though. Have you ever tried grasping a handful of sand? It slides out in between your fingers. That is the people. And you can't change that. One day you have their support the next… nothing."

Morgana was losing the plot. She felt something building within here. It seemed more and more likely that she would try and fight him. "And who are you to decide that? To decide what matters and what doesn't?!"

"I am King Emrys! I fought my entire life just for the freedom of practising magic. Magic for better or worse is dangerous. If you cannot recognise that then-!"

"Then what?!"

"Then you have to learn. Camelot is tinderbox waiting to explode. And that is something you cannot risk, Queen Morgana. Because what is a kingdom when there are no people in it!"

"You choose now to lecture me?! When you stood aside… sorry not stood aside protected Uther and Arthur. You let them kill as they pleased! You choose not to save-!"

"Save who?"

"Everyone. From my sister to the druids. To each and every person who fought for freedom! To Merlin a man caught up in your lies of a better future! You are not fit to be a ruler!"

"Yes, you are correct. I should've saved our people. But I can't change the past. All I can offer is better future. So that what happened to those people who felt the need to stand up and fight for their right to life, do not feel that need to do so again."

"That's it! You're not going to apologise, for any of the mistakes you've made?!"

"Apologies do nothing. All I can do is prevent the same thing from happening again."

"And what about Merlin? What about his life? What about his loss?!"

"Merlin will be fine. He will carry those scars for the rest of his life, he will have to make his peace with that if he hasn't done so already." Emrys stood up and hobbled to his desk. And grabbed his walking stick/staff.

"That's not good enough."

"Well it's all I can give."

"Well, I guess you will have to learn to give more!" She said as she sent powerful fire spell towards him. Emrys instantly turned to face her and blocked the spell. The sharp look of disappointment covered his face. But there was also something else. But she didn't let that stop her. She sent a message to her recently promoted head of the guard to attack the men Emrys had. And sent another spell at the man facing her. But all he did was defend.

"If I cannot kill you Emrys, then I will kill your men." Yet the man looked more disappointed. Not angry or sad. Just disappointment. Which served to fuel her anger and fury. She sent very power spell which only served to backfire at her. Her vision started to dim, and consciousness started to slip away from her. She only caught the phrase

"Such wasted potential."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have enjoyed christmas, and if I don't post anything until next year, a happy new year. 
> 
> Seeyou guys around


	24. Chapter 24

Emrys felt something build within him a kin to anger. As soon as he walked into his room, he transformed to his younger self. His breathing was heavy and harsh. He put a silencing spell in his room and screamed loudly. He picked up his table and slammed it to the ground. He turned to the wall and he slammed his fist in it. There was a flash of pain, but he didn’t let it stop him. He repeatedly slammed his fist in the wall until he could feel nothing. WHY WAS IT SO DIFFICULT JUST TO SAY YES?! He had offered everything. He had given her everything and still she didn’t want it. Nothing would sate her lust for blood and revenge. He offered her a way out. And still nothing. She wanted more. He slid down to the floor. He was tired. He was ever so tired. He looked down to his fist which just looked like fruit pulp at the moment and he wordlessly healed it. His hand now resembled a hand. But he would have to wrap it up, so it stayed in shape. He forced himself to his feet and walked over to a chest in the corner of the room. And pulled out a bandage and he wrapped it up.

He removed the spell and went to the door where he asked the guards to bring, Gwaine, Gilli and Mordred. He fixed the room as best he could in his emotional state. Luckily, he didn’t have to think of a plan. Because he had already planned for this eventuality it just pissed him off that he had to rely on it. He sat down in his chair. And waited.

* * *

When Mordred got the message, he was with Gwaine. Mordred was speaking about how the peace mission when from promising to a literal shitshow. They had more or less agreed that something had gone on between Morgana and ‘Emrys’. Whether or not Merlin had provoked it to start a war. Was the question unvoiced but thought of. It wasn’t that Merlin was hungry for war and violence it was just that, Merlin had provoked a few wars so that he could get the ruler he wanted in charge. And wars were rarely long when Merlin was involved. The longest one lasted was two weeks.

“What do you think he wants now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, come on Mordred you’ve always got some sort of idea of what Merls got going on?”

“Not this time. Normally there’s a pattern. Like a goal. But Merlin… he...” He turned to look at Gwaine’s curious expression, “I… It’s not that he isn’t thinking things through. It’s just that he’s thinking stuff too clearly for me to see. It’s like he’s seeing the big picture that no one knows about.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means he’s just got… too many plates in the air. It’s a matter of time before he drops one.”

“What are you even talking about? We haven’t fought in a war since Amata. And that was nearly six months ago.”

“Physically fighting is normally the beginning of the war Gwaine. There’s thousands of steps before war has ended.” Gwaine sighed.

“I know that but you have to admit that this is something else. This isn’t normal. This… hasn’t happened before not to Merlin. We have courted war and made peace countless times. And he hasn’t been like this. So, what is happening? Cause you know, I know you know.” Mordred rubbed his chin. He had told Hunith what Merlin planned what’s the harm in telling Gwaine?

“Merlin is trying to fall on his own sword to save us. He wants us to move away from Drakonia.”

“What? Why?!”

“She’s back. And she wants Merlin to do her bidding.”

“Elaine’s back?!”

“No… well yes. But think about who she represents.”

“The bitch?” Gwaine growled, “Will she ever leave Merlin alone?”

“I don’t know. But Merlin is… he’s trying to save us. He wants us to leave Drakonia.”

“Well, I am not leaving! I left Merlin behind once, and I swore to myself, that I would never leave him.” Mordred nodded slowly. He might as well warn Gwaine about his underhanded tricks to get them to leave.

“I have recently had an offer from Rodor, about the vacancy in Court sorcerer position.”

“What’s that got to do with Merlin?”

“Merlin was the one who came up with the idea. It’s not just that. He is walking faster now. As in he’s making harsher decisions. Ruthless judgments. He’s trying to reach… somewhere. A place marker or… I don’t know. The point is something is about to happen. The goddess is going to do something big. And Merlin…” Gwaine scoffed, “is trying his hardest to cover all his bases whilst, preparing to attack.”

“How is he going to attack a God?”

“I don’t know. As impossible and improbable as it seems there’s some part of me that believes Merlin could do it. That Merlin could win this one.”

“He gives that impression, doesn’t he? But he’s human, Mordred.” Gwaine pointed to his head, “In here…” Then he pointed at his chest, “and in here Merlin is human. And whatever he does it won’t change that.” By the time Gwaine finished speaking, they had almost reached the door.

“We’ll just have to wait and see.” 

Gilli was there leaning against the wall, surprisingly on time. Before Mordred could even open his mouth, Gwaine beat Mordred to it, “Do you know why we are all here?”

Gilli raised an eyebrow in amusement and said, “I was going to ask the same question.” Gwaine laughed.

“Only one way to find out.” They walked into see Merlin was sitting in his chair and he was tossing The Coin in the air before catching it. Mordred shared a grimace with Gilli and Gwaine. They all knew what it meant. War was happening. And Merlin was calling in everyone. It could only lead to one thing. Camelot was to made an example of.

“Gilli, Gwaine go to every kingdom and show them this.” Gwaine caught The Coin Merlin tossed at him, “They will understand what it means. Tell them to come to Drakonia. We must have an emergency meeting.” Merlin had yet meet his eyes. Ever since Merlin and his mother had a confrontation about his plan, he refused to even look at his direction, “Mordred go to Morgana. And tell her we are planning a siege.” Merlin looked down and put his glasses on his face before focusing on the work in front of him.

Mordred shared a look with the rest of the group before they silently agreeing to question Merlin’s decision, “Merlin?”

“Yes, what?”

“Are sure war is the right option?”

Merlin didn’t even look up. He was still focused on his work. As if Mordred had spoken nothing of consequence. He picked up a quill and wrote something down. Just when he thought he wouldn’t get an answer Merlin spoke softly, “Give an alternative that doesn’t compromise our powerful position. And I will take it.”

Mordred sighed. He looked at Gwaine and then Gwaine nodded and took his turn to speak, “Merlin… the people of Camelot have suffered enough. They don’t need this.”

Merlin relaxed back in his chair and twirled the quill whilst looking at Gwaine for a second considering his words. Before speaking once more, “Then we will make seem like it’s Arthur leading the rebellion. The people can stomach that.” _Was he that out of it that people would simply accept without Arthur being alive?_

“Arthur can’t lead a rebellion if he is dead!” Mordred spoke with an element of impatience. Merlin scoffed and stared directly into him. It was the first time he had looked at him and he felt uncomfortable in contrast to Merlin’s calm demeanour.

“Well Guinevere can lead one in his name; people and his soldiers won’t object to that. Annis is proof of that.”

“Merlin…” Mordred searched Merlin’s face, for anything. Any emotion that would show indecisiveness. But there was nothing. There was a flicker in his anger in his eyes. But nothing else.

“Everything will be fine Mordred. Do not worry about it.” He then looked down and saw Merlin’s hand and his eyes widened in shock, to which Merlin pulled it up and rested his elbow on the table and his face on his wrist. In an almost provoking manner.

“Merlin… your hand? Did Morgana do this to you?” Merlin went back to his work refraining from speaking. It meant the question he asked wasn’t going to get an answer. Regardless of what he said or shouted at him. Mordred nodded slowly and looked around the room. It was clean and put together almost hurriedly and angrily. Mordred swallowed deeply.

Gwaine decided that they weren’t getting anywhere so he took his leave, “We’ll see to it that it is done.”

“Good. Come back once you are done. I will tell you more about the plan after.” The men next to Mordred nodded and walked out, Mordred turned to follow them but was called back in the lion’s den, “Not you Mordred. You stay.” Mordred’s heartbeat quickened. And he turned around to face Merlin. Merlin exhaled, put his hands on to the book on the table and leaned forward, an aura of seriousness clouded the area, “Mordred about my mother...” Merlin’s eyes finally meet his and he felt a bead of sweat run down his cheek, “Well played.”

“Wh…what?!” Merlin nodded and removed his glasses and smiled at him, with something like pride.

“I said well-played. You did good. You are learning.”

“Learning what?”

“Just learning.” Merlin opened a drawer by the side of the table and pulled something out, “Now enough about old topics.” Merlin looked at him and put a letter and knife on the table. Mordred couldn’t stop himself from focusing on the knife. And his heart stopped. This wasn’t just any knife. It looked like… no that was impossible.

“Merlin please tell me that is not what I think it is.”

“If you are thinking it is the blade of destruction, you would be right… and wrong at the same time.” Merlin said the last bit as if it was an afterthought.

“How?”

“It is not the same blade. I made it myself.”

“Merlin… are you sure that this is best way to go forward? You know what is required to destroy the blade.”

“I know what is required, I haven’t forgotten. But I’m afraid I don’t have an alternative. For a large part of a war I face to end, Arthur’s soul will have to be destroyed. No way for destiny to be completed. This way Arthur will not benefit from anything.”

“Why are you telling me this? Where do I come in this?”

“You will be the one to kill Arthur’s soul.” No euphemisms. No illusions. He was being direct. He was saying exactly what he wanted.

Mordred swallowed a lump in his throat, “When do I do it?” Mordred wasn’t afraid of killing Arthur. He wasn’t even afraid of destroying another man’s soul. Arthur deserved this and more. He was guilty far more than words could utter. He just feared the fact that another blade of destruction had occupied the world.

“When the time comes you will knock Arthur out with a sleeping spell-”

“When will I know the time has come?”

“Soon. It will be very soon. Be prepared. The plan is, I will leave, and I will try to make a bargain. Should I not come back in ten minutes or not send a signal for time using a phrase that I have written down for you, you will kill Arthur.”

“And the war… with Morgana? What happens if you die? And where have you written the phrase?”

“I have written everything you need to know for this in this letter. This letter will tell you everything I have thought of. My strategies for this war, and what I want you to do.” Merlin handed him the blade and the letter he spoke of, “Count it as your final orders. Should I perish on my mission, you will assume command. This letter will win you the war with minimal casualties. Everything is and has been recorded here. Burn it once you have finished. After this you can do whatever you want. Split the kingdom, become Nermeth’s court sorcerer, your choice. Good?” Mordred nodded, “One last thing, should you need this advice or not do not surrender to Morgana. Got it? Off you go.”

* * *

Gwaine and Gilli were outside Nermeth’s court room, waiting for their audience. In all honesty politics bored Gwaine. They said politics would get better as one got older. Yet no matter how old he got, it seemed to get more boring. Despite it being boring, he did understand one thing about politics which was that it was incredibly dangerous game to play. It promised little reward for such a high risk. It was all about choosing what to say and what not to say. Sometimes playing the hero and sometimes playing the devil. He feared that one day politics would dominate the world. That you would have to inevitably play the unbeatable game that would ultimately result in everyone’s damnation.

He could also see Merlin hated it. Merlin probably hated politics more than he did. However, in Merlin’s hatred of politics, he had inadvertently made the game all the more harder and dangerous. Merlin in all but title was King of England. Bretwalda as many would say. Gwaine would probably would have feared Merlin in another life, because that much power for one man was too much. Merlin didn’t fear his power, but he also didn’t wave it around like a sword. He used the dark and the light to get what he wanted. All of this would added the fear factor, but the thing was, Merlin wasn’t the worst ruler out there. In fact, he was probably the best there was… and boy did Gwaine know terrible rulers.

Everyone had lived under terrible rulers. Men that had been made blind with less than one-tenth of Merlin’s power. Men who grew malleable. But Merlin didn’t. He was still the same. No matter how his power increased. He didn’t change. He cared not for coin or gold or women. He understood its value and what it meant to people and used it to his advantage but aside from that was it. Merlin was incredibly wily and intelligent. Merlin’s greatest strength, in his opinion, was knowing when to show forgiveness and mercy… and, more importantly, when not to.

Gwaine was thankful every day that Merlin decided to forgive and show mercy to him. Though whenever Gwaine thanked him, Merlin told him that it wasn’t ever in contention.

In a broken and far from perfect world, Merlin somehow had become a king of legends. It seemed ironic. Men born in nobility and royalty with the world and their upbringing by their side, were beaten by a bastard peasant in every department.

Gwaine felt the makings of grin touch his face. Next to him sat Gilli who was just staring at him looking more and more perplexed. “What?!” Gwaine chuckled.

“It’s nothing.” Gwaine whispered to him quietly. They had to be quiet after all they were representing Drakonia.

He heard Gilli mutter out something of a long the lines of “Whatever it is don’t drag me into it.” 

Gwaine sighed and asked “So, tell me how the kid and Linda is?”

“Now? We are nearly in Nermeth’s courtroom. And you want to ask about my family?”

“Well, I am uncle Gwaine I should worry about my niece. Shouldn’t I?”

“She’s fine, I think. I haven’t seen her that much.” Gwaine sighed and placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry you will see her again. You will hold in your arms again and the world will seem perfect somehow.” Gilli scoffed.

“Yeah sure. When I am off not rushing off fighting for Merlin.” Gwaine froze suddenly. He realised what Merlin was doing. Was it- Could it be that Merlin was trying to get the three of them to think about what kind of life they wanted? The underhanded strategy that Merlin was employing to get them the hell away from Drakonia. Gilli seemed to noticed the off look about Gwaine, “Gwaine what is it?” Gwaine turned to face Gili, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

“Sorry its nothing?” Gwaine scratched his beard, “About what you said, maybe you should reassess?”

“Reassess what?”

“Your life? And where you want it to take you? Look…” Gwaine shifted across so that he was somewhat facing the other man, “your wife needs you. And a kid can’t grow up without her father. I know that.”

“What are you saying?”

“Drakonia is a hot bed for politics and danger. You will always be running around if Merlin… continues like this.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“Maybe you can live somewhere else… somewhere calm like Nermeth or Amata?”

Gilli chuckled with a bittersweet look in his eyes, “Who would have thought that Amata would ever be an option for people like me?”

“The day Amata opened their hearts to sorcery was the day I thought Merlin were capable of anything.”

“Yeah, so did I.” They sat there in silence before Gilli turned to look at Gwaine, “I just don’t want to leave him, Gwaine. He has practically no one left.”

“He has his mother.”

“Gwaine… she’s getting older and… she won’t be around forever.”

“Neither will we… Look all I am saying is that you have to start think about what will make you happy. Merlin will never be happy. He’s had that part of him stolen from him. He’ll never get it back, and you know that.”

“So just because he can’t be happy means that we should we just leave him?” Gwaine sighed and swallowed deeply looks like it was the time for one more truth.

“Two years ago, he was talking about his destiny. Y’know the once and future king bullshit. It was one of those rare occurrences when he felt well… talkative about it. It was the time he had lot of offers for marriage. He had been ditching all the girls that had come to try and seduce him or something like that. But I remember one time there was this girl. I think it was one of earl of Mercia’s daughter, I think. I can’t remember exactly. I think you were in… Cornwall when this happened. She was okay if only a bit of prat… but still normal. Despite that she was persistent and resilient. Something about her family. I remember one time he managed to evade her and I saw him sitting on the hill watching the sunset. I walked up to him and told him that the girl threw a fit when she couldn’t find him. I asked him why he kept ditching her and he’s like…” Gwaine chuckled a bit at the memory, “‘A man and wife are supposed to complete each other. That girl will finish me’. There was something off about it. Something sad and broken. So, I decided to let it go. It was until a few days later he gathered up the courage to tell me his theory about his life.”

“What was his theory?”

“He once told me that he thought Destiny made him only for Camelot. No one else. And the more I think about it the more… it makes sense. Destiny seems to remove everyone that could distract Merlin. Freya died because Merlin was going to leave. She became the lady of the lake preventing Merlin doing anything stupid. Like doing the life and death thingy. But even then, then they managed to maintain their connection. Freya went to Avalon barring access for Merlin because she gave her support to Merlin.”

“Yeah, but Merlin will never be that person of that prophecy so what’s the point of this?”

“Because it’s still happening. He may have walked away from Camelot. But all this… what if opposed to him being just for Camelot? What if it’s England in its entirety?”

“Then why should we leave him? As long as England needs him, then he needs us.”

“England will always need Merlin. The Danes, the Saxons, and the Gaels. They will all come soon and they will tear England apart. And each kingdom is squabbling in between themselves, blissfully unaware of what is happening. And during all of this Arthur and Morgana are fighting amongst themselves for a throne. And the bitch people call goddess is trying to get Merlin back into servitude for Arthur.”

“Gwaine?”

“Look we all need to do our bit. Mordred is working with… yeah. Merlin is playing games with everyone and everything, including the gods. And I am trying to train the army up with new techniques I haven’t even understood!” Gwaine took a deep breath, “Sorry I don’t mean to snap.”

“It’s okay Gwaine. We are all under pressure we all know what is at stake. We all have a limit before we need a breather.”

“It’s not that. It’s… it’s just I don’t want to do this forever… live in this perpetual state of panic. I’ll never know how Merlin does it.”

“With that Mask as well.” Gwaine griminced. That blank look was horrible. It seemed the opposite of Merlin in its entirety 

“I’d hate to being against it. You don’t know what he’s going to say or do. All you can do is just stand there watching him. Watch him dictate everything.” Gwaine sat there with a lost look on his face, “I know I have no right to say this. But I miss Merlin. I miss who he was a lot. Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to break. That I didn’t do enough to save him. That I just sat on my arse and did nothing. I let the best man I know in this world crumble. I failed him.” Gwaine sighed and rubbed his face, “But there are sometimes I see pieces of him. However, as time went on, I started to see it less and less.” Gwaine swallowed deeply, “Maybe it is time to let go of the fantasy that he will be that Merlin again… and that’s fine. He’s made this world a better place for everyone. I just… I just hoped it didn’t have to cost Merlin everything.”

Gilli slowly nodded and itched the side of his head, “Sometimes, men are borne who accomplish great deeds. They do everything for everybody. They give the world every part of their soul and in return they get nothing back. Life is rarely kind to those who sacrifice themselves for the betterment of others. I pity Merlin. Because for everything he has given. He has received nothing. He did what no one did. He didn’t beg, he didn’t apologise. He demanded his rights. He demanded to be treated like an equal. He didn’t draw unnecessary blood. He did what he had to and that was it.” Gilli sighed and rubbed his jaw and decided to bring the conversation back to its roots, “Will you be leaving?”

“No. I swore that I would always stay by Merlin’s side. I left him once… but never again. I don’t care what Merlin will face. As long as I am by his side, I am content and happy.”

“What about Mordred?”

“What do you mean? Of course, he’s not leaving. Why would he leave?” Gwaine asked in a confused tone.

“He’s got a girl.” Gilli said with a hint of amusement. Mordred was like their younger brother they never asked for but were glad to get. He had a dry wit and was never out of that sarcastic bite to his voice. In fact, Mordred reminded him of Merlin, which could’ve been the reason what drew him to Mordred in the first place. But Mordred grew into a man in his own right. A good man.

“Don’t tell me he’s still pining for that Kara girl.”

“No, its someone else. Begins with an E. Esme or something. Lives here, in Nermeth.” Gwaine’s eyes widened. Nermeth. King Rodor’s court sorcerer. And now a girl. It seemed like the stars aligned for a second. Merlin was one smart bastard.

“Clever bastard.”

“Gwaine we’re in Nermeth!”

“Sorry. But I just realised. Mordred said that he got an offer from Rodor to be court sorcerer.”

“What did Merlin say?”

“Merlin was the one that came up with the idea. He really wants Mordred to leave.”

“What?! If he’s gone to such lengths to try and get Mordred away…”

“’What’s he got planned for us?” Gwaine completed.

Gilli sat back and relaxed, before slowly turning to face Gwaine, “Did Merlin set you to convince me to move”

“Huh? What?”

“Did he tell you to set me up for moving away?”

“No.”

“Then that the hell is he doing?”

“Only the gods know.”

“If he’s waging war against the gods, I doubt they even know now Gwaine.” They silently decided to stop talking all together and just settle on the task ahead. Forget about the gods and everything. Just focus on this task. And trust Merlin. It seemed like a while before a knight came out of the court chamber saluted both of them and spoke with a booming tone. He was a boisterous man and with larger-than-life qualities, “We apologise for delays, Sir Gilli and Gwaine. I’m sure men of your stature, understand how dispute among lords break out.” Gilli could relate to that, Cornwall was full of men of high ambition but little intelligence, smiled and nodded. Mordred usually dealt with the Nermeth and its affairs, from what he had gathered the men were much alike so hopefully Gilli should survive, “Now with that out of way, I am Sir Duncan, And Nermeth welcomes you. The king and Princess have accepted your offer of an audience. Should you want to rest before entering the chamber will be acceptable.” Gwaine opened his mouth to reply but for once it wasn’t his words that came out.

“Thank you Sir Duncan, we are very grateful for Nermeth’s hospitality and friendship. However, we would like to have the audience as quickly as possible.”

* * *

Mordred walked into Camelot. And headed straight to the catacombs. His orders were to edit the shielding spell so that no matter how far they dug or how low they went the shield would stay constant. They had left that hole in the spell so that Arthur and his friends could escape. But now they needed to patch it up. Following the instructions given Mordred was able to edit the spell. Before he headed back up to the surface to meet with Morgana.

In all honesty, if he were actually working with Morgana, he would have ditched her. He and Merlin told her the exact same thing. Don’t fight Emrys. And what had she done?! Yeah, tried to kill Emrys and the men they had sent on a peace mission. He took a calming breath and then knocked on the door.

* * *

Morgana startled awake. Her heartbeat was pounding. She looked down she still had the bracelet on. She clenched her fist and released it. She brought her hands to her face. To her surprise her face was wet. She wiped the sweat away from her face. She knew what she saw. Flashes of the future. Too many things had happened. And she couldn’t make sense of it. She heard a quiet knock on the door to which he replied with enter. Mordred looked at her with surprise. Maybe because he hadn’t seen her in a dressing ground or maybe it was that she had shock written over her face. He bowed his head slightly in reverence, “Your highness.” Then his eyes met hers and he didn’t let go of it.

“Mordred I’m glad you are back.”

“So am I.” The younger man smiled gently at her, “But I wish I had better news. Unfortunately, I do not.”

“What is it Mordred?”

“Emrys is planning a siege. He has called in every single one of his allies. They will all but agree with his judgement.”

“So, what shall I do?”

“The only thing you can do… prepare for a siege.”

“Yes... yes you are right” Mordred must have felt that he was close enough to her ask a question to most people didn’t dare ask.

“Morgana, are you okay?”

“Yes… yes don’t worry.”

“Morgana…”, he had a touch of impatience in his voice. If it were any other man, she probably would have killed him. But it was Mordred.

“I had a dream.”

“About?” His tone was caring. And she felt something stir in her long forgotten. Far too long forgotten ever since Athi-

“Nothing it was flashes. One flash where I die. One Emrys dies. You die. No one dies. Or everyone dies. Normally, I see one part of the clear future. But now…” She looked straight at him, her eyes meeting his, “I get my sight from the triple goddess. I see the parts the triple goddess wants to see. But now? The future is… messy… complicated. There are too many factors. And I can’t see the truth. So, this means not even the triple goddess knows what is going to happen…” Morgana shivered in fear.

“Morgana?”

“Something bad is going to happen Mordred. And no one, not even the goddess will be able to stop it.”

“What did you see?”

“It’s hard to remember all of them. No one talks in them. They last barely a second. It’s like looking at a painting but they keep switching it out for another. My head…” she grimaced, “gets jumbled up trying to remember which came before which. What details where in the first painting.” Morgana rubbed her face, “The point is, these don’t help. I can’t think about this now… not whilst Emrys… I want you tell my men to bring the outer villages which are in danger inside the city walls. And bring all supplies into the supply store. So, we could ration it. Holding on to a siege especially Camelot takes time, resources, and money. We can outlast it. If we are smart.”

“Yes, your highness I will get right on it.”

“Good. Once you are done go back to Drakonia. We can’t risk you getting caught, we need you now more than ever.”

“I will try to be here once more before the siege begins.”

“Good. You have your orders.” And with that Mordred walked out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a month since I last updated. I thought with quarantine coming in, i would be able to write more. All quarantine did was make me meander more. And I just sat wondering what life was going to do. I'm literally bored out of my mind at this point. 
> 
> It also didn't help when I kept getting drawn away from this story with the allure of another story. I re-watched Merlin again and I couldn’t stop myself from writing an extended version/AU of 'Another's Sorrow'. 
> 
> That's not to say I don't love this story because I do and I want to finish it but at the same time I don't want to rush it, because I've got a plan for it. I have an ending in mind which i think you guys will like. 
> 
> The point is I just wanted to ask you guys; how do you stop yourselves from getting too drawn away from the fics you're working on? Because I can't seem to stop this from happening XD


	25. Chapter 25

Gwaine allowed Gilli to handle all the sweet talking to the nobles. He wasn't really feeling blowing smoke up nobles' arses. The king and the princess already were convinced the moment they showed the coin. All they had to do was just get the nobles semi on board with the idea that their King and Princess will come to Drakonia.

Gilli's silver tongue seemed to work it's magic after awhile and the noblemen seemed to be content with the idea. It took them awhile for all the nobles to agree on how many men will accompany the king and the princess and them even longer to disperse. The princess was talking to her father in hushed tones, Gilli jerked his head to the direction of the door telling him it was time to leave, "Why don't you go grab something for the road? I have a private matter to discuss with the princess." Gilli gave him that cautionary look.

"Are you sure Merlin would want us to tell Mith-?"

"Tell me what?" Gilli looked like he had for a moment jumped out of his skin, Gwaine imagined he looked much the same. Gwaine turned around and plastered a smile to his face.

"Ah Princess it's lovely to see you. But unfortunately, I have to pack for our trip." Gilli spoke quickly with an element of panic.

"You're not staying?"

"No, unfortunately we have to carry the word of the meeting to every kingdom."

"I see. Merlin is calling in everyone."

"Yes. As I have heard Shilder has retired, I will be back to help transport everyone to Drakonia."

"He is an old man; he couldn't continue forever much to his protests. Though I have heard that Mordred will be replacing him. Would be good to start replacing some of this chamber with someone with… younger blood. I'm sure we will do our…" She glanced at her maid servant who went bright red and cast her eyes down, "best to make him happy whilst he lives here." It was only then did Gwaine turn his focus on the maidservant. She was beautiful. He could see the appeal.

"So, you're the famous Esme?" Gwaine asked the girl. The girl managed to regain her composure and stared back at the knight.

"I am no more famous then you are Sir Gwaine" Gwaine chuckled, well she had some level of wit there was no question about that.

"Well, I would say you are more infamous, then I am." Gwaine cocked an eyebrow, and he managed to crack a smile out of the girl. Gilli coughed loudly and he gave Gwaine a pointed look, "What I was just saying hello? Can't I say hi to anybody?"

Gilli rolled his eyes before turning to face Esme, "Excuse me, mind if I enquire for your help, Esme. These corridors look all the same to me."

"Of course, Sir Gilli." Gilli visibly grimaced. He still wasn't used to the title. But Esme seemed to ignore it and walked ahead with Gilli trailing behind her.

As soon as they were out of sight Mithian's gentle smile faded and a serious look took its place, "Now Sir Gwaine, what doesn't Merlin want me to know?"

"You know the triple goddess?"

"Of course, I do." Gwaine felt a bit shocked.

"Not many people know… about her."

"Do you know how many hours of research I had to do to understand and write fair laws for magic?"

"Sorry, Merlin mentioned something about you supporting and helping him during the time the laws were being made."

"What's the triple goddess got any thing to do with this? She's just some form of deity in charge of…" the princess paused as she connected the dots, "Ah I see."

"Yeah."

"So, she wants Merlin to go back to serving Arthur which will never happen? Right?"

"You have to understand I don't fully know what Merlin will or will not do. Or how far he is willing to go to make sure he doesn't serve Arthur… but from what I've heard it's not good."

"What do you mean?"

* * *

Arthur was sitting down; they had just been given lunch in the dungeons. How long were they going to keep them here? He knew he had to be patient but he had no idea what was going beyond these walls. Merlin had barred access to Gwen so he couldn't get any information. The knights looked demotivated and hurt. Their backs still ached. Merlin had sent maids to help them with their wounds. But every one of them, with the exception of Percival, Elyan and surprisingly enough Leon, had refused the usage of magic.

The maids didn't talk at all. They looked annoyed and angry, yet they didn't let it affect their work. It was one of the few times Arthur wished Gwaine was in them in this mess. He could've… charmed the maids into talking with them. Arthur in truth missed Gwaine. He missed the knight that could just ramble on forever. He sometimes wished that he never found about Merlin's magic. Just so he could live in ignorance and happiness. But Merlin ruined that. He had splintered their brotherhood. It was Merlin's fault…. Or was it? Was it truthfully only Merlin's fault? He had never wanted to question Merlin about his magic. It always felt like an open wound that would never close. There was no relief or cure. It was easier to believe that Merlin was a traitor. Almost convenient.

Even if Merlin was a traitor, he had made a mistake. He knew now that it was mistake in hunting sorcerers and druids. But it felt… it felt like the sorcerers finally got one over him. That they had beaten Camelot. And he couldn't… he didn't want to feel like that. It was stupid. No, he was stupid. He was an idiot. And kings could rarely be idiots and survive. He learned so much from Merlin. But for some reason knowing Merlin was a sorcerer made him regress. It made him doubt everything he had experienced with the younger man. Every mission, every quest, every encounter, every failure. And in doing so he unlearned everything good he had learned. That was on him.

He couldn't seem to get out of the phase of self-doubt and depression. He remembered Merlin was usually the one to take him out of this stage. He would reinvigorate Arthur to carry on fighting. But Merlin wasn't here. He wasn't here to tell him to fight on. In fact, he was the one preventing him from fighting on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys had a great valentine's day and pancake day. Maple syrup and butter best toppings XD. We'll also start to see a lot more Mithian. I would also like to thank all you guys for your advice. I think we will start to see more regularity with the updates from now on. The next chapter will be a longer one that I promise.
> 
> Anyway, see you around guys.


	26. Chapter 26

Gwaine walked into Merlin's chambers. It was bad. Well comparatively worse. The boy king Lot refused. Merlin stood up when he saw him and walked up to him. "You're back early, what's happened?"

"It's Lot."

"What about him?"

"He refused." Merlin looked surprise.

"You can't refuse the coin? Once the coin is shown all rulers have to attend."

"I know. But he said he's not coming." Merlin turned away to face his table and pulled out a piece of paper from his stack.

"Uh have you talked to his advisors?"

"Merlin they are dead." Merlin turned so quickly, you could've sworn he had whiplash.

"The court sorcerer?"

"Dead." Merlin rubbed his face in frustration.

"Why wasn't I told?"

"They were only put to death today."

Merlin didn't look surprised. It looked like something he expected to happen. It didn't stop him from asking his question though, "Their crimes?"

"Treason." Merlin nodded slowly and sighed.

"Why does he think this got to do with me?"

"He thinks you're in charge of them." Merlin scoffed.

"Well, he's not far off."

"Merlin…" He pursed his lips in thought before shaking his head in anger.

"I don't have time for this. I am fighting a war against a deranged, destiny obsessed goddess. Not only that, a war against Camelot. Now this fucker… This idiot wants to spring up and try and fight me."

"Do you want me to deal with him?" Merlin paused for a thought, then sighed. And slowly shook his head.

"No, I'll go. Should I be late welcome the rulers in my stead."

"Sure. I'll be all diplomatic and political." Gwaine spoke with a sarcastic tone. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Just try Gwaine. Chances are I'll be back before then." Merlin walked to the door. Gwaine pulled him back and presented him his sword. "I don't need a sword, Gwaine. But I appreciate it."

"Merlin… this king wants to kill you."

"Not the first king to try."

"Merlin take this seriously. He blames you for these betrayals. Chances are he's going to kill you. Take a sword. Take someone. Anyone." Merlin put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I'll be fine Gwaine. Trust me." Gwaine felt this tearing sensation in his chest. He needed to stay with Merlin. He needed to face this with Merlin. But he saw something in Merlin. Something that made him trust Merlin. He would trust that Merlin would be fine. He slowly nodded and let the man pass by.

* * *

Merlin walked to the gates of the citadel of Essetir. A group of guards by the gates instantly recognised him and walked up to him. They looked nervous and afraid. They had their hands on the pommels of their swords. They were so afraid when their leader spoke his demand, it sounded like a question, "King Emrys, y..you… are under arrest for uh tre..treason?" Merlin raised an eyebrow at them.

"Sorry, what was that?" The men drew their swords. The act itself should inspire fear in him but all it served was emphasizing how scared they were of him. Their hands where shaking and their blades didn't stop moving.

"Y..you are… under arrest… f..for treas….treason." Merlin turned to face one of the guards who instantly paled and a bead of sweat travelled down his face. He reflexively lowered his sword.

"Tell me boy, how can be disloyal to a kingdom that I haven't sworn loyalty to?" The man in question didn't respond. He turned to face the leader, "I will talk to your king now." The men looked in between themselves. Deciding they would rather take their king's anger then his.

"W... we have to search you." Merlin stared the man down daring him to try. The leader looked to his left and jerked with his head to the man next to him to search Merlin. But the man stayed rooted to his spot.

"I don't have time for this. Either you will search me or you won't. I am a very, very busy man. And I don't like being late."

"Of... of course, sire. We apologise."

"Good. I accept your apology. Now you will take me to your king." The leader nodded sharply, sheathed his sword, and led the way. They made their way to the castle and approached the court room. The guard turned around and stopped him.

"I have to tell the court you are here."

Merlin smiled and nodded, "Of course." The guard buckled nearly down to his knees before scrambling through the door.

It took the guard a few minutes. Before he came out and said, "They are ready." Merlin nodded slowly. He walked past the guard and pushed the doors open.

The court was watching him. With every step he took he could feel like he was robbing the breath of every noble in the room. The boy king had the audacity to smirk at him. He looked proud of getting him here. He stood at the centre and stared at the young king. He needed the king to understand how out of depth he was in this. That he controlled every aspect of this room. The king stood rapt and Merlin sighed and spoke slowly, "The Coin has been presented. You will go to the emergency meeting."

"I will not."

"You have signed an accord with every King, Queen, Princess, Prince, Noble and Knight in this land. And in that accord, should the coin be cast they must all attend the meeting."

"I refuse."

"Why?"

"Because I want something." Merlin kept his mask. Taking calm breaths. The idiot didn't understand the implications of rejecting The Coin, "I want thirty percent tariff on all goods coming to Essetir. I also do not share the belief that you are the best man to lead our armies should an invading force come to England. I believe I should be in charge."

"A fifteen percent tariff has been set for every kingdom, that is a part of England. Why should Essetir be any different?"

"Because I know the truth. You've wriggled your way into every kingdom in this land. What do you think will happen when I expose you? You've heard my demands, get on it."

"Do you enjoy the supplies you receive in Yule? Or do you enjoy the ease of travel through out of England? I heard you enjoy supplies of wine and the nice weather from Nermeth."

"Are you threatening-?!"

"I am not threatening you, King Lot. You are threatening me if I am not mistaken. I will tell you what will happen if you continue down this route. This alliance will be broken. In fact, every alliance made with this kingdom will be broken. You will be excommunicated. And any ruler can come here without repercussion and lay a claim to your land. They will be able to wage war and do whatever they wish with your land and your subjects and I and everyone won't stop it."

"You wouldn't dare…" the boy stuttered out.

"But this is only a possibility. A very small and unlikely possibility. As for your other demand, being the leader of our great army, you would have to be voted in by all of the other rulers. If, by chance, you win enough votes you become the leader. Maybe you can bring this topic up during the meeting when you attend."

"The other rulers won't vote for me."

"Then you will not become the leader."

"You can make them vote for me."

"On the contrary, each ruler has their own thoughts. And I can not bend their will to suit everyone's whims. But I will not stop you from trying to become leader of our army." The boy king looked angry and annoyed. But Merlin paid him no heed. He kept his emotions of disgust and annoyance from reaching his face.

"FINE! I WILL ATTEND!"

"Wonderful, I will send someone to come and pick you up."

* * *

Where was Merlin? **HE** should be back by now. **He** said he would be back before the rulers started coming. Gwaine wasn't really… well suited to talking to rulers.

Gwaine was currently hiding behind the curtains so that the rulers couldn't see him, but he could see all of them. Annis and the late Caerleon's bastard was here, as was Odin, Bayard, Leonard, and Ivar.

The older rulers seemed to be talking amicably, but Ivar, the youngest ruler, only nineteen stood to one side talking to one of his maids. Easily flattering her. He was a well-groomed man and if you didn't look closely at him you would think he was the perfect gentlemen. But there was a tinge of insanity in his sharp blue eyes. Gwaine didn't trust him. He had this lust for war, a lust for battle, that just didn't sit right within him. But he was a master in war. There was no disputing the young man's skill or intelligence. Gwaine took a deep breath, stepped out of his hiding place, and made his way to Ivar. He grabbed a cup of wine, from a passing servant, but he didn't drink from it. Ivar seemed to notice him out the corner of his eye. He gave the maid a bright smile and turned to face him, "Ah Sir Gwaine. A pleasure to see you."

"It's good to see you to, King Ivar. How is Rheged?"

"Ah good, peaceful. The people are prospering and all seems well."

"You don't seem all to happy, if I may say, sire. Why is that?"

"I miss fighting, Sir Gwaine. I'm sure a man of your standing understands."

"I do, but I hope this doesn't mean you'll be starting fires here in England."

"No. There is nothing here in England that could not be gained through negotiation and talks. No, I look elsewhere. There is place called Eire. Heard of it?"

"Yes, I have. I've been there. Lawless place. The people are probably in equal standing in incongruity of the people of Camelot."

"Aye, I've heard that. I wish to bring order there." Gwaine raised an eyebrow at the man. He didn't believe it for one second, if anything Eire would be the sort of place Ivar would find home.

"Order? Seems like a… noble goal."

"It does doesn't it? In truth, since I can be that away from Rheged, I just miss the fighting. I miss the blood pumping through my veins. But it doesn't mean I don't value the treaty we have created here. What we have created here is something no one could have dreamed of. But I can see my men are becoming bored like me. So, I will take them away from here."

"Your people are an oddity I have never understood."

"Sometimes I don't understand them either. What drives us to kill another man. I know one thing for sure though, once you start fighting it gets harder and harder to let go of the sword. To let go of fighting. But what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Why not come with us? You might enjoy spending time with men of similar qualities." Gwaine scoffed, "I've seen you fight. You like it, you like the thrill."

"Why not ask Emrys to join?"

"Because Emrys isn't like us. The man is set on peace. He would go to war as a last resort."

"Then why did you agree to this alliance, surely you would prefer allying yourself with similar men?"

"You misunderstand, Sir Gwaine. Emrys is a man I thought I'd never would meet. The man who knows how to keep the exactly how to maintain peace and win a war to his benefit. I pity stupid rulers who try to fight Emrys."

"So, you'll never fight Emrys?"

"As long he doesn't encroach onto my land. Then I don't see us fighting in future. Because I see what will happen should if any ruler tries to fight Emrys. The supplies will stop, Trade with the offending kingdom will halt and come spring, Emrys will jump in for the kill, takeover and then put someone who listen to him in-charge. These idiots they don't understand, or maybe they do and they found it was easier for them to do nothing. They continue to live their lavish lifestyles without the people rebelling. And the people are happy because they get slightly more food. We, rulers, might as well swear fealty to Emrys and call him Bretwalda. Because that is what he has become. He lets us rulers keep our scrap of land and we are happy with that. My father wouldn't be able to go to Eire, out of fear for another ruler seizing the opportunity to take his land, but because Emrys is here I could leave good men in charge and no one would dare try and take my land."

"Very well. Will you tell Emrys your wishes?"

"I suspect you will, regardless of whether or not I ask you not to." Gwaine tried to keep his face stoic, but the man smiled despite that, "I will. After Emrys has told us why he has brought us here. Speaking of Emrys, where is he?"

"He will be here." Ivar hummed, seemingly acknowledging the fact Gwaine didn't answer the question, in agreement.

"Good."

* * *

Emrys trudged his way back to his chambers where he sat down in the chair. The kings and Queens were waiting for him. But he couldn't feel the need to get up to go there. He just wanted to go to sleep. He looked onto the table to see it empty of all paperwork aside from a pitcher and a cup. The pitcher was full of wine. For the first time in a while, he felt himself craving the easy release of alcohol. He missed it's sweet and sour taste. But he couldn't liquor was dangerous in any amount. So, he waved it away with his hand. He rubbed his face and sat back in his chair, "I'll be honest. I thought you might drink some." Emrys startled up to his feet to see his mother by the door. He relaxed back into the chair, "The Gods know you can lighten up a bit."

"Mother…"

"You said we would talk about your plan after you got back so talk about it."

"I can't talk about that."

"Why not?!"

"Because it's changed now hasn't it. So, I just can't."

"I don't think I raised you to be a liar."

"You did in fact Mother. Because what am I? You told me to hide the truth from everyone. You told me to act stupid. To pretend to be stupid so no one would guess I was a sorcerer. You raised me to be a liar."

"When were you going to tell me about Freya?" Emrys set his face to stone and kept his tone calm.

"Never."

"Merlin…"

"What do you want from me, Mother? The truth? Well guess what, the truth is dangerous and you are better not knowing it."

"Why? What have you done now?"

"What have I done? No, no I haven't done anything yet, Mother."

"I stood by your side, Merlin. I helped you achieve all of this. Am I not entitled to the truth from you?" Emrys stood up and walked to his mother.

"Yes, you are entitled to the truth. You are entitled to live a long and happy life; everyone is entitled to that. But we don't always get what we are entitled for. Sometimes we have to work for it." Emrys stared his mother in the eye, "I have to go, the rulers are waiting for me."

"Am I allowed to come are you going to bar me in my room again?"

"I did that so you won't be able to release them."

"You don't even trust your own mother?!"

"Tell me mother if I didn't do that, would you have released them?" His mother didn't answer, "That's what I thought." Emrys got changed into more form fitting wear and walked to the party. He walked with a brisk pace and it didn't take him long, he pushed past the doors and forced an easy smile on his face. From the corner of his eye, he could see Gwaine talking to, surprisingly enough, Ivar. Strange Gwaine didn't like Ivar. As he strolled into the room, he felt a huge force slam into him when he looked down, he realised that it was Caerleon's bastard. His hands were wrapped around his waist and he didn't seem to let go, "Uncle Emrys! How are you?" The bastard's face was buried in his ribs.

"I am good, kid, but I'd feel better if I could actually breath." The bastard had an infectious smile on his face. Emrys never really bothered to learn his name, he just called him kid and the bastard seemed happy with that. All the kid was a tool that Annis had managed to use well, to consolidate her power. The boy's mother died in suspicious circumstances, which Emrys didn't really care about or pried about. He hadn't really needed to, Annis was always accommodating to change, so there was no reason for blackmail. "You're getting stronger kid. How old are you now?"

"Twelve." He wasn't twelve. They didn't actually know how old he was. They made his birthday the same day Annis found him and told him he was nine, "I will be bigger and stronger, like you and Gwaine. I will be knight and fight" he ruffled the bastard's hair.

"Good! I'm sure you'll brave and strong. Now where is Annis?"

"Mother is over there." He pointed over to Annis. Annis raised her glass at him, he nodded at her.

"Great. You see Gwaine over there, Do you know what knights do?" the kid shook his head, "They ask for advice on how to improve their skills." The bastard's eyes widened in excitement, "Go ahead kid." The kid nodded and ran over to Gwaine. He made his way to Annis.

"I'm sorry usually he isn't much trouble. But he's getting older."

"It's fine."

"He thinks you are a hero you know that right, King Emrys?" Emrys scoffed in slight surprise, "After all, you saved our lives from assassin, and helped identify the traitors from my own court room."

"We are allies. And you freed magic. We are as close as friends, as politics allows us to be." Annis seemed content with his answer.

"He wants to be like you."

"He could strive to be better man than me at least." Annis took a long drink from her cup of wine. And sighed.

"People are also start raising questions about when he will start training."

"I could take him over here and ask one of our tutors to train him. It will give you time to think of something to continue to hold power. I am sure he wouldn't make much of a fuss if he is with his heroes."

"That's the thing Emrys, I don't want to hold onto power. I only did it because of the circumstances at hand and there being no one else. He will get the power in the end."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm getting too old Emrys. Too old for this game. Politics tires me."

"I know Annis, but I need you now more than ever."

"I am still here, Emrys." She placed a reassuring hand on his forearm, "I will always welcome you into my kingdom. I had to use Myron to stay in this position. But when Myron comes of age he will be in-charge." She gave him a friendly smile and let go fo his arm. They turned to face the kid who was obviously pestering Gwaine with questions. "Now, why are we here Emrys?"

"England will be borne by the next full moon."

"You managed to make an alliance with Morgana?"

"No."

"How will England be borne then?"

"You already know. You know what I did when Arthur was here. You already know my course of action." Annis sighed.

"They say you broke Arthur's nose. They also say, you whipped Arthur and his knights. Two of which elected to be naked for a lesser punishment. My spies tell me that a manservant who used to serve King Arthur who now serves King Emrys visited Morgana. Was that you?" Emrys smiled and didn't say anything, "Now this is when the reports get hazy. They say an old man, who pretended to be you, proposed an alliance with Morgana. They had an uneventful dinner. Before she visited his chambers at night. My spies don't know what happened, but Morgana exited very angry. Have I missed anything?" Emrys nodded and hummed in agreement.

"No, you covered everything."

"So, what now?"

"I will find a suitable ruler for Camelot and give it as a gift." Annis scoffed.

"That won't work. We all know about Camelot. It's a poisoned chalice. Who in their right mind would drink from it?"

"Someone who wants larger land, more civilians?"

"These men are too smart to take it. I did hear though that Ivar is looking to the west."

"There's nothing west of Rhegard. Just sea and more sea."

"Not even Eire?"

"A land full of corruption and will struggle to resemble a threat for England. It's a waste of time and resources going there."

"He's still young. He wants to leave his mark on this world."

"Fair enough."

"Will you stop him?"

"No. He is his own man and I am not his father."

"Though from what I have heard that could be a possibility in the future."

"Annis…"

"Tell me how are things going between you and the Princess Mithian."

"You do know that I might not even have a future beyond this."

"More to the reason to have children." Emrys grimaced. "I still don't know the plan. You told me to do things and I have done as you asked. Now tell me what are you doing?"

"Planning for my death, Annis." Annis froze in shock.

"You weren't joking?"

"I don't joke around, Annis. Not about these sort of things." Annis blinked rapidly.

"Anything else I should know?"

"A storm is coming to Annis, and I don't mean the foreign invaders. You will have to weather the storm using any shape of form." Emrys cleared his throat, "Now we have to wait until the others have come here so I can go into detail about the plan to deal with Camelot."


End file.
